Episode 6: Alex Baker - Strong All Along

Episodes

May 12

Alex Baker lost his wife Amanda to stage 4 colorectal cancer, then took his first intentional step on July 3, 2020. Since then he's logged 2,400 miles and a full marathon.

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About this episode

I met Alex Baker through Instagram, and his story has inspired the hell out of me. Before he turned 40, Alex went through infertility with his wife Amanda, then her stage 4 colorectal cancer diagnosis at 35 and her death 16 months later, all while becoming the primary parent to their young son, Riley.

We talk about how a 500-mile walking challenge from the 500 Festival during the pandemic turned into running, a solo half marathon on icy neighborhood roads on Amanda's anniversary, and his first full marathon at Monumental. Alex also shares the meaning behind "Strong All Along," his St. Jude fundraising for the New York City Marathon, and what Amanda taught him about living life well. You might want to grab some tissues.

In this episode, we discuss

Running the 500 Festival Mini-Marathon, his fourth half marathon, and hitting 2,400 miles since July 3, 2020
Growing up outside Chicago, studying 3D animation and new media at IUPUI, and a career in coding and product management
Joining a fraternity he never expected to join and working 12 years at its headquarters
Meeting Amanda in college and their 10-year marriage
Three years of infertility, endometriosis surgeries and IUI before Riley was born
Amanda's ER visit and stage 4 colorectal cancer diagnosis in October 2017
Becoming the primary parent and caregiver overnight, and how both employers supported them
Amanda's three wishes for his future, including reading Riley the Harry Potter books
Starting with 20-minute weekly workouts and small changes like giving up Diet Coke
Walking 500 miles in 102 days with the 500 Festival challenge during the pandemic
Running his first half marathon alone in his neighborhood on the second anniversary of Amanda's death
Meeting his girlfriend Lindsay when their kids became instant friends at the Indianapolis Zoo
Finishing the Monumental Marathon when his longest training run was a half
Running the New York City Marathon for St. Jude and his goal of Boston and Chicago before 40
Strong All Along, 3.11-mile runs, the grief box and button, and his Amanda Adventures

Chapters

00:00 · Intro
02:56 · Fresh off the Indy Mini and 2,400 miles
04:33 · Growing up, college and career
09:15 · Finding a fraternity
12:02 · Meeting Amanda
14:03 · Infertility and having Riley
16:47 · Amanda's cancer diagnosis
21:09 · Becoming caregiver and primary parent
27:46 · Hard conversations and Amanda's wishes
30:00 · Taking care of himself
34:53 · The 500-mile challenge
37:23 · First half marathon and the virtual Mini
40:38 · Meeting Lindsay at the zoo
45:40 · First full marathon at Monumental
48:18 · Running New York for St. Jude
52:34 · Strong All Along and what Amanda taught him

Mentioned in this episode

Races: 500 Festival Mini-Marathon, Monumental Marathon, New York City Marathon, Boston Marathon, Chicago Marathon, St. Jude Memphis Marathon
Organizations and charities: St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, 500 Festival, IUPUI, PNC Bank, Indianapolis Zoo, Caring Bridge, Peloton, Under Armour
Other: 311 (band), "Strong All Along" by 311, "High Hopes" by Panic! at the Disco, "Champion" by Fall Out Boy, Firefly Lane, Harry Potter

Previous guests mentioned

Related episodes

Frequently asked

What does "Strong All Along" mean to Alex Baker?

"Strong All Along" is a 311 song that became the mantra of Alex Baker's late wife Amanda during her battle with colorectal cancer, and Alex now wears it on his wrist and uses it in his posts to keep her memory alive.

How did Alex Baker start running?

Alex Baker started by walking 500 intentional miles in 102 days for the 500 Festival's challenge during the pandemic, beginning July 3, 2020, then moved on to running and finished his first half marathon alone in his neighborhood.

Why is Alex Baker running the New York City Marathon?

Alex Baker is running the New York City Marathon as a St. Jude Hero, raising $6,000 for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, which he got to know through his fraternity's partnership with the hospital.

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Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically, so it may contain errors.

0:01 Welcome to finish lines and Milestones with Ali, Brettnacher, incredible stories and tales of Triumph with everyday people achieving their goals and fitness. This podcast brought to you by athlete, bouquets celebrate, Finish Line's and Milestones are the people that you love by visiting athlete bouquets.com. 0:22 Hello and welcome to episode 6 of Finish Lines and Milestones. This is Ali. Brettnacher, last weekend. I ran a half marathon my 49th half in Indianapolis the 500 Festival Mini-Marathon. We had outstanding weather is a little warm but not too bad, my husband Zack. 0:42 If you listen to the last episode, he did finish and he did it in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

So about ten minute miles which impressed the hell out of me after zero training, And I got a postpartum PR finishing in one hour, 53 minutes and 24 seconds. 1:00 So, very proud of that. I executed my race plan that my coach Rachel, gave me and felt really strong. And I am in the midst of writing a recap on that race. So keep your eyes peeled for that if you're interested and we also had a fantastic time. 1:16 Staying downtown at the bottle works Hotel. It was incredible. So I will definitely recap the details on that. Because if you're a local 2nd or if you're ever coming into town, you're going to need to check out the bottle works District of downtown.

So, this episode is absolutely incredible. 1:34 I met Alex Baker through Instagram which is now, one of my favorite ways to meet people, he has inspired the hell out of me. He ran his first full Marathon last November. And that's really kind of when we started talking a lot and I started learning his Tori. 1:53 So when I started this podcast, I knew that I would have to have Alex as a guest, he has been through it and that is such an understatement, the struggles that he has faced in his life and that he has made it through. 2:09 Nobody should have to go through before they hit age.

40 no less. And one of the things that we talked about after we stopped recording that we both wish we would have included in the Episode was something that Alex said, which was that you never know who is on your side lines, which applies to life, certainly applies to running and I think applies a lot to social media. 2:36 You just never know who you're inspiring. When you tell your story or when you share your workout, right? So I think that that is a really important message to share going into this episode with Alex and you might want to grab Grab some tissues. 2:56 Alright, welcome to episode six, I'm here with Alex Baker.

Hello, fresh off the mini marathon this weekend, congratulations. Thank you. You too. We actually got to see each other after the race, which was nice. I was nice and I got to meet your little guy. Riley, he's adorable. He has so much energy, he should around with you. 3:13 Do you think you'll run with him? Desire to run, is about 40 steps. Okay. And then, yeah, the he's like, looking back at me like, hey Dad, you watching and then afterward I'm so tired. Yeah, whoo, yeah. 3:29 So I don't know, maybe as he gets older but right now, zero interest your phone interest in that.

Just come into your own dad. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's pretty awesome. To have. Have him at the Finish Line. Yes. And the hugs and the bouncing. And yes. Oh my gosh. 3:44 But you definitely always wants dad to pick him up and uh-huh. Afterward you like. Okay. Yeah. And there although not an eight-year-old so minor yet still smaller. Then this weekend was a big milestone for you as your fourth half marathon and then 2,400 miles. 4:02 Yes. Since when July 3rd 2020 2020. Yep that's so awesome. Thanks before I get too far ahead of myself will back up a little bit and kind of give people some background.

Yeah, on who you are little bit about how you grew up and then we'll just get into it. 4:17 And I love, I think what people are going to take away from this episode, is the inspiration behind why you started running in the first place. And The inspiring goals that you have set for yourself coming up. So stick around for that. All right, so take it away. Sure. 4:33 Born and raised outside of Chicago. Moved in D when I was 15 didn't do once. I moved basically cut off Sports completely. When I wouldn't was in Illinois, I did basketball and karate or Taekwondo more specifically and then when we moved it just I don't wasn't really my thing anymore.

4:52 So instead I found opportunities to give back. And to get involved in student council student, government does kind of thing. And let's see went to college at IUPUI for the non Indie locals. That is Indiana University and Purdue University's campus here in Indy. 5:10 So originally was focused to study 3D animation, so interesting, by the way. Yeah, was that? I don't know. Anybody who studied 3D animation? What does that mean? Like you're going to go into like film like the movie kind of stuff? Yeah. To go work for Pixar that was like, oh my gosh, my big dream so I would be so cool.

5:31 I watched an entire documentary on how Frozen to was made of you watch that. I haven't add it to your list so good. Yeah, yes. Okay. Okay, digress. It contains. Do you just really like those kinds of movies or you artsy or? Yeah. I definitely have it an art background in high school. 5:48 I did I took like a Comics class and like cartooning and and just really interesting I I thought like this would be a really cool career to just go make films and then yeah I learned that you work like 22 hours a day. Yeah, I'm like, hmm, that's not the life I want to lead so I'm out.

6:08 Yeah, yeah, that doesn't sound as much fun. No, no, no. Also got out of that changed my concentration to New Media, which was essentially computer science, and graphic design kind of blended into one. So, I did a lot of website, marketing, Logo design, that kind of that kind of work and then professionally got into. 6:32 I was, I was a smug 15 year old kid working at my dad's company that he was at. And I went in there and told the CEO of that company that I could do better than, you know, whoever he had on staff doing it. So he brought me in to remake his website.

6:49 Yeah, you know, do all of this stuff so I then eventually learned how to do software coding and did. Spent much of my career doing that. And then, how did you get out of that eye? Hmm, that's a good question. I think I found that I just didn't enjoy writing code as much, you know, like just sitting grinding line after line after line of code, right. 7:14 I really am intrigued by problem solving and how to how to do it. And I think that's what drove me a lot to technology and programming, but by and large, I just, I don't know. I didn't enjoy it.

So I had an opportunity to change a little bit and go into product management like your husband yet. 7:33 And I think that's better because it's about working with working with people to solve a problem but not actually being the one like pasta code Grandma code to actually sell. Yeah, yeah, yep. So yeah, I think that's an interesting because you get a lot more human interaction. You got totally you know otherwise you're just sitting in writing code staring at a screen for hours and hours and hours. 7:53 Yeah. Which is why you know software A notoriously are pretty quiet introverted which you don't strike me as somebody who's like that.

So I'm not at all but I mean gosh software developers in such demand. Now it's like you could sell your soul for that if you wanted but not enjoying it as a good reason to get out of it. 8:12 Good for you. Great. Thank you, yes. So what did you do? After you, graduated after graduating college, great questions. So I was involved in my fraternity as started volunteering. That's right, I don't wanna forget about the yeah, what will come back to you? Um, so I actually started with a co-worker, IT consulting company, you know, to we were doing this full time programming stuff, but we wanted to go create our own stuff and so we kind of did a start-up and did it Consulting with bunch of different various Industries to how can you better utilize your website?

8:48 How can we do search engine optimization, right? This is you're looking at the early 2000s where SEO was Really starting to pop up early, 2010's, maybe starting to become, just so important to search results and, and being able to get yourself listed in Google appropriately, did that for five or six years and then turn it to actually, one of our customers was my fraternity and so they offered me a full-time job. 9:15 And I went and spent 12 years working working at the headquarters. Yeah. So I almost forgot about the biggest part of your college time, which is that you Joined a fraternity even after not really your kind of skeptical, kind of given the cliche for eternity, which by the way, my husband Zack was very much cliche, very guy but you know, you're mine was like, oh I don't really want to, I'm not interested in that.

9:42 So it sounds like it took a couple times for you to actually, then do it. So yeah, talk more about that experience. Sure. So I py there was not Greek life really. There was a sorority and no men's. Has ations at all. And so there was a group that started it and they asked me to join them. 10:03 Like, I don't know. I don't think this fraternity, things for me, everything about it just was not who I stood for, right? And so, six months or so later they came back and said, hey, We're different. We don't want to be frat, we want to be a fraternity and that distinction is just so important.

10:24 I think in when you associate with a frat it is parties ragers. It's like all of that. The Hazing that all the garbage but fraternity is different. Yeah. But you you're trying to be better people. You're trying to network, you're trying to put yourself in a better place in life. 10:41 So I think they ask me again. And then I went from a guy who's never going To join a fraternity to the editor of the magazine. Great. And that's why it's so interesting to me, too. It's like, no, I'm good. And then you're like, actually I'm gonna make this my entire life. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. 10:58 Hundred percent is because it's, we talked a lot about and fraternity. You wear your letters on your chest all the time. And obviously, right now I'm not wearing that, but I represent what teak is what talk Epsilon is, every single day, and what I do. 11:13 And so that's important to me to Portray a good image in to be an upstanding gentleman, you know. Hmm. To live our mission out and and to make a big impact on the world which are you are doing. I'll try whether you, whether you think you are not. 11:30 And this is actually Alex's first time not hosting a podcast.

First time being on the other side, which is fun. It is fun, it's very weird to be on. Not like I didn't I brought you some notes, right? Yeah. You helped me out a lot. I trust good. 11:46 Because I needed it. We didn't really know each other beforehand, right? Just because it Instagram, hmm. So to be fair though, we we became friends over Instagram. I love it. No matter what people say it is. I mean, I really do. So during was it during college. 12:02 You met your Lobster. I did. Oh yeah, for you. Yeah, you realize coward, I've done since I've done some digging now.

Yeah, sorry. Coming out of the gate with that but tell us about Amanda. Yeah, so Amanda and I my late wife which I know this is where this is going. 12:22 So I'm just gonna put that, put it out there. So, we met in college, I had this like, crush on her for a couple of years and, and just, you know, I thought she was one of those like, oh, this is never going to happen, never going to happen, kind of thing. And so around my birthday, my 22nd birthday, I think it was, she like, messaged me on AOL, Instant Messenger. 12:46 So you know shout out to the early.

Hi, so good. Yeah, you know, she wished me, happy birthday and I invited her out for the for the night. And so she came out and and few weeks later, we went out to the Vogue which is another staple College. 13:01 Bar around in Indy, they used to have a retro re one-man Army every Wednesday night, back in the day. And so I let her cut me in line and she said that was the day that she's like, he's it he's the one and After the moment she was like yes you let me cut and yeah as we sign me up. 13:21 Yep. That's so great.

But yeah. Good. Sorry. But so we were married for 10 years. You know, we had just a really fantastic love for each other and not going to choke up. 13:37 You can't be there. And then you have to deal with me, you know, you too. Yeah, Brian. I feel like a hinge here. You've gone on some tough Journey. Yeah, in your marriage. Yes, that's I mean. Holy shit. No, I when I met you, I met I knew that you'd had a wife that passed away, but then I didn't realize then you had and in fertility struggles which mean a lot of people do deal with but then to have kind of that double whammy.

14:03 So I mean the infertility piece. How long did it take you guys to have Riley? Yeah, we tried for three years. We the doctor basically said, okay, actively try Why, you know like time it'd do all the things for like a year and a half and then come back after that. 14:21 And so you know, okay, we're going to try this. We're going to try that. And we know I went and got tested, she got tested, she ended up having endometriosis. Okay, what is that? It's some something on ovaries. 14:36 That definitely a man. It's not not my slave mezack a switch, which ovary, or which fallopian tube.

The baby was growing in when anywhere. That, which is not, that doesn't. That's not how it works. I know enough to know that. I know it's pretty bad, it's really bad. 14:52 Okay. So it's some some like scar tissue or something on the ovaries and it makes periods extremely painful. It makes a lot of things down there. Very uncomfortable the time. So yeah so she had a surgery to get that removed and then we did something called inner uterine insemination IUI. 15:16 Okay, and so basically, I used to joke, it's like taking a turkey baster and yeah. That's what I kind of pictured. Yeah, pretty much.

Yeah. They you know, they take it and then basically kind of with a almost like a syringe but not yeah, plastic, right? 15:32 And then go and put it in the right spot and spot and then you go see and cool. So luckily for us, it actually took the first time after the surgery. That's good, which is awesome. But after Riley, We actually we tried for another one. Okay, she had endometriosis back. 15:50 She had another surgery and we went through all of it and they basically said, yeah. You're going to have to do IVF, which goes go talk to the finance person. That was like, oh, okay, that's what we're yeah, cool.

So they told us how much it was, and both of us were like. 16:07 Yeah, no, I didn't. It's crazy. It is, I haven't mean, I'm we're lucky we didn't have issues with that. We had other issues. You know, I don't know how people go through that so many times because it's month after month of just disappointment. Yeah. 16:23 Luckily her insurance took care of a lot but there are, I have friends and family who tens and thousands of dollars, right hundred thousand dollars that they're putting in this. And I just whole, man, it's not yeah. So I am very thankful actually in retrospect that I didn't take the second time because she would have been Having the baby.

16:47 Oh yeah. Found the, she had cancer. Yeah. And that was in October of 1717. Yeah. So tell me a little bit about that the cottage, you know? Yeah. So she had, she'd gone on a girls trip. 17:04 Wish you'd like reconnected with her High School girlfriends and they don't remember. Now if they went to Chicago or Nashville either way, they wanted somewhere they drove and she came back from From from it, and was just in like excruciating pain. 17:20 So as you can imagine multiple our car car ride and she's just like, it was one of those. You just know, something's wrong, something's wrong.

Something's wrong we. Yeah, we need to go to the hospital. So we called Amanda's grandmother who we affectionately call G and we've dropped Riley off. 17:38 And we went to the ER, so this is like 9:00 at night. Okay, cool. You know, they're talking to her about what's Do you know, could be could be a blockage, like, whatever. You know what? Let's just do an x-ray just because like, it was one of those casual like a, huh? 17:56 Yeah, let's do that. Just because so they did that and they came back an hour or two later and you're like, okay, something came back weird. So we're gonna do a CT scan and just double check, make sure everything's okay, okay, sure.

18:14 Like we have no idea. What's Going on, right? We're domed all of this and just ready to get home. We're tired and you know we know we're going to work the next day, all of that kind of stuff, right. I'm actually supposed to fly out the next morning to Colorado, or I don't remember. 18:30 Now, the city where I was supposed to go, right, and they come back and the doctor sits down and it's like, I don't know how to tell you this, but you have cancer and it is you need to see an oncologist next 48 hours. Like what? 18:47 How do you I remember?

Like an out-of-body experience. Like everything like tunnel vision. Like it just it's not what you expect. She was 35. Yeah like so they They tell you this and, you know, it's really bad and they make a referral to us. 19:13 And so like I send a vague text to my co-workers like I'm supposed to be here for me. I cant go, right? I'm not going, I'll tell you all later. Everybody's like what the heck's going on right now so we call the oncologist immediately soon as they open, they don't call us back. 19:35 Don't call us back. Don't call us back and we're just Like waiting for hours and hours.

And finally, I just pick up the phone and we call some other oncologist they're like, okay, yeah, come see me in an hour, I've got an opening. 19:52 So like cool. So we went down to Methodist and like we have this really funny Doctor Who is just like I fix you. I fixed. Yeah, this easy when I fix you a treatments. I fix you like Okay, cool, dude. 20:08 Like that's it. Like and then all of a sudden you're just you're on a cancer Journey, like a hundred miles an hour, it felt like she had a port install surgery. She had a pet scan, she have CT scan, she like all of the stuff and effectively what they didn't tell us is it was stage 4 B, which is like the worst kind of cancer.

20:30 It's colorectal. Cancer is what she had. So it was like right on the exit point. Essentially there is a doctor at one point that could just like feel it, you know. So you were playing there. Yeah, and it was metastasizing her lungs. 20:49 Her liver her lymph nodes. Like we went from, no idea. She had cancer too, like, all of the cancer and like, all of the places immediately. Yeah, like that would feel like an out-of-body experience and processing, especially for Amanda like processing that. 21:09 Yeah. Just how kind, how did you tell Riley? How did? Talk to your family. Like it just seems like the that part so overwhelming just to try to even communicate what's going on.

I mean now they have the website. 21:27 What's the website called Caring Bridge? Which is helpful. If you ever seen that, it's a website where people can just put an update in one place and be like here's the link. If you want to know what's going on here it is. I don't have the bandwidth like to update everybody. So nice, I can only imagine. 21:44 Yep. Not have The ability to do that, having to like do that. Yeah, Amanda didn't want to do any of that. So like I was her Communicator, there were like 50 people that like, would get text messages on a regular basis of, like, updates on the week.

And here's how their appointment within whatever, Tim League Riley was, he's see because he was too like, oh right? 22:08 Yeah, he was really young, Mommy sick. Mommy needs to rest against Harris moment, you know? And so, you know, Just started like the day she was diagnosed. I went from secondary parent to immediate primary like yeah, no questions. 22:24 I'm the one who's taking the everyone's doing all the things cooking don't like at whatever. So that's, that's a big shift for a man, right? Yeah, I'm definitely was not the primary parents and like, that's that was okay, and we were good with that. 22:40 That was our relationship was and always stood up later.

Was when I was asked to like, oh, will you go get Riley? Yeah, sure. Oh, I want to go out for a girls weekend. Okay, cool. Like yeah, whatever I can. Yes, I can. Amanda left for a cruise two months after Riley was born like, it's, it's fine. 22:58 Like I got this. But, yeah, it's just, it's a very, very different experience because you become primary parent and caregiver, right? And that shift is just so different. Yeah, to be able to watch and witness somebody you. 23:16 Loved for all of these years and watch their Decline. And watch the struggles. They go through every day and, you know, struggles to eat.

Struggles to get up to get out of bed, etc. Yeah. Right. That having a one-year-old on Tire like a newborn baby on top of that? Yeah, I don't I don't know how I'm. 23:32 Yeah. What did I mean to do for work? We she will working full time at the gym. She was she was working for PNC Bank. Yeah. She at some point matter of two or three years beforehand went to a back office. Type job and they were absolutely fantastic. 23:48 Let her work remotely whenever she felt like it like they were I cannot say enough good things about how well the bank and that staff, they're treated her so and how about for you and your work like because clearly I can't even imagine trying to fit a job on top of your two jobs.

24:09 Yeah yeah. That the fraternity was absolutely fantastic with me too. You know. There were I still travel world, I reduced but I think in all of my trips there was only one that I actually did the whole trip most times it was like I was gone a day and immediately had to fly back because of some man has being going to the ER she's not feeling this or hey there's some something and so yeah it was I know it sounds very weird but it was it was the normalcy. 24:42 I needed. It doesn't sound weird. Okay, well that's sometimes it feels weird saying, right?

You're like, no, I still wanted to do my job, like I wonder where because people might think oh, why don't you spend every waking moment with her, right? But it's because you still need a piece of yourself. 24:58 Yeah. You need to feel like you were doing something, being a value, you know, and also to not think about cancer although all the time. Yeah. Because it was everywhere, you know, and like her treatments were eight hours sometimes. 25:14 And so, We're just like sitting in a hospital room while she's getting stuff bumped into her and Link. What else am I going to do? I can read my phone right.

I get. She's gonna nap for three hours like yeah, just gonna grind out some, you know, write some of this post to that, you know, whatever whatever I needed to do for that day. 25:34 And did I put in eight hours every single day? No, not at all. And I don't think there was ever an expectation that right? I was just, which is good. I can't imagine working for an employer that, yes, I'm sure. That exists. Yep sure. Does which is just yeah hard to imagine. So thank goodness both of you had situations where your employer was help like good. 25:53 Yes. At what point because she didn't have this battle.

She didn't fight this battle for long because I was so bad. At what point did you know? And I know that's a hard question. I also just and I don't mean to compare this at all. 26:12 But Firefly Lane, I don't know if you've heard of that show. I'll show you what I like it. Maybe Lindsay like yeah. Like, it maybe. Because as can't because you wouldn't want, you would not like, believe me because I'm like, sitting here sobbing, but like, there's a part where they're talking about, like, you know, know you have to start talking about this stuff but she's talking about what you want to her funeral.

26:31 And I had a friend passed away several years ago now, but one of my best college friends from cancer. She fought for seven years, like never thought it was going to actually get bad enough to where it would take her life. And I remember I text her When she's like yeah I'm just planning my funeral and you're just, you know. 26:49 Okay. I don't I didn't even really know how to respond to that. But there is there does come a time where yeah, you know, if you don't talk about like, how do you figure out? Yeah. Like, did you, I don't know. I don't want to ask questions here from this.

Like, did you talk about? Like, I don't know. 27:05 I imagine if I were in that situation be like, well, you better find someone else? Like take care of yourself like, don't, you know, I just, I don't know what It's like and you do and that's it. Sucks sucks, having? Yeah, knowing I do take solace in being able to and it's why I like sharing. 27:27 And like, I know you had a connected me with a friend of yours. Frank, you know, I'll come back to your question here in a second, but it's why I feel like I have to share because there are not many people in their 30s that are going through stuff like this.

And so, like if there's an opportunity to share, Or and talk about it. 27:46 Like I feel the obligation to help somebody else in a place that I wasn't. You have, I didn't have that. So yeah, the I looked up on my phone, the after we got home that night of them in the hospital, the survival rate and I never looked it up again because it was like, 5% Live 5 years. 28:11 Like, I, I knew I was going to come. Yeah, right, I did. If it was going to be tomorrow 16 months, which is what it was or five years, right? Like it is the survival rate in colorectal cancers, just terrible.

28:27 So we had a conversation had maybe six months before she passed just a conversation that I death. I definitely did not want to have fun. She was like, I want you to move on or move forward right? 28:44 Like She had a very specific criteria. I would like that area because that's how Amanda was. Yeah, very upfront about a lot of things. So she said whoever you find has to love Riley that's like number 1 or 1. 29:00 They they have to, they have to treat Riley. Like he is there some right? You have to read him the Harry Potter books, he cannot he cannot watch the movies until he's read the book.

Oh, and don't raise an asshole. 29:17 The those are like her very three specific things that I had to do. So I would have liked her. Yeah, yeah. Well I saw on her Instagram, the Harry Potter tattoo, which I don't want. I don't want to give away the Mantra so we woke up and go. 29:34 Yeah. Okay we got a mantra Lon. I like that. Well certainly I don't I don't want to make this all about. The hard times that you've been through, what inspires me so much about you, Alex, is that you've turned this really shitty situation to put it lightly and now you've taken yourself off of that journey and you're now on this amazing running Journey.

30:00 Yeah. How did that start it? It started a lot because of this, I'm sure you're not surprised by right? Yeah. You know I have struggled with weight for much of my My adult life, I have definitely been overweight and out of shape, and just I didn't take care of myself. 30:18 A lot of what I did for Probably I don't know, 15 years was put every literally everybody else first and just never take that time for myself at all. And I definitely well, I mean, it was pregnant. 30:36 There were a lot of Steak and Shake runs for milkshakes that, you know, 2:00 in the morning.

Yes, cheering your baby. Yes. And I have any cookies and cream, okay, okay, yeah. Well then, of course, if you get one, you got to get wonderful. 30:52 Yeah, you know. So, so that added and then definitely weíll she was sick. Like, it's, you're in survival mode all the time, right? It's about you or just whatever's convenient, whatever's easy, whatever is fast, don't care. 31:09 You know, Riley got chicken nuggets, literally every day, because like he would eat it. I didn't have to argue with him. Yeah, it's all my kids eat. So, fine, you're in good company. So after she passed, In February 20, 1999.

I was like, I need to start taking care of myself. 31:28 I need to put some focus on me in any way, shape, or form that I can. And so I had a a fraternity brother not like from our chapter but like the broad fraternity who lost, massive amount of weight going to this this place called exercise. 31:47 Think I'm interested in that display says it's nuts, okay? Okay, I'm glad you're sitting down because when I first heard it, I was like there's, there's sounds really no way. It's not possible. Their workout is 20 minutes a week that's it. It's 20 minutes a week, you go in, they have 10 or 12 machines and you go to 25 machines and you do a slow rep 10 seconds up 10 seconds down and you do it from no more than three minutes.

32:17 That's it. That's the workout like they have fans. It's they keep it cool. You're not even supposed to sweat like there are people. I've seen work out in suits before it gets its nuts and so I was like, okay, it's 20 minutes a week, I can find 20 minutes for a week for myself as a single parent without parent, right? 32:38 Like 20 minutes, should be easy. So I did that. And I started, I dropped like 20 pounds pretty quick and I was like, oh man. Like this is fantastic like eating better that part of their other piece they they have you make slight changes each week.

32:56 So, okay, this week I want you to drink eight cups of water a day and then this week, I want you to also add two servings of vegetables and then so over time you know, in so many diets and stuff, it's not work, it's like heart, 70 heart, you're just not going to eat anything and you're going to work out all three hours a day. 33:16 Yeah, thanks. This is just like little subtle changes that you make every single week and it adds up, you know, all of a sudden, I used to drink four or five Diet, Cokes a day like I'm in got to get me a Diet Coke.

33:32 Gotta go for a refill, right? And now I don't remember the last time I had a soda good for you. I gotta get Zach off that d.c. man. Yeah he he yeah he drinks in. Yep. Like I said yeah now for me now it's just it's water and I don't miss Sit. 33:48 And it's just, again, those little subtle changes that you make long way, and then the small thing, like called the pandemic hit. Oh yeah, I remember that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it lasted like a week. I think that's what we all thought. Well, we all thought. 34:04 So, you know, I'm Riley's daycare had a case, like almost immediately.

And so I pulled him out of daycare and then he stayed home with me. And I went Knots. Yeah he was home with me for like 100 days. 34:22 The two of us essentially cooped up in our house for a hundred days. How old was he at the time? He'd been six. Yeah. Okay at least he's like self-sufficient. Ish. Yeah. But you want to leave them alone for too long so we'll be, I don't know. 34:38 I only have girls so they like paint their nails like their whole hand. I don't know what a five-year-old or six year old boy would do. Yeah. I mean he didn't do that.

It was just a lot of You know what? I call it lion and Cub time. It's like tackled that. Yeah, climb all over Daddy. I was a human Jungle Gym. 34:53 Yeah. Pretty much all the time for him. So I just, I was going crazy. I needed to get out of the house and I figured out the Indy 500 Festival had a 500-mile challenge that they were posting about, and I was like, okay, I'm gonna do it. 35:12 I'm gonna walk 500 miles intentional miles, not like, oh, I got They're going to sing the song. Oh No, they're gonna maybe you can play in the.

Yeah, I don't know if I can figure that out. 35:29 Yeah. So like I was like okay this is not like I'm walking around my house, right? I'm gonna go out and intentionally walk 500 miles. And so I took my first step July 3rd 2020, and I haven't looked back. 35:45 I just finished 2,400 miles. By crossing the Finish Line. Yes, and through that, I started I try to find intentional moments right now. This is one of the things I kind of learned from Amanda. There's a lot of things I learned from, and about how to live life better. 36:05 And so, like I was like, oh okay, well, I just walk eight miles a day for the next three weeks.

I can hit 500 miles on my birthday. I'ma do that. And so like, I that was it like I moved all of my work calls to the morning and I would just go walk and like, take phone calls for two or three hours a day and just walk. 36:30 Wow. Yeah. Yeah, it's nuts. That's nuts. Nuts. But, and where would Riley be? So he was at school. Oh, he got to go back. That's good. Okay, yeah, so he was out that time. That's, I mean, such a hard time, Yeah, agreed. 36:47 So in the town, we live in. They go back to school really early like Late July.

Hmm. And so because they do the balanced schedule and so okay. Yeah, super awesome. Yeah yeah so I did that and I was like, okay cool. Well I walked 500 miles and 102 days. 37:06 Maybe I can run And then I found under armour had a hundred-mile running challenge. I was like, cool. I'm a do that. And then I ran 100 miles in a month and wow, yeah, I just, I'm just keep keep going. 37:23 So I started actually racing shortly shortly thereafter. My first I used to go out to Eagle Creek, a lot to run because you get some hills, you get some trail runs, kind of a lot different than being in your neighborhood.

37:40 Yeah and so one day I said okay I'm Run 10 miles today and just see see what I do and like okay this was pretty cool. I think I could run a half marathon. Okay. And so Amanda's the anniversary of her passing was like a week and a half later so I'm like cool. 37:59 I'ma run a half marathon on Amanda's two years. Versary. Let's do it and it I stormed an absolutely terrible and I ran a half marathon in my neighborhood. You know, pretty much in the middle of the road because that was the only part that wasn't iced over. 38:17 Get out of here.

Yeah that was your first half marathon. Yeah, I did it all by myself in the in February and the freezing cold and Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's like way harder than any that Marathon I've done I think. Yeah. 38:33 Wow, that's really cool. Yeah. And then, you know, because I struggled with my weight like I said, I'd always thought about running the mini the Indy many hearing like this is this big deal and some so many people do this thing. I want to do it. So I signed up to run virtually and again I ran at my neighborhood and thankfully Lindsay was absolutely fantastic and took care of the kids.

38:56 Kids and like I plotted a route that I'd go past our house four times and the kids cheering me on and brought Gatorade out and like, all of this and I ran a 15950 to half and like, wow, it's like a whole. 39:14 Okay. Yeah. Like, all right. And it's so it was one of those that I'm pretty decent at this like I could keep doing this. Yeah. And so, My sights on a marathon and you know I know that's how we kind of got connected. 39:32 Yeah. And talked. But yeah, crazy. Yeah, the virtual mini that was. I did the virtual money in 2020.

Okay. And I wanted to do it the day of the many like when it would have been. Yep, which was obscenely. 39:48 Hot is a dumb idea. It's like, hey, the benefit of a virtual Embraces, you can do it whenever the hell you want. But I chose, I want to do on the day, it would have happened and I applauded her out like around caramel and Zionsville and did it by friends houses and stuff. And so it was actually kind of fun but I would, if I was like, I don't this is way harder not having. 40:06 Yeah. All the support that you really truly need on a race like that and so that was the only virtual one I did.

Okay. But then wasn't in 2021 it was still virtual yes because that's when you did it. That's fine. Okay. Yeah I decided 2021 not to do it because I just was like I don't want to do it. 40:22 Yeah I kind of regret that now though because it kind of broke my streak. Hello right. Embarrassing streak broken, where was I going with that? I was going to say oh I was going to backtrack because we now need to know who Lindsay is. Oh yes. 40:38 Yeah so Lindsay is my girlfriend. Now we met because of our kids they I think it's a, you know, serendipitous moments that we both went to the zoo on during fall break.

40:54 I had a phone call that like Held me up and she had a friend. Her daughter had a friend come over and like, no, no, we're not going. We can't play today. We're going to go to the zoo, but it was supposed to rain. So they change like the time they were going to come and like all of these like, weird little moments, right? 41:12 That if one of those things didn't happen, our kids would never met. So, like, we just happenstance were in the snake area at the zoo and pearl, her daughter was standing. Looking at some snakes and Riley, walks up to her and the two of them.

41:30 Look at each other and decide instantly. They were going to be best friends. Like that's it that. So they they walk through the kind of the dark area and our start like looking at snakes, this is October 20, 20. So we're all in masks. 41:46 We don't really, you know, like, oh, gosh, you don't want to talk to anybody, right? You like her kind of like, hey, Don't Go Near her. Yes, exactly. Yeah, and so, what an awkward, Time. So yeah, but she is looking for the little boys grown up. 42:03 I'm looking for this little girls grown up. Like, well yeah, heck is going on and then they both come up to us.

I'm like we want to go look at the elephants together for like okay is that fine with you? It yeah. You know what's up? 42:19 Weird awkward my Lord Emma. Yeah. - yeah she introduced herself which was awesome because I'm You know I'm like the the single dude at the zoo I don't want to be like hey girl hey I'm Alex, I'm single right? 42:35 Yeah it feels I don't know. I've tried to be conscious or tried to be conscious of that like I don't want to be like the dad that's hitting on the attractive. Mom at the zoo, right? Okay. All right, bro. So anyway, we really want to go to the Dolphin Show, she Pearl.

42:56 I wanted to go do something else and, and in my head, I was just like, don't screw this up, don't screw this up. Don't screws, ask for a number, it's like, hey. So like maybe we could like meet up later and our kid, you know, the kids get the kids together. Yeah. And like, could I get your number and she's like, oh yeah, sure whatever. 43:13 And like, she when she tells a story she's like I didn't even didn't even register that you were asking for my number, like, it was more. Oh yeah, we're two moms at the zoo. Getting are, you know, kids to be friends.

Yeah, that's Funny, that's really funny. We ended up meeting up again later at the zoo. 43:30 That seemed a just going to. It was the Halloween things. Rosie will, ya, and then it started downpouring. So we were just kind of like stuck there and her and I were just chatting and hit it off. And, and I went home and I texted my neighbors, who are my best friends is like, hey, help me, not screw this up and help. 43:56 Help me with this text message. So ultimately you know I sent a message like hey was so fun meeting you guys you know? Let me know when you want to do a playdate sometime in parentheses or maybe a grown-up date.

And yeah that's so cute. 44:13 Like two days later we had a playdate and like the four of us just instantly connected and we went on a grown-up date to know a grants like two weeks later. And Yeah. Now, do you believe in stuff, like where Amanda was looking out for you? 44:31 I do. I do there, I do and I think it made all that happen. I know, there are moments in my life. So Amanda was a ginormous fan of the band 311. Hmm, like she's seen them 62 times. 44:47 Like she went on five cruises after she was on hospice. Like the hospice agency was calling The Cruise Company.

Figure out how they could provide care for her to go on the cruise. Three weeks later. Obsessed. Okay, yeah. 45:03 So I feel like I find 311 just in random places. There was just all of these weird moments that I've found that, you know, they're like little nods. Yep. You know. And and whether it's her right or not but I know it's just like, okay yeah this is good I love that. 45:24 I think II I believe that there's stuff like that. I've heard somebody call it God Winks. I like that. Yeah. Hey. Just let you know that I'm here and I see you. I want to talk a little bit about the full Marathon.

Yeah. 45:40 And how and then what's coming next for you? Because the holy crap, this is exciting. But how did you use a coach or anything for the full? When you went to train for Monte Miller? If you done everything up into this point, on your own. Yeah, I joined the Peloton. Okay. 45:56 Love knowledge on 18-week marathon training program and so like I followed that pretty pretty religiously for a bit. I was on a 12 mile training run and had like something happened in my leg and I was like, ooh, oh, that's not good. 46:18 Like I called Lindsay and it's like you need to pick up me out.

Yeah, there's no way. I'm finishing these blasts, you know, last two miles. And from then I kind of stopped. And so the leading up to the Monumental, the longest I've ever run, was a half and then went out and doubled that I am sure that we talked about this at the time, but I'd forgotten that. 46:41 Yeah, because that's insane because a lot of people like I can never run a full Marathon because I can't imagine running 13 more miles when you finish a half and what people will say well you know you don't you train differently for full-on exactly well but now it's doesn't.

Yeah, so it was somebody told me later that it was a marathon is a 20-mile warm up to a 10K. 47:04 Yeah and it really ever percent. That's so good. But like I have my fueling all off. Like I pounded a Gatorade protein bar. I like my 11 because I was starving and yeah, I got this texting Lindsay at some point like I am on The Struggle Bus, it was bad. 47:23 The last several miles, you know, No, I walked a lot more than I wanted to, but I realized at some point there. The goal is to finish. Yeah, that's it. It, nobody cares. Nobody cares.

Nobody cares right now. Yeah, that's why I said, nobody cares. 47:41 If you finished in 452 or 526 or like, you're the only one who cares me, right? And yes, the, the care was to finish and I did something that Fifteen year ago, Alex never thought was humanly possibly on me and so yeah, amazing. 48:03 Thank you. Are you registered for the full again this year? I am. But I think I'ma go down to the half. I'm doing half this year area. Well it's kind of cuz you got something else going on. I do I do have something else going on. Yeah, Alice about that.

48:18 Yeah. So I part of my job when I was at the fraternity I oversaw. Our partnership with st. Jude. And so I've had an opportunity to go to the hospital bunch of times and and talk to patients and just see all of the amazing stuff that they do that. 48:37 No family ever receives a bill. Just as a quick aside after Amanda's. Like, first day of appointments, we got a four hundred thousand dollar bill and luckily, we didn't have to pay for, it was pre insurance but four hundred thousand dollars was the invoice for one day. 48:53 I was just like, I don't, he's responsible.

Sending that out. It's like, come on like can you give us the post Insurance stuff? Like, I don't care but kozma for ya, give me a heart attack, so not see ya. I just for me, knowing going through all of that, yeah. 49:09 And being able to have to do that with a child, like, No, And so St. Judes mission is to make sure that no child should die in the dawn of life. And that they know family will receive Receive a bill and that spoke to me. 49:28 Yeah, you know in so many ways and so I signed up and I am going to run the New York City marathon.

Thank you hero. Ah, yeah, I'm so gonna raise six thousand dollars for the kids, the same Jude and that that's part. 49:45 One, part two is to apply but they're only ten. Spots is what I've been told, okay? To be a hero to run, Boston, and to be 0, then to run Chicago. I will that will be all 3 before I turn 40 next time. 50:00 Yeah, I don't know who listens to this podcast. There's more people actually than I thought would ya by liked him. But but if anybody my 10 people, if any of you know anybody who could help us with this, Alex, needs to be a hero at those races.

Are you going to do the st. 50:16 Jude race at some point? When is that it's in December December. Yeah, I have thought about it multiple times but just like calendar scheduling. Write down a weird to go know. I've always wanted to do that. Yeah. Yeah. It's a cool. We should. My family did my whole family did it without me? 50:32 I don't know why I wasn't there. But yeah, yeah. So at some point I will yeah, we can do that. Peabody. Go see the ducks come down the LA. I know nothing about yeah, Memphis. Yeah. You lost me already like yeah? I know nothing.

I'd been there, but as a child. 50:47 So yeah. Yeah, the Peabody Hotel will has these ducks that live there. Oh, and I thought I was a sports team. That's how bad I know. Ya know. Literal ducks and they have a house on top of the hotel. And then they, every day they come down, the elevator on the red carpet and get escorted, like, they waddle themselves up to the Fountain and they hang out in the fountain Lobby fountain for, you know, eight hours and then there's a big parade back out and, you know, it's like someone's job to take care of those documents. 51:19 There's a forget what they call my Duck Commander or something, how crazy would it be like meet somebody?

And you're like, what What do you do? Because I hate that question because it just doesn't summarize who I am at all. No, but it's like what are you do? I take care of the Ducks. Yep, the Ducks at the Peabody. Yeah, that I thought was a sports team. 51:36 If it's not got it, it's adorable. I would be interested in that. Yeah. So I will put in the show notes because they exist a link to your, your New York. What is it? A fundraising page, six thousand dollars. 51:53 You can crush your crush that? Yeah. I I have been extremely fortunate to have a fantastic human beings in my life and as of this recording I'm just shy of five thousand dollars already.

What? Yeah, I did because of these amazing like, co-workers and friends and fraternity, brothers and family and I think I raised like thirty five hundred dollars in a week. 52:18 That's amazing. Okay, well, let's get to the 6,000 now because Boston is 10. So I've got ya to be able to get to that one. So, well, you let me know how I can help with that. I've done, I've donated some stuff for people, like doing giveaways and stuff to raise money, so happy to help with that. 52:34 Okay, we have the end of the podcast questions. Well actually, I added two more. Okay, let's see what my take.

I don't know if it's going to take too long. That's fine. No one cares. Okay, first question. Do you have a strong all along tattoo? I do not have a strong all long tattoo but I am wearing a bracelet. 52:54 So a The back story was now I just took away the Mantra. That's okay, whoops, I didn't mean to but I wrote it because I don't want to forget to ask you if you had gotten a tattoo. Yeah I have not. Why not? I don't I don't have any tattoos. I don't know. Okay, that's fine. 53:10 I have thought about like a subtle one of my highest weight as a reminder.

Well that's interesting. Just take care of yourself. Yeah. I'm just a small little but anyway see ya, okay. So strong all along is a 311 song and it, it became Amanda's mantra for her battle. 53:34 She like, two weeks before she was diagnosed, she got the Harry Potter Deathly Hallows tattoo and the word strong all along. Yeah. Her and it just became a mantra for her, so I didn't really she got it before. 53:52 Yeah, yeah. Like that's good. Gin like two weeks before. It was nuts. See, that's one of those things where you're like. Okay, dang. Okay, so I use it on all my, you know, post I try to use it all the time there.

54:09 It's I wear it on my wrist, every day. I try to find a little subtle nods to Amanda, like I don't run a 5k run a 3.11, it's just it's subtle, right? But it's, it's just a little thing to. 54:24 Yeah, keep the The memory alive. Yeah. So anyway that's our special guy stole the Mantra. It's a question. Yeah. But then there are a couple of yeah, that's that's really cool and then what others what songs are special for you or that get you going when you're running? 54:41 Yeah, so after she passed, I listen to High Hopes. My mannequins does going all of the time.

It was one of those that whenever I was having a Button day. 54:57 Yeah, we haven't talked about it here, but briefly, there's a, this concept describing grief, and it's a box, and a ball, and a button. And when something traumatic happens, right, this ball completely fills the box and with time it grows smaller, right? 55:14 And smaller and smaller and then it starts bouncing around the box and there are days where it just hits that button, you know? And that's powerful. Yeah. And so whenever Whenever I had button days, like High Hopes, yes, High Hopes, High Hopes, High Hopes. 55:31 Their first day I listen to it like a hundred times and repeat that because yeah, just I needed to get out of the funk.

And so that's one. And then Fall Out, Boys Champion is the other one which has a, I think a pretty powerful line if you can, I can get through this, I can do anything and it's just, yeah, like I went went through it. 55:56 Yeah. Yeah, you did. And so I can, I can do it. It's fine. I'll get there. So yeah. Ah, your make you cry. I'm not going to cry, though. I know I'm proud of both of us. We are. There is growth, so we obviously know. 56:11 Now your next Finish Line, so we'll support you in that. We could probably do an entire episode on it.

But you'd mentioned earlier and I know, I'm just letting you like, get back to your gather yourself and I'm going to just throw another one on you, what's good? But you'd mention like you learned So much about living life better through Amanda. 56:29 So if there is like one or two things that stick out for you there, what would you share one or two? Who were like all of them just to Rattle? No, I mean, I could take all the help I can get. So Amanda was a very obsessive personality like when she was into something. 56:47 She was in. And what I loved about that, there are a lot of things I didn't like about it, but what I About it now like reflecting back is she also felt that way about everybody else.

So like you're into running, like she would be the first guest on this podcast because like I love that you're doing this. 57:10 Tell me all about it, right? Yeah. You don't know what like, what excites people. So many of our conversations that we have especially with social media, right? Arse just so Kurt like high-level. Yeah. Well, you don't get into like real conversation. 57:28 Yeah, people and sometimes you've got to just ask the question, like, what excites you what Pat, what are you asking about? And then you see people at least that's what people ask, instead, of what do you do? Yeah. What are you passionate about?

Yeah, which now I get to do one of the same but yeah. 57:44 So I think that is just a such an interesting approach to think about and just be excited for your excitement. Yeah, she also did all the things like It felt like every day we were doing something right. 58:00 Like, oh yeah, I found this random comedy show. We should do, and let's go on this trip, and let's do that. And, you know, I think nowadays, it's like, she was trying to live all of her life. What what she had? Yeah, your life and she tried to pack as many things in as she could.

58:17 So yeah. So on the anniversary, I always try to find like a thing. So the first Universe we Went to New York City, I saw a play. I went to a restaurant that we love. I went to this wine and chocolate bar that we stumbled on the first time we went, like and I just said, yes, basically. 58:36 It's kind of a yesterday thing. And so I try to have Amanda Adventures we call and like, oh, that's go. So glad that came in because I thought I forgot about that one, too. I'm sorry, we are my best friends and I we went down for 42, our trip, down to Orlando to go to Harry Potter World Old one time like just like yeah quick.

58:58 I'm and adventure. And let's just go have a fantastic time and make a memory. Yeah. And just do something that makes people happy. Right. Yeah. So I'm there I feel like there could be like a hundred thousand things like yeah. 59:13 Right. I know. It's a whole nother. Well, we'll have to have you back on after you. Yeah. After you're 40 and do all these crazy things, which is went that's next next October, October 24. Yep. Okay, yeah. Well, I'm so excited. Be cheering for you. As you know, I know. 59:29 Thank you everybody for listening. This is always the hardest part because I feel like I could talk to you so much longer.

Just why? We'll have to do it again, but I hope you have a great weekend and happy running. Well, I'm so excited. Be cheering for you. As you know, I know. Thank you everybody for listening. This is always the hardest part because I feel like I could talk to you so much longer. Just why? We'll have to do it again, but I hope you have a great weekend and happy running.

Ally Brettnacher