Episode 182: Whitney Bevins - Whitney Bevins Returns

Episodes

Nov 13

Listener note: This episode includes discussion of domestic abuse, including emotional abuse, threats, physical violence and suicide, as well as explicit language.

Whitney Bevins, my fourth-ever guest, won Monumental and ran the Olympic Trials. She comes back to share the abuse she survived, how she finally got out, and how running is helping her heal.

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About this episode

Whitney Bevins was my fourth guest back in April 2023, when we talked about winning the 2012 Monumental Marathon in her debut and finishing 30th at the 2016 Olympic Trials in Los Angeles. She's a Westfield state champion, a former IU runner, a dietitian and a coach. Since that first episode, she has lived through what she calls almost four years of abuse in a relationship that began in 2023, and when we recorded this she was 12 weeks out with a protective order in place.

Whitney walks through how the relationship started with love bombing, how control and isolation crept in, the threats she lived with, and the steps that finally got her out, from Prevail and Carmel Police to an ex parte protective order. She explains how protective orders work in Indiana, why so many people stay, and what friends can do. We also talk about how youth coaching, a new running coach and our Friday group are helping her find her way back to running.

In this episode, we discuss

Reconnecting after episode 4 and our time working together at Fleet Feet
Running at Westfield, including the school's first state title in 1998, and at IU
Training with PBT and finishing 30th at the 2016 Olympic Trials in 2:43
Two years in the Peace Corps in Kiribati and what life without running did to her mental health
Winning the 2012 Monumental Marathon in her debut
Coaching at Westfield and losing that community when she stepped away in 2023
Depression in her family and losing her dad
Love bombing and the early red flags she couldn't see at the time
How control escalated: name-calling, punishment and isolation from work, coaching and Strava
Why it's so hard to leave, from fear to the trauma bond
Saving text messages and recordings as evidence
Getting help from Firefly, Prevail and Carmel Police
How protective orders work in Indiana and why her criminal case didn't move forward
Finding her way back through youth coaching with Westfield's Green Wave program, Badlands Running and climbing
How to support someone who may be in an abusive relationship

Chapters

00:00 · Intro
02:00 · Back together after episode 4
05:00 · From Westfield to IU
07:00 · The 2016 Olympic Trials
11:00 · The Peace Corps and depression
13:00 · Winning Monumental and coaching Westfield
17:00 · Mental health and losing her dad
21:00 · A supportive marriage
24:00 · Love bombing and early red flags
34:00 · Control, isolation and Strava
44:00 · Threats and saving evidence
54:00 · Getting help
1:08:00 · How a protective order works in Indiana
1:18:00 · The day she left
1:23:00 · Running and coaching as a way back
1:34:00 · The criminal case and speaking out

Where to find Whitney

Instagram: @coachbevins

Mentioned in this episode

Races: CNO Indianapolis Monumental Marathon, U.S. Olympic Marathon Trials (2016), OneAmerica 500 Festival Mini-Marathon, Marine Corps Marathon, Foot Locker Cross Country Championships
Organizations and charities: Prevail, Firefly Children and Family Alliance, The Julian Center, National Domestic Violence Hotline, Carmel Police Department, Fleet Feet, Westfield High School, Indiana University, Peace Corps, New Balance, Green Wave (Westfield Youth Sports), Badlands Running, PBT
Other: Steve Magness, Brad Hudson, Ted Lasso, Indy Now

Previous guests mentioned

Matt Ebersole (Episode 89)

Related episodes

Frequently asked

Who is Whitney Bevins?

Whitney Bevins is a Westfield, Indiana runner and coach who won the 2012 Monumental Marathon in her debut and finished 30th at the 2016 U.S. Olympic Marathon Trials. In 2026 she spoke publicly about surviving an abusive relationship.

How does a protective order work in Indiana?

As Whitney Bevins explains, you file a petition with dates and evidence, and a judge can deny it, require a hearing, grant a temporary order pending a hearing, or grant it ex parte with no hearing required. Hers was granted ex parte for two years.

Where can someone in central Indiana get help with domestic violence?

Whitney Bevins recommends Prevail in Hamilton County and Firefly in Indianapolis, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233. She says friends can help by checking in and reminding the person they are loved.

Support this show

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically, so it may contain errors.

Ally Brettnacher: Before we begin, this episode includes discussion of domestic abuse, including emotional abuse, threats, and suicide, as well as explicit language. Please listen with care. Resources are in the show notes

This is a Sandy Boy Productions podcast

Whitney Bevins: There's an abused dog in a crate, and you open the crate door, and I guess for anybody that doesn't know animals, the response is The dog does not leave the crate, and I didn't.

Ally Brettnacher: Welcome to Finish Lines and Milestones, a podcast for everyday runners. I'm your host, Ally Brettnacher, and if you run, you're a runner, and every runner has a story. Join me each week as I share these stories, and we celebrate finish lines and milestones together. Apologies, my voice is a little gone. I was cheering and screaming for the marathoners at Monumental this past weekend.

I will get into all that in my next episode. This episode's really important. Whitney Bevins was my fourth-ever guest. It was April of twenty twenty-three. We talked about how she won Monumental in twenty twelve, qualified for the Olympic trials and ran in the trials, and the mantra she gave us transfer the pain.

And since then, Whitney has lived through what she calls almost four years' worth of stuff, and she is here to tell that story about the abuse, how she finally got out of this relationship and the protective order that she fought for. And when we recorded this, she was twelve weeks out. She also asked me to share something before you listen to this.

she went back and listened to episode four, and she told me that she can hear the difference. In her words, she said, "I literally hear the brain damage and trauma in this episode relative to our first episode." She said she feels like she can't put thoughts together the way she used to be able to. I want you to keep that in mind because it's something people don't necessarily see about abuse.

It doesn't end when you leave. it changes how you think, how you speak, how you remember. she sat down with me and, and shared this story, and I'm just so incredibly proud of her for speaking up. If you have not listened to episode four, go back and listen. Hearing the two sides is really interesting and says a lot.

we also talk about how running, of course, and coaching has helped bring her back and what you can do for somebody that you love who might be in a similar situation. Here is my conversation with Whitney Bevins.

Welcome back, Whitney Bevins

Whitney Bevins: Thank you, Ally. It's good to see you and

Ally Brettnacher: talk to you. So, oh my gosh. Episode number four.

Whitney Bevins: I know. And what are, what are you on?

Ally Brettnacher: This will be like 180-something.

Whitney Bevins: That's crazy. And congratulations- It's

Ally Brettnacher: wild ...

Whitney Bevins: congratulations, by the way.

Ally Brettnacher: Thank you.

Whitney Bevins: Mm-hmm. Who would've thought

Ally Brettnacher: that, like, I'd s- I mean, I would hope that I'd still be doing this now.

Right. But yeah, you were one of my first guests, and I'm so grateful for that, and people can go listen to that episode if they want to. The, uh, I was jo- we were joking before. The editing and stuff isn't what I would do now, but it's- Mm-hmm ... still, like, I remember it being such a powerful and motivating, inspiring conversation.

And then you and I, we worked at Fleet Feet together-

Whitney Bevins: Mm-hmm ...

Ally Brettnacher: which is how we got reconnected.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. And yeah, and I think, uh, it's funny. Fleet Feet is kind of, like, is a part of this story also. Like, it's, again, I'm trying to think about how I would talk about this story And here's the tissues. Um, yeah, and it's all- it's crazy looking back, um, how it kind of all ties together.

Ally Brettnacher: Right. Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Wow.

Ally Brettnacher: Just take, just take a second. It's fine.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah.

Ally Brettnacher: Um.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, it's- I think it's different, like, typing it out. Um, it's weird, yes, talking about it out loud is very different.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Mm-hmm.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Uh, so thank you for having me on.

Ally Brettnacher: I'm so grateful. I'm so, I mean, I'm really honored that you asked me to be a part of this, because it's so important that people like you speak up.

So I want people to get to know you a little bit first. Yeah. Then we'll really tell people why we're back together.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that.

Ally Brettnacher: Um, but you and I actually first met in high school. You wore green on purpose.

Whitney Bevins: No. No, this was just... Yeah, no. Go Shamrock. I know, the rocks now, it's weird.

Ally Brettnacher: Right.

Whitney Bevins: I know. Yeah. But yeah, we did. That's crazy.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. It was so wild.

Whitney Bevins: Mm-hmm.

Ally Brettnacher: In our last episode, I went back and listened to some of it, and you and I had both gone to, like, almost gone to the ER. I think you went to the ER, and I almost did. You, like, cut your finger the morning we were recording our first episode together, and I had, like, an allergic reaction and almost had to use my EpiPen and, like- Yeah.

It was so funny. I completely- I don't even remember

Whitney Bevins: that.

Ally Brettnacher: Me either. I

Whitney Bevins: forgot. I, I need to go back and listen, honestly. Like, that's funny. I don't remember.

Ally Brettnacher: Right? Isn't that weird? Yeah. I have no recollection of that at all.

Whitney Bevins: I don't e- I don't either. It's funny as that. That is- that's funny.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. And we had so much fun working together.

And the, I remember when the manager of the Fleet Feet told me about, was talking to me about you as somebody they had hired. Mm-hmm. And I was like, "That sounds like, I feel like I could know her."

Whitney Bevins: Mm-hmm.

Ally Brettnacher: And I did.

Whitney Bevins: That's f- Yeah. No, I remember when we were, we, we were putting all the pieces together, um, and, like, how we, like, knew everybody and, and I feel, I guess, honored in a way.

Like, it's so cool that you had the idea for the podcast and, like, to see, like, where it's come and, like, it's just amazing, and I'm really proud of you for doing that. Thank you. And making it what it is and kind of seeing your whole kind of dream and vision, like, again, coming back three years later. It's like, oh my gosh.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. You, you're doing it. Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: It's amazing.

Ally Brettnacher: Couldn't do it without people like you.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. Well, thanks for having me again.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah, of course. Okay, so let's just talk a bit, little bit about your relationship with running.

Whitney Bevins: Mm-hmm.

Ally Brettnacher: When it started and- Give kind of a summary, 'cause if people really wanna hear a lot more about that piece of it- Right

they should go listen- Yeah ... to the first episode.

Whitney Bevins: Um,

Ally Brettnacher: sure.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. Yeah, so, uh, yeah. Uh, it's kind of funny. I, I, I- there's... So I always think about, like, there's a Ted Lasso, um, the first one, where there's a soc- um, the player, and he's, like, running his life, you know? Yes. And I've always... Or football is life. Yeah.

Football is life, you know? And I've always thought that, I think, in a way, like running, when I think back at, of the whole, my whole running path, it's just kind of been a part of my life. Uh, I started getting, running early. Um, again, there didn't used to be, like, youth programs back when we were little, so- Yeah

it was just kind of, like, my dad getting me into it. He was a Marine and ran, actually ran the Marine Corps Marathon. Mm. Um, and then I think it was just natural progression once we were allowed to run in middle school.

Ally Brettnacher: Mm-hmm.

Whitney Bevins: Um, I actually quit in fifth grade.

Ally Brettnacher: Ooh. True story. That had to be a-

Whitney Bevins: I quit, I quit-

drama ... I

Ally Brettnacher: quit cross-country-

Whitney Bevins: Yeah ... in fifth grade. Um, but yeah, no, then it was, I think, just a natural trajectory for me. I was, I think, naturally good at it. I liked it. Um, and then I think I thrived a little bit on the competition piece and having success with it. And then, you know, ran at Westfield-

Ally Brettnacher: Mm-hmm

Whitney Bevins: um, as you know, and then, uh, was a part of the first state championship team Westfield ever had in any sport, um, in '98. Wow. That was pretty cool. Uh, we just celebrated, like, kind of the 25th anniversary of it a few years ago. Isn't

Ally Brettnacher: that crazy to think

Whitney Bevins: about? Yeah. Yeah. I know. Um, and then yeah, ran at IU, uh, briefly.

I wouldn't say I had a great career, collegiate career. Um, and I actually left running for a little bit. That was one of the first times I didn't like running, um, and then found it on my own again, uh, kind of in the half-marathon and just, I don't know, eventually would get into marathoning, uh, I don't know, I was around 30- Okay

I think. I'd moved back to Indiana. Um- And I, I think I saw people trying... Uh, there's a group in Indianapolis that was training, uh, for the marathon, and I think I'd never heard of the Olympic trials at that point.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: And I remember there was a group, and there were a couple women that were like, "Oh, we're training for Olympic trials."

And I went, "Okay, I can do that." Like I don't know, I don't know why, like, just so casually, but it just seemed like I, I think I knew that was something I could do. And so I got into marathoning, um, with that specific goal in mind, uh, to qualify for the, uh, 2016, gosh, 10 years ago. That's-

Ally Brettnacher: Right? Oh my gosh.

Whitney Bevins: I know.

That's, yeah, it's like, geez. Um, yeah, so I started training, uh, with, in, in Indianapolis with a group called PBT- Yep ... Matt Abrosol, and got my start there, and I think I just, I thrived at that distance. Um, I found just I love the long runs, and I just, I don't know, it was a good fit for me, the marathon distance.

And ultimately would end up running 2016 Olympic trials in LA. Um, and it was a very hot day that day. Uh, and it was miserable, but I was fortunate. I was one of the fortunate ones. I'd been training in Texas with Steve Magness at the time, and I didn't Think about the heat training. Mm-hmm. I mean, that wasn't the purpose then to be in Texas training in the heat, 'cause I don't think anybody anticipated LA would be as hot as it was, but it certainly benefited me the day of the race.

Um, I would end up 30th that day. Times weren't super fast. You know, and again, my goal was never to, like make a team, but just the honor to be there-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: was a big deal.

Ally Brettnacher: It's a huge deal.

Whitney Bevins: Um, so yeah, I finished 30th that day, ran 2:43. Um, and anybody that's a running nerd and does data, of course we all like did the heat equivalent, like what was our, you know-

Ally Brettnacher: Right

it's

Whitney Bevins: a made-up number, but- Yeah ... it makes you feel better to do the heat equivalent 'cause that would've been ultimately- Sounds better, yeah. It sounds a lot better. Yeah. But yeah, no, and then unfortunately, I think just a string of injuries. I had a hamstring injury, um, that never, I don't, yeah, never fully got back from in terms of competitive running.

Mm-hmm. And I think it's, it's always still in the back of my mind like, "Okay, could I, could I ever do that again?" And I would in a heartbeat, I think, if my body allowed it.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. Your, um, after school, too, do you think when you took the break from running-

Whitney Bevins: Mm-hmm ...

Ally Brettnacher: that it was, were you just burnt out? I- Um ... I feel like collegiate sports

Whitney Bevins: have to be tough.

Yeah, I think it was a lot of things. I think it was the first time I, I just experienced anything outside of my small bubble of Westfield. You know- Mm ... my life was school and running. I was a giant nerd. S- still am. You know, so my life was just running and school. Yeah. And I think just distractions, like, um, not, not even, and I wasn't partying, it was just distractions for the first time, you know, and not having, I think, that structure.

I, I struggled- Mm-hmm ... probably to just focus on running, you know? Right. It's like there was just so many other things to do, and, um, I didn't get along well, great with the coach at the time, um, and I think that was part of it.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, I struggled with injury a lot. I, looking back and I, nobody, like we didn't know this at the time, but I went through a huge growth spurt after high school, and had just stress fractures, and you know.

Oh. I think that was just- Yeah Whatever. Bloom, blossomed late and just had a lot of injuries, and I think it was just kind of the perfect storm that D1 running was not a good fit for me- Yeah ... at least IU wasn't.

Ally Brettnacher: Right.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. So I think if we'd had the transfer portal back then, I would've probably done a lot better at a smaller school-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah

Whitney Bevins: ultimately. Yeah. Um, and I think would've stuck with running. But I think, as you know, like you always kind of find your way back to it.

Ally Brettnacher: Right. Yeah. It never really, yeah, go- goes completely away.

Whitney Bevins: Mm-mm.

Ally Brettnacher: And you also were in the Peace Corps for- I was ... a time too, right, after college?

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. I-

Ally Brettnacher: I think that's so cool.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. '05 to '07. Um, and, and that was, that was dif- I think part of... And again, it all, I- for me, I feel like, and so many people, it all kind of ties back to running. Um, I was on the equator in a small country called Kiribati, and it's, uh, a very tiny equatorial atoll. And so yeah, running was not really an option, uh, just both culturally and I mean, it was miserable, uh, heat-wise, you know, and just it was so small.

Right. Like there was no place to run. So that would be one of the first times in my life where I was really away from running for a long time, and I don't think I fully understood how much I needed running- Right ... in my life on a regular basis. Yeah. And I, I think that was probably the first time I suffered, um, a really bad clinical, like a depressive-

Ally Brettnacher: State, yeah

Whitney Bevins: state.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, and, like maybe a lot of reasons could've, you know, nutrition, um, could- But I think not being able to run in that time for two years really- Yeah ... like contributed. Um, yeah, so I think that was another time when running wasn't my life, and it kind of took me to a dark- Mm-hmm ... space. Um, but then again, you, like again, kind of always find your way back to it.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. What was your first half-marathon?

Whitney Bevins: Oh, gosh. If you remember from when we talked about it. I mean, I was probably 11. Uh, I think my dad- Oh, wow. You did that, yeah ... put me in the mini marathon around, I was 11 or 12.

Ally Brettnacher: Okay.

Whitney Bevins: Um, you know, but I didn't know what I was doing.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: I don't think I even knew, I don't think I'd even ever run like more than like three or four miles.

So crazy. But it was just like, you just, I don't know. You're

Ally Brettnacher: young. Yeah, keep going.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, okay. Like just- Yeah ... uh, I think I ran, I'd have to look it up. Um, I think I ran an hour 48 if, but- I

Ally Brettnacher: think that's what, well, my notes from, yeah, our lafta- last episode says I think it was 1:48. I,

Whitney Bevins: yeah. I think that's right.

I think that's what I remember. Now, that could be way wrong. I don't know. Who knows? It was, it was the early '90s. Um, but yeah, that was at the mini marathon. You know, I didn't know. I think I, hilarious. I don't think I wore a ponytail. I think- Oh, gosh. Yeah ... I wore the long, the back then it was a long-sleeve thick-

Ally Brettnacher: Cotton

cotton

Whitney Bevins: Like super

Ally Brettnacher: cotton ...

Whitney Bevins: I wore that-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: in Umbro shorts 'cause there were running shorts - Right ... back then.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Uh, yeah, so there's a picture of me, and it's just, I don't know, it's hilarious. So

Ally Brettnacher: good. Yeah, the nostalgia of the early '

Whitney Bevins: 90s. Like complete ignorance is bliss.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um-

Ally Brettnacher: So then you, I, I remember you won the Monumental, you won in 2012.

I did. So that's before your Olympic trials-

Whitney Bevins: Yes ... journey. So I just missed the, um, I missed the cut, yeah, the, jeez, the, the deadline, but I had also actually technically missed the, um, I ran, it was, so it was my debut marathon, um, and I ran, uh, 2:45:12, I think. So I don't even think I knew, like, that there was a standard, and I think even it, the cutoff was already passed anyway.

So it wouldn't

Ally Brettnacher: have mattered, yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Uh, yeah. But- It didn't matter. Um, but yeah, no, it was, again, kind of that ignorance is bliss. Uh, I had no idea, you know, really what to expect, I think as anybody in their first marathon does.

Ally Brettnacher: Mm-hmm.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, I was very fortunate just to, I think it was a, it was a good day, year that way weather-wise.

I had a pacer, a good friend of mine, uh, shout out to Dr. Stuart, through 20 miles. He left. He dropped out at 20. Uh, we still joke about that. Um, but yeah, no, it was great. The whole thing was amazing, and I am fortunate to get that win. Now, I know it's still a win, but I, it was, it was certainly before the Monumental Marathon got as big as it was, so.

Ally Brettnacher: Well, sure, yeah. But still.

Whitney Bevins: But it was cool. No, it, it was one of the most incredible, I think, moments of my life, but also as a runner sure. Right.

Ally Brettnacher: Like, I mean,

Whitney Bevins: I don't, yeah, like- So, it's

Ally Brettnacher: so

Whitney Bevins: cool ... to win your debut marathon was pretty cool.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: So I'm, I'm pretty proud of that.

Ally Brettnacher: You should be.

Whitney Bevins: Thank you.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

So then, okay, so Olympic trials in LA. Yep. 30th. That's, I mean, that's really cool. And then what- After that, other marathons that you did? Uh, I paced- When did you get into coaching too?

Whitney Bevins: Like- I paced, yeah, I paced a few marathons after that. So I had a surgery, or I had stem cell done on the hamstring in '17.

Ally Brettnacher: Okay.

Whitney Bevins: And again, just struggled really coming back. Uh, I got into coaching in 2019. Uh, I was helping as an assistant at Westfield.

Ally Brettnacher: Okay.

Whitney Bevins: And yeah, 'cause I'd moved back from training to Indianapolis. Um, still married at the time. Yeah, got into coaching as an assistant at Westfield. I mean, just kind of full circle.

Ally Brettnacher: Mm-hmm.

Whitney Bevins: It made the most sense for me if I couldn't be competing at the level I was at to coach. Uh, and I loved it. I loved it. I loved it. Um, and yeah. And then, you know, I think unfortunately, I, I think, I think we talked about it, yeah. Unfortunately, I, I don't think we actually said it out loud, but I'm happy to...

You know, it's part of my story. Um, I was the head coach and loved it. I like, I thrived. Like, I loved coaching the girls and, you know, that was the first time post-running that I had goals, you know, that were still running-related but not necessarily for myself. Yes,

Ally Brettnacher: yeah.

Whitney Bevins: And it was incredible. Like, I loved seeing, like, the girls improve and, like, being a part of that and getting to educate and support and kind of, you know, so many people had given to me in the sport.

Like, it was so cool to be able to kind of, I guess, give back or still be passionate- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm ... about it in a different way, and I loved it. Um, and you know, it's not, it's not private information. Unfortunately, I get a DUI in 2023 and stepped away from that role, uh, which really sucked.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, yeah. And so I think that was kind of a big part of kind of what leads us, I think, into the next- Great

like, kind of why we're here a little bit. Mm-hmm. Um, I think when I lost that community, like, I didn't know what to do. Like, honestly, like, that was a huge community for me, like, in terms of just, like, all of it. Yeah. Running.

Ally Brettnacher: Like, your purpose too. Yeah. Like, I- For sure ... can see that'd be so

Whitney Bevins: hard. So, yeah. Um, and then again, it's kind of like looking back at my whole story, it's, yeah, it's been anytime kind of without running is certainly a dark, um, a dark space.

Ally Brettnacher: Mm-hmm.

Whitney Bevins: Um, you know, and this would probably be, I guess, after that, um, in 2023, would kind of, like, lead into probably the darkest place I've ever been, um, that I think- I never could have imagined. So

Ally Brettnacher: Well, and, and you're not alone in the mental health and, like, dealing with depression- Yeah ... and, like, you know- Mm

living through, through that. It, it runs in your family, too- It absolutely does ... which we talked about- Yeah, mm-hmm ... during our first episode together. Um, which, I mean, how did you... You mentioned going through your first episode, whatever you wanna call it, when you were in, um, when you were in the Peace Corps.

Whitney Bevins: Mm-hmm.

Ally Brettnacher: Like, how did you know and recognize, and then how did you-

Whitney Bevins: Um, I think, so when I came back from the Peace Corps, and I think there are a lot of volunteers who struggle, um, and they don't prepare you. They, who is they?

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: The organization, I guess, doesn't fully prepare people, um, coming back. So there's just general, I think, not everyone, but a lot of volunteers do struggle with reent- Yeah

you know, coming back. Um, and I, and I don't wanna compare it at all-

Ally Brettnacher: Almost like being in the military.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, similar. But yeah, I, you know, um, very careful to compare that- Yeah ... but it's similar. You know, I was in a third-world country for two years. Yeah. And so there's a struggle coming back, just even generally speaking.

Um, but I think I was already pretty clinically depressed, um, already. And coming back, and I don't think I knew, again, it still, nobody, nobody, um, talked about it- Right ... as much. Even, even then it, you know, I'd never been, um, I think I'd been to a therapist a couple... Well, no. At that point in my life I'd never even seen a therapist.

I'd never been on any medication. Oh, my gosh, yeah. Nobody talked about it. Um, even though it was prevalent in my family, uh, you know, I lost a grandfather to suicide. Um, certainly there's addiction on both sides of my family. Mm. And, you know, other struggles, which is funny nobody talked about it. Um, and, you know, I think when I came back, that was the first time I think I acknowledged my dad was struggling, and he and I communicated about it.

But it was, he viewed my depression as different than his. Mm. He wanted me to get help, and he saw his as, I mean, he's that generation. He was a Vietnam vet, and, you know, it was just who he was. It wasn't something you talked about or fixed. It was just part-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah, that's just how

Whitney Bevins: it

Ally Brettnacher: is.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. And so- So ... I don't know, yeah, for the, I think it was 2008 was the first time I actually saw a doctor to, like, even address, like, this is what this is.

And, and again, it was a period of time without running. Yeah. You know? And I think, um, I would ultimately, it was, I, the irony, and I wrote a poem about this, um, the irony for me was I started getting back into running, and I was, I took myself off all antidepressants 'cause I, I don't know, just stubborn that way.

Wow. Yeah. Um, but running helped. I got back into running in 2008. Not competitively, but just finding it again. Mm-hmm. And I was living in Colorado when my dad would take his life, and I moved back here. Um, and that's kind of when I- Like really got back into it and I knew I needed it for me, like as my own depression but also like as a way to cope- Yeah

like with his death. Yeah. So yeah, it's like, and then that kind of led into the marathoning at that point, like- Mm-hmm ... and just I knew, like again that Those miles were just so cathartic and healing, and I think as someone that has an addictive personality, it helped- Yeah ... a lot, it just in so many ways.

Mm-hmm. Um, and yeah, so I'm grateful that I found marathoning and kind of found running again for that reason. And I think, you know, part of my Olympic trial journey for was, you know, in a way, uh, and my dad was a difficult person. But I also... You know, there was a part of, I think, honoring him along the way-

Ally Brettnacher: Mm

Whitney Bevins: you know, when I ran that.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: So. I don't know.

Ally Brettnacher: And then at what point did you get married-

Whitney Bevins: Mm ...

Ally Brettnacher: in this time?

Whitney Bevins: Let's see. I moved back, so I was working for New Balance in California. I'm all over the place, Ally. It's like Well,

Ally Brettnacher: yeah. Well, I mean- I was, yeah ... your, well, your story is, there is a lot.

Whitney Bevins: There, yeah. I- There is

Ally Brettnacher: a lot

Whitney Bevins: um, I'm a bit of a gypsy. Um, yeah, I guess is the best. I, I used to be so much more nomadic than I am now and-

Ally Brettnacher: And you're a dietician too by trade.

Whitney Bevins: I am, yes. Which people, we didn't mention at all. Yeah, I never, yeah, and I never loved it, but it is technically, yeah. That's what I... Yeah, I am a dietician. Um, and I've, yeah, in, with jobs, yeah, I've kind of gone back between running and being a dietician.

Uh, I was working for New Balance at the time in 2011 or 2010, I'm sorry- Okay ... in California. Um, my husband at the time proposed to me in 2010 thinking, I think he hoped I wouldn't move to California for that job. Um, but I think I needed it at the time after my dad's passing, uh, to-- It would be the first thing I really did in, I don't know.

I, I moved back from Colorado to help my mom or just to kind of just be here. Yeah. And the New Balance job would take me to California, and I think I really needed that. But we were engaged, and I moved back to Indianapolis in 2010 to get married. Um-

Ally Brettnacher: So did he come out there with you?

Whitney Bevins: No, he didn't. He didn't.

He, he had a company here. So you did long distance for- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he has a company here. He was getting his business off the ground, and so, you know, I think that was always the decision is I would come back- Mm-hmm ... to Indiana to get married. Yeah. And, um, yeah, and, and I'm grateful for him in so many ways 'cause he was very supportive of my running when I got into the marathoning- Yeah

and was a huge cheerleader for me- Mm-hmm ... through all that training and again, supported me ultimately going out to Colorado to train, um, with initially Brad Hudson's group out there. And, um, you know, he was, he was a champion for me and supported, you know, all of that. And- Mm-hmm ... I'm grateful for him 'cause he was, you know, works very hard at and does still, like, getting his company off the ground and, you know.

So I was grateful to have someone to, to be that for me.

Ally Brettnacher: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And to make it very clear-

Whitney Bevins: Mm-hmm ...

Ally Brettnacher: when we talk about what you've been through the last few years- Mm-hmm, yes ... it is not-

Whitney Bevins: Correct ... with this man. I, thank you. And I appreciate that. Yeah. Yeah. 'Cause he's... No, um, my husband is an amazing human being and never, ever, ever never, ever, ever did anything that would- Go, like, even close to the word of abuse ever Yeah,

Ally Brettnacher: yeah

Whitney Bevins: ever.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: No, he's kind, he's thoughtful, he's generous, and I'm grateful still, um, that we have, you know, a relationship still.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, and he's been a support for me, um, getting even, you know, the protective order and, um, and all that. Like, he's just an amazing human being. Yeah. So I'm ... Yeah ... it's ironic. Um, there's a lot of, uh, karma in a way, but, like, I'm still grateful for him.

Ally Brettnacher: So when you and I were working at the running store- Yes ... is that, is that when you met-

Whitney Bevins: Yeah ... what,

Ally Brettnacher: what should we call, what should we refer to

Whitney Bevins: him

Ally Brettnacher: as? No, that's

Whitney Bevins: a

Ally Brettnacher: good question. Your ex-boyfriend

Whitney Bevins: or? No, I don't, I don't even like that term. Um-

Ally Brettnacher: Your abuser?

Whitney Bevins: I mean- Abuser, yeah ... I mean- That's kind of how I reference him because I think that's the best way to describe him.

Uh, yeah, um, yeah, my abuser, that's I think how I've spoke... When I've kinda became public on social media, that's how I refer to him. Um, I don't think he deserves- Yeah, anything

Ally Brettnacher: else. Yeah

Whitney Bevins: He doesn't deserve anything else other than that title.

Ally Brettnacher: Okay, so how did you meet?

Whitney Bevins: Um, in the running community. You know, again, everything's connected.

Um, his kids ran at Westfield, you know, I was coaching, and just, you know, through the community. Um, he was going through a divorce, um, and we met just, you know, as a coach, like spending time with parents. Um, you know, got to know one another through, just through that community. And, you know, um, it's, running commun- you know, it's a tight community and, you know, as a coach I got to, you know, I would often, you know, hang out with parents, was grateful to be just kind of like brought in and, um, yeah.

So that's kind of, you know. And again, like I will say this just to be very clear, there's no formal diagnosis. Um, you know, so I'm making sure that's clear. There is no formal diagnosis. Um, so when I speak about my abuser, I, by my own experience, um, I believe he, him to be a narcissist. Um, I believe him to also have a personality disorder.

I, I guess technically Cluster B is the personality disorder type, uh, which would include sociopath and psychopath. Um, again, there's no formal diagnosis, to be clear. Um, that is my own experience just in terms of reading and what I experienced. Mm-hmm. So, um, I wanna be very clear about that. I'm not saying there's a formal diagnosis that he is those things.

Ally Brettnacher: Right.

Whitney Bevins: Um, but, you know, I, I believe if there was an opportunity potentially for a diagnosis, maybe he would-

Ally Brettnacher: Maybe that's the

Whitney Bevins: word ... fit into those categories.

Ally Brettnacher: But- So when you met, when you met, what year was that? Was that '23, '24? '

Whitney Bevins: 23. '

Ally Brettnacher: 23.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, '23.

Ally Brettnacher: Um- So it would've been later that year then for us. So I'm trying to- Mm-hmm

so our episode- Yeah ... together-

Whitney Bevins: Mm-hmm ...

Ally Brettnacher: came out in April of 2023. Yep. That

Whitney Bevins: would've been early on in, uh, the relationship.

Ally Brettnacher: Okay. So you would... 'Cause I remember- Mm-hmm ... talking about it- Yeah ... a little bit. Mm-hmm. Like, you mentioning him.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, so that would be early on, and that would be considered technically, again, this is my own words, I'm not saying he is diagnosed, so we're clear on that.

Um, from my own experience and what I've read, that would still have been in what I call the love bombing stage. Mm. Um, which is- When that is how abusers kind of get you in. Um, and at that point, you know, I, there were compliments. There, you know, constant... There was, um, an I love you very early on. Mm-hmm.

There was immediate, there was an immediate, you know, uh, y- you're spending all the time together. I remember he called me his lucky charm. Hmm. And, you know, it, it, it's... I remember literally saying this to him once, "You're too good to be true." And I think if that's the case, I was, I was right. Um, but that was still the love bombing stage, and he wanted me to travel with him everywhere.

Um, you know, he, it was all the things, um- Did you

Ally Brettnacher: move in with him?

Whitney Bevins: Eventually, yes. He bought a house in, um- 20, I guess, yeah, it would've been late 2023. Um, and yeah, ultimately, yeah, we were. And, um, it was probably around, let me see, May. I remember May was the first time. And there were some small red flags early on, but, you know, it's too...

You don't, you're not- Well, now

Ally Brettnacher: you can see it.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, absolutely. But yeah. Early on, um, there were definitely red flags. Um, I had planned a trip to California, I remember, right after the DUI, and I got, you know, stepped away from coaching and I, it was just, I needed, I think, a time away. And I remember I canceled that trip.

I remember I canceled that trip. And I can't-- I'm not gonna, again, try to say word for word because I don't, you know, I don't, I can't recall that, so I need to be careful of, like, saying-

Ally Brettnacher: Saying things

Whitney Bevins: are truth

Ally Brettnacher: that

Whitney Bevins: are- This correct ... yeah. Um, I just remember I canceled that trip because there was some, um, I don't know.

It, I just remember it involved him, me canceling that trip, and that was probably a red flag early on. Yeah,

Ally Brettnacher: like he did not want you to go on that trip for

Whitney Bevins: whatever reason. Yeah, there- Right. Yeah. Yeah, there w- So, you know, I was happy to. Like, you know, I was like, "Okay, yeah." Oh. I was like, "Like, I wanna spend time with you," and, you know.

And, um, and it was May. I remember May, so let's call it four or five months in. May was the first time... Am I allowed to swear on this, or should I not swear? You,

Ally Brettnacher: you can, yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Okay. Well, I mean, I guess just if I'm being factual, I remember the first time, um, he told me to shut the fuck up, and I had never, you know, I don't remember if anybody had ever said that to me in my life.

You know, like-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: um, certainly. And I remember it caught me so off guard because, again, this, you know, he was everything. Like, uh, and I, I remember he did apologize, and I at that point had boundaries still.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: You know, I was, I, I remember saying, "You can't talk to me that way," and I think he apologized and was like, "I'm sorry."

"It'll

Ally Brettnacher: never do that again." "

Whitney Bevins: It'll never happen again." And that's, if you read about any of this or research, it's textbook, right? It starts small.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, and it starts to slowly unravel.

Ally Brettnacher: In terms of narcissism? Yeah. Like in narcissists?

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, yeah. If you, yeah, if you kinda research, um, there's stages. There's, I mean, step-by-step stages.

Like, again, it kind of starts with love bomb- bombing, and then there's like slowly the, um- I would, yeah, and I should have written it down for the, like, the purposes of this interview. Um, but yeah, the next is, like, kind of slowly, um, kind of the control, the abuse start to slowly, um, unravel over time. Mm-hmm.

But then they breadcrumb. It's, so one terminology is breadcrumbing. So after a little bit of abuse, and abuse in this, uh, as I'm calling it, will, could include name-calling, control, could be, uh, manipulation, gaslighting. It doesn't necessarily have to be physical. Mm-hmm. Um, it wouldn't be physical in our relationship until 2024.

So initially it was just name-calling, small things, kind of giving me permission to do things. Mm-hmm. And then a few days later, making me feel bad for doing that thing, you know? So it starts small, but then they'll breadcrumb early on, and breadcrumbing is essentially they will Um, bring you back to that good spot, right?

Yeah. And then you like, "Oh, okay. We're fine." You know, "We're fine." Like- Oh

Ally Brettnacher: yeah, I'm, I was overreacting, or I was overthinking that.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. That was okay. It would j- yeah, that was not a big deal. Yeah. Like, you know, we're good, we're good. And that's part of how it works- Yeah ... um, over time. And, um, yeah, I, and by the time you're in it, you don't fully know.

It- it's, it, it, and it sounds crazy to say, like, c- 'cause so many people have questions. Like, I, I've been asked, um, 'cause there's a stigma, I think. There's still so many stigmas, uh, around, again, the, I guess the term domestic violence, right? 'Cause so many people just view it as, uh, physical abuse.

Ally Brettnacher: Right.

Whitney Bevins: Um, and there's been people, so many ask, like, "How did someone like you," right?

'Cause again, there's even a stigma of people who get into these situations, right? Of it, you know, someone with a graduate degree or, you know, whatever, has- Yeah ... is successful, right? You know, how does someone, like, whatever, you know? What does that even mean? Um, I think there's still a stigma of even someone who could get into a relationship like this.

Um, I, it's hard to explain until you're in it.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: I even remember I had a friend who went through something similar, and I didn't understand it. I was like, "Just, I don't get it." Like-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah, like it's obvious to, to... As somebody-

Whitney Bevins: Mm-hmm ...

Ally Brettnacher: from the outside, it feels obvious. Mm-hmm. But ex- explain, I guess, to people how, why that is so hard.

Whitney Bevins: Well, because again, you have this, um, you have this love bombing stage that can last typically, again, textbook is anywhere from three months to a year. Some people it's longer, right? Like, the mask doesn't fall for every person in the situation. The mask doesn't always come off right away. So, you think you're in the best relationship you've ever been in in your whole life.

Mm. And you're hooked. You're in it. Yeah. You think this is real. Mm-hmm. Um, you really believe it's real. And then again, part of, and then it slowly, the mask comes off. Because these people in the community are, they're well-liked. They're generally very smart, very successful. He is very, um, very intelligent, went to a very prestigious school for undergrad and graduate.

Um, has always held very high positions in work. In the community, he's, oh, I mean, they're kind to everybody. They're very supportive. They're there first to help. You know, um, so it's so hard because you see how they interact

Ally Brettnacher: With other, with-

Whitney Bevins: And- ...

Ally Brettnacher: everybody

Whitney Bevins: but you And so you question your own reality 'cause you're like, well, because you're already hooked, right?

Yeah. The love bomb has happened.

Ally Brettnacher: Mm-hmm.

Whitney Bevins: And you see who they are i- in outside, so it's, it's confusing 'cause you're like, "Well, it must be something I did."

Ally Brettnacher: Yes.

Whitney Bevins: Ugh. And that's what they do. They tell you it's your fault.

Ally Brettnacher: Ugh.

Whitney Bevins: Um, and so you're like, "It must be 'cause he treats everyone else-"

Ally Brettnacher: S- so

Whitney Bevins: like, so- Right.

Oh, like someone's, someone, let's say, you know, someone needs help on the side of the road, he, oh, he's the first to stop, right? He's the first to stop and help. But if I would need help, nowhere.

Ally Brettnacher: Figure, yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah.

Ally Brettnacher: Figure out, you're an independent woman, figure it out.

Whitney Bevins: Or yeah, or- Yeah ... you know, or you're stupid or just- Smart

you're not-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah, you're just... Jesus ...

Whitney Bevins: you're not a priority. Um, so like again, trying to like bring it back-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: to running a little bit. So Fleefee, where you and I worked-

Ally Brettnacher: Mm-hmm ...

Whitney Bevins: again, that was early. Well, those were the early things. Um, I picked up a shift on Sunday, uh, a small sh- you know, a Sunday. It was, the store was only open a few hours anyway.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: So I was working Saturday shift at Fleefee at the time, and I think I, I, I got asked to work on Sunday, and I don't think there was anything going on, so I was, "Yeah, that's great. Like, I can, I can do that." And I think I had forgotten to tell him or told him late Saturday afternoon. I was like, "Oh yeah, by the way, I picked up this shift on Sunday," and I didn't think that would be a big deal.

And he told me, uh, that I was prioritizing my job over him. I was choosing our manager, who was a male at the time, over him. I was... Yeah, that's, I chose, I was choosing our male manager over him. Um, and if he was a priority, I wouldn't have picked up that shift. And, um, I, I wasn't, I don't think the male manager was even working with me that Sunday.

You know, he was us- Yeah ... you know, there was only a couple people. Right. And it was only a few hours, and that I remember was another early on thing, and ultimately I, um, I mean, it wasn't the main reason I left Fleet Feet, but it became a reason I left Fleet Feet was because I was prioritizing a male person over him who, you know, that...

And so that would be, again, become one of the first times that, uh, work would become an issue. Um, I remember I was interviewing once for another job, um, and the interview had gone longer than he thought it should go, and he followed, or he came to where I was being interviewed and didn't come inside, but I called after I left and he asked where I was and why did the interview take so long.

And I tried to explain what- Yeah ... the circumstances were. And, uh, I remember he told me, and I, it, some of this stuff is, you know, I, I guess you can edit out. Um, I remember he told me that the only reason an interview would go that long was because I was performing sexual favors on the person interviewing me.

And, um, yeah, so he came to see where I was being interviewed and, um, and that's, yeah, that would be the reason that the interview went, um, as long as it did.

Ally Brettnacher: Gosh.

Whitney Bevins: Um, and so yeah, jobs became difficult. You, so you helped me set up, um, again- Oh, yeah, like a

Ally Brettnacher: coaching-

Whitney Bevins: Yeah ... all the coaching stuff. You helped me set that up.

Um, and I remember I had a client, and I was in the car with him when I, I remember I took a call from her and, you know, I think we were in the car, so we had it on s- speakerphone- Speaker, yeah ... CarPlay, whatever. And I'm not great v- verbally generally. I m- I'm a much better communicator in writing when I can think about my thoughts and- Yeah

articulate better. And I remember he told me, "Why would anybody wanna work with me?" Because, and he called me the R-word. Um, I sounded- Yeah ... stupid and on that call, you know. And why would anybody wanna work with me? Because I sounded so stupid. And There would become jealousy around me coaching other people.

And I, I, I'd offer to write workouts for him, you know, 'cause we did. We, we, you know, we enjoyed running together and, you know, I enjoyed helping him, you know, with, with that and, um, and, you know, teaching him some things about, you know, becoming more efficient and, and, and, um, and, but that would become an issue, me writing training for other people and not him.

Or if I hadn't written his in the right time versus somebody else, that became an issue. When did you feel... 'Cause I, I, you and I, like, it's not like we had a huge falling out necessarily- Mm-hmm ... but,

Ally Brettnacher: like, you disappeared almost, right? Yeah. And we're like, did I- I feel like I almost didn't see you necessarily

Whitney Bevins: for a few years.

Um, yeah.

Ally Brettnacher: But

Whitney Bevins: that's

Ally Brettnacher: also a common- Yeah ... theme of this- Yeah ... is the isolation. So.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, it's, and that's hard to explain because, because they, they're not technically, like, again, I was never lock- you know, locked in a space- Right ... or anything like that. Right, right. Right? Um, you know, I was never necessarily told I couldn't do something, right?

It's never that, you know, so to be clear, because that's, they're very s- smart and calculated in how they speak and how they operate and, you know, so it was never like He could technically say, "I never told her she couldn't do this thing," which would be true.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. But- But he like almost punishes you- Yes

if you do it by

Whitney Bevins: being- Yes, correct. There is always punishment. Yeah. There is always punishment. Um, and what is punishment? A- again, for this purpose of this pod- like, it was not physical punishment. It would be yelled at. Mm. It would be called names. It would be make him feel like, you know, I, again, didn't choose him or maybe choose his kids.

I was making them a priority. So you- Mm-hmm ... so you stop just doing those things because you're like, "Okay, yeah, you're right. Like, I should... Like, I need to make you a priority. Like, if I'm... You know, I'm sorry if I wasn't doing that." And, uh, so you stop doing things that you would normally do. Um, and so that's where they're smart.

Like, he could say, "I never, I never told her she couldn't do this thing," and that would be partly true, you know? And they're, they're good at that. Um, it is control and ego at all times. Every second of the day is about control and ego, every second, and power, and power. I would never know when I had messed up.

I never quote, quote unquote, "messed up," if you will. Right. Right. But you know what I'm saying?

Ally Brettnacher: Um- When he would think that you had messed up.

Whitney Bevins: Um, yeah, and I, again, I think it's fair to say, too, like, I was not a perfect person, right? Like, I mean, it, abuse aside, right, like there... and that's a hard thing, too. You still have a relationship with this person.

Yeah. Like, an actual relationship. Mm-hmm. Right? So you're always kind of living in these, this duality of there is a relationship, um, that it, I don't know if it's real, right? Like, I mean, I don't know if any of that was real. I've, I couldn't tell you. Yeah. It feels real, but then there's the duality of the abuse, and you're kind of living in these two states constantly of, um...

And the longer it goes on, the more you under- like, logically you know you're being abused, but you're in a relationship with this person. Yeah. It becomes your life. It becomes your routine, right? You, there are good days, right? There are great days, and so, you know, that's what keeps you in it. There are, there are great days.

I, we had a blast together. Doing, there, you know, we had so much fun. Yeah. And we were close in so many ways, and And that's not untrue. Now, whether it was real for him, I, I, I don't know. I don't, I don't know. Uh, I don't know what was real for him. It-- 'cause everything I've read about is I was simply an object to be used for a purpose.

I was a supply, is the term. My understanding is generally there's kind of a main supply, if you will, for these people. I was the face, essentially, of his world. He would talk to people about me with... I was, you know, I-- oh, he loved to tell people I ran in Olympic trials, right? Yeah. Like, oh, he loved... I, I, I remember literally being in the house with him one time and he was on a call talking to someone about his girlfriend who ran the Olympic trials and, and after the call, like shortly after the call, I, and I kid you not, like he's bragging about me to someone because it makes, I made him look, look good.

I mean, yeah. Right. And then after the call, shortly after call, he would tell me to again shut the fuck up or get the fuck out of his office, you know. Like that is the extreme. Um, so I was, I was someone to be used as needed, I believe. Uh, I was put in a box when I wasn't needed. Um, we would spend a lot of time together, and I think that's very different than saying that someone's there for you, like in real life or real, like when you actually need them to show up.

Ally Brettnacher: Mm-hmm.

Whitney Bevins: Um, and he wasn't. You know, if literally anything better came up or whatever, I was just put on a shelf. Um, my understanding too is there's often, uh, lots of supply. They seek, um, I factually will-- I'm saying this to be clear, um, I do not have any actual proof that there were other supplies, but there were things that happened that led me to believe that there were, there were certainly other supplies, and there were in his marriage, there were other, lots of other...

So when I say supply, it's like these people need to, they're ego fed constantly. Mm-hmm. The admiration. They need the buildup, right? And it gets to a point where one analogy I use is he expected me at all times to be a beautiful flower and to present as a beautiful flower that, but he never watered me.

So he, the expectation was to give me no water or sunlight, but to still provide him, you know, um- Beauty and to, um, there's a word, aroma, you know- Mm ... to, like, present without any water or sunlight. But that's the actual expectation. Right. As you... And so if you don't give them that admiration, um, they're gonna find it elsewhere.

And the abuse would get worse in time. Um, he threatened, um... And I'll, I'll read one text, I guess, and I've got a few, I think, just to, like, highlight the extreme. Like, I think so many people have a hard time understanding, um, like, what do you mean by abuse if it's not physical? And this is one of the first- Right.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: um, it would be late 2023 that I started recording, or not recording, but I would start saving-

Ally Brettnacher: The

Whitney Bevins: texts and

Ally Brettnacher: stuff ...

Whitney Bevins: things. Yeah. He-- I remember even one time, and 'cause I didn't know, I think I'd always had all my text messages saved forever, you know, like there's a- Yeah. Yeah ... forever and unknown. You can set the setting to save forever.

Ally Brettnacher: Right.

Whitney Bevins: I just had always done that. And he told me something about, "Well, you can erase them after 30 days." And I was like, "Okay, well, I'll change that setting." You know, not thinking... I don't know if that was intentional or if literally it was just- Right ... an actual- Yeah ... but it would be December or November of '23 that I knew I start, needed to start saving things, um, if I were to get out or to, um...

Now, unfortunately, saving that stuff didn't matter, and we'll, I think, talk about that. Yeah. But here's a text from him. The night before, I-- there was an, you know, there was an incident. He was scary in the car, and I got out, um, of his truck. Uh, I'll, you know, be careful, like, in terms of names here, but I, I, I said something.

I said, "I'm sorry, I was scared." And his response to me was, "You should be scared, because if I lose my kids, blank is going to lose his life. I will literally break into his house and fucking murder him. I will fucking slowly kill that motherfucker so you can watch."

And that would become my normal That would become my normal. Um, and I counted, um, I put this out here for the purpose of a potential legal case. Um, I counted from 2023 when I started saving text messages, uh, he called me a whore 293 times in text, and that doesn't include in person, over the phone. Right.

Um, you know, so people are like, "Well, what do you..." You know, "What do you mean?" If it's not... Like, and that's the hardest part is I tried to present a legal case, uh, finally. It took a long time, and I've had a lot of support, um, over the last three, now four years. Um, I met a woman through his daughter who had been in a severely abusive relationship, and she and I connected right away 'cause I had no idea who to talk to.

Right. I had no idea. Like, once you're in it, like, you don't know what to do. You're scared. You're fe- I mean, he would, um, one time, um, and I, I don't need to pull up the text 'cause I know exactly what it says. And to be fair, again, like, I was never the... You know, I, I think, I think they prefer someone who's more submissive.

Mm-hmm. I'm not that person. Yeah. Um, I speak up, and I think prob- again, I'm not s- I didn't deserve to be abused and, um, but I, I think I acknowledge the fact that I stood up for myself and would... When I say fight back, I don't mean, like, phys- Right ... but, like, I would just, I would call him on things. I would...

You know? Right. I, I wasn't just this submissive person, and I think for someone like him, that escalated things. Hmm. You know? Um, so again, I don't think I deserve the abuse, but probably a little bit my personality probably did escalate things. I think he wasn't used to anyone- Right ... calling him out or standing up to him like I did.

Mm-hmm. Um, but we were in New York one time and, um, I mean, there's so many, so many stories. But he ultimately, um... I mean, he would say terrible things like you would wanna have sex with other women or, you know, other women were attractive and blah, blah, blah, and I, I think I had mentioned that, um, he was working for a female-led company at the time, and I said like, "If...

I'm gonna... If that's how you speak about your female coworkers, I'm gonna notify like your, like your bo- you know, your boss." And he told me, and I remember this was the eeriest thing. It wasn't yelling. I think he was quiet and calm, and he said, "If I find out you emailed her, I will break each one of your dog's legs.

I will make you watch, and then I will slit your throat And I have that in a text message. I mean, he said it to me in person, but I have him admitting to saying that. And so, you know, I-- the number of times he would threaten my life, I, I can't count. And I don't know. You don't know what to do. Like when someone you think loves you- Mm-hmm

like is telling you they love you, and then they're also threatening to slit your throat and murder your dogs. Like, I don't, I, I don't know. I-- you don't know what to do. Yeah. Um, and so that's-- I think, you know, people ask why you stay. I think fear is probably the number one response. Yeah. Um, it... generally speaking, you don't-- Even if there are threats, you don't know.

Like you don't know if this threat's ever gonna come to fruition, and you don't wanna find out. Yeah. Um, I remember that trip was, I think, one of the first times he threatened to kill me or imply it. Yeah. Um, yeah. I-- it's, it, uh, yeah, it's so, it's so hard to put it all into words and really to, um, you know... I think to kind of bring it back to running a little bit in terms of you kind of even mentioning, like, I kinda went away, and I did.

I remember I deleted Strava.

Ally Brettnacher: Oh, yeah, we hadn't talked about that.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. Um, I deleted Strava. It would become an issue of whether or not I posted. Why didn't I post? Was I hiding stuff? Um, I wasn't. Like, I just... I don't know, like I didn't record something or I didn't have my watch. I don't know, you know. Um, so that would become an issue.

And then also being someone, I guess, who competed at the level I did, I had a lot of Strava followers and, you know, a lot of them happened to be men. Like men I didn't have relationships with, but you know, you know Strava, like people- Yeah ... like your stuff, that's it. Like, um, ultimately, I deleted Strava because it would become an issue.

And even, uh, and ultimately, I think I got back on Strava and only had one follower, and I only followed one person, and it was him. And Even in July, Strava was an issue. I remember going someplace and he said I better make sure that anything we did that was like hiking related or whatever was recorded on Strava and that we would be connected so people could see that Um, and so yeah, I, um, yeah, I got off Strava.

You know, again, to kind of bring this back to running some ways, like how was it, um... Yeah, I, it, that-

Ally Brettnacher: Well, it took you, I mean, essentially took it away from you almost, because every time I imagine you left the house or went or like-

Whitney Bevins: Uh, yeah. I remember one time I went for a run and I didn't bring my watch.

Um, and that, I mean, I think for weeks I heard about that. Where was I? What was I doing? Um, why didn't I record my run? What was I doing? Where was I? Um-

Ally Brettnacher: Did

Whitney Bevins: he track

Ally Brettnacher: your location?

Whitney Bevins: I don't know. Uh, I don't know. If he ever did, I don't know, um, honestly. I- I

Ally Brettnacher: didn't know if you had like, you know, I can s- my husband and I can see each other's location.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. No, we never did that. Um, we ne- he would refuse on it. Like, he actually refused to... Even if I had wanted to, he wouldn't, um, I think, m- you know, maybe on a trip or something, but no, we never did. Um, and he generally wouldn't. I mean-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: why would... Yeah, he didn't. Yes, someone like him doesn't want people knowing where he is.

Ally Brettnacher: Right. Of course.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah.

Ally Brettnacher: But, but-

Whitney Bevins: Yeah ...

Ally Brettnacher: you need to be, he needs to be aware of where

Whitney Bevins: you are. Yeah. So but I didn't. No, we didn't in that way. If he ever tracked me, I don't, I'll be honest, I don't know.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, there was an incident recently, um, after the protective order was put into place where I was at a restaurant with my aunt, and this was literally, uh, just like weeks ago.

Yeah. Um, and he, it was a Tuesday afternoon, evening, sorry, and he showed up at the same restaurant with his, whatever, one of his new women. Who knows? Yeah. I don't know. Whatever. Um, and he did leave, um, because legally he's required to. He can't be, you know, if, he has to leave as part of the protective order.

Um, and I told a lot of people that, and people asked me, like, "Is he tracking you?" 'Cause it was such an obscure, it was Tuesday at 6:00 PM on the west side. Like, it, I don't know. I don't know.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. Weird.

Whitney Bevins: Uh, I, it could have just re- I mean, it, very possibly just a coincidence, a complete coincidence, you know.

Like, it's a huge coincidence, but strange nonetheless.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. Like,

Whitney Bevins: you know, I only was there, but my aunt lives on the south side of town, and so it was, it was a good meeting place for us.

Ally Brettnacher: Right.

Whitney Bevins: And who knows, you know, maybe that woman he was with lives near there. Sure. I don't know. You know, maybe he's avoiding the Westwood car.

I don't know. Who knows? Yeah, right, right. I could speculate. It, but a lot of people asked if he was tracking me.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. I

Whitney Bevins: don't know. I did have my car checked, for what it's worth.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. Wow. Um- I mean- Jesus.

Whitney Bevins: Um-

Ally Brettnacher: So also let's talk about, 'cause I wanna talk about how kind of the process- Mm-hmm ... that you went through of ultimately getting out.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And what, and how you navigate what the

Whitney Bevins: hell

Ally Brettnacher: to do.

Whitney Bevins: Um, right. Uh, so again, I think there's a f- the place of- Um, first acknowledging you're being a- abused. And I remember one time I, I did try to tell his family, and that went poorly. Um, that went very poorly. Um, I would be-- First of all, I was lying.

I was lying. I was crazy. Um, there's no way, you know, because of how he present, you know. Yeah. And, you know, they would protect him ultimately. And he told me, I remember early on, s- he-- This was before I saved text message. I wish I had this one. He said, "You just try to tell my family. No one will believe you."

And he was, he was right. Yeah. And they protect him. I, I-- Literally, people in his family have seen things he's done, and they still... I'm crazy, delusional. Um, it's wild. But they, they protect one another, you know, like, to a fault. Um, and so again, so there's first acknowledging that you're being abused. Um, I think that's a hard part to get to, again, because there's still so much like, "Well, if you're not being physically hurt all the time, then..."

Or, and you're told it's your fault. You're told you deserved it. He told me at some point, if no one was gonna hold me accountable, he would, he would, he would punish me, and I deserve to be punished. And if no one else was going to, he would. And you start to believe that, so you, uh... Um, but I knew. Like I, I knew.

Um, I r- I think one of the biggest first things that alerted me was, this would've been ,2024, um, and I will read the text message. I've posted this live because I think it's shows the depth of cruelty. Um, not just... And I think this is where it goes beyond narcissism for me, is they will use your most vulnerable.

So in the love bombing stage, you're vulnerable, you open up, you share things. Um, he said, uh, and again, I apologize for the, the swear words. They're just part of it. "Fuck you, you dirty fucking whore. You disease-ridden whore. Your dad literally shot himself in the head because you're such an annoying piece of shit, so fuck off, you fucking piece of shit."

Um, and I would have... I don't know if I look back, if I really wanted to. Who knows? There were probably close-- I don't know. In just texts alone, there were That I, at some point for evidence, was going back through, I think 20 different times he referenced my dad's suicide and I was the reason he would kill himself.

Um, I was-- my fault that my dad killed himself. Um And, and then there were-- the f- I remember the first physical threat. Um, he told me he was gonna beat my face in if I didn't do something. You know, I don't even remember what, but that was the first time I kind of knew that that was the first physical threat.

Um, there would be a concussion at one point, um, that was my fault, you know? Of course it was my fault. And, uh, he would even gaslight me to the point or minute, you know, he told me I faked it. I went to the ER or urgent care, and I faked it. And, um, he would ultimately admit in a text message that he had given me the concussion.

Um, but any time it was referenced, it was my fault. I had upset him. I had whatever. Hmm. Um, so anyway, there's, if there's not the physical abuse all the time, you're, you think you deserve it or you, "I gotta do better. If I, if I just, if I just do better, if I m- stay more quiet, if I do all the things he says, I'll," you know.

Ally Brettnacher: It'll be

Whitney Bevins: fine. Um, it was 2024, I s- I reached out to Firefly. I was given a reference to them in Indianapolis. Um, someone who I knew worked there in the past, um, referred me there, and I h- didn't have a lot of traction initially with them.

Ally Brettnacher: What is it? What is the organization

Whitney Bevins: again? So Firefly's a great organization in Indianapolis.

Um, I think, um, they do, they help women. Um, they have a lot of resources, um, not just women, but they do help a lot of, um, families in rough situations. And at, at their Marion County, I think they're, they're very busy. And to be honest, I probably wasn't in a place either to be ready- Yeah ... for their services.

If I'm, you know, if I'm being fair to them, they're a great organization, and I would refer them, you know, to anyone. Um, but I wasn't ready, I think, to get out at that point. So that was 2024. And then in December of this year, um, there were, there was... It was the first time I would go to call Carmel Police.

Um, not, I was out of the house, um, and he threatened to smash my brains in if I didn't get out of the house, and I knew he was serious. And I, he had admitted that if he started in on me, he wouldn't stop. Um, and I believe that. Um, so I got out. I got my dogs. And the next morning, I called Carmel Police. Um, and I wish I had done a statement at that time.

I didn't, but they referred me to Prevail. Um, I think actually this was, would've been January of, uh, '26. They referred me to Prevail, and that would be the first time I would kinda get in their system Um, I met with them. I think the next morning I went to Prevail and they talked to me. If I, if at that time I wanted to do the protective order, I could have.

I think at that point I, I still wasn't ready. I was attached to his kids, you know. I-- We were not married, um, but for all intents and purposes I acted as their stepmom, you know, in every way possible.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: You know? Um, I love them. I did everything you know, uh, in terms of cleaning, you know, uh, house, you know, helped buy them clothes, helped with, you know, everything.

Yeah. Everything. You know, um, helped with homework, give rides, attend parent meetings, you know, everything. Like I was a stepmom in every way that a stepmom is, I think, or shows up. Yeah. You know? And I wasn't ready. Um, and I would continue to work with Prevail. One point I got really scared because they called me while he was home.

Ally Brettnacher: Oh.

Whitney Bevins: Now their number doesn't, you know, it doesn't show up. It shows up kind of anon-anonymously but I think I got really scared, um, 'cause I think he asked like who that was and-

Ally Brettnacher: Right ...

Whitney Bevins: um, I stepped away from their services at that time. That was probably around April of this year. And then, you know, so it was really up to me at any point.

Like they were there to help in, with job resources, with counseling, with support groups. Um, they were there and ready and they have advocates like reaching out to you to check on you-

Ally Brettnacher: Mm ...

Whitney Bevins: um, to set up, you know, individual therapy if you want. They're just, they're great. And finally, you know, so there it's always in the back of my mind and I knew it was getting to the point where I was losing myself.

Um, I remember... And he would go in phases. Like there was, it was cyclical, um, where there would be some good, right? And then again this is where there's no formal diagnosis. This was just my th- uh-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: experience at this point. I, I noticed it became cyc-cyclical, like his moods were, you know. Yeah. So what, what that is I don't know- Yeah

um, you know, in terms of a formal diagnosis but... And he would go in waves in terms of the abuse too. Like sometimes it would be, it would be focused on my dad's suicide. Other times it would be, "I'm stupid." It w-would focus on... But in the winter it became a focus of, um, him trying to get me to kill myself. I have text messages of him saying, "Why won't I just do it?"

You know, "Why won't I just rid, help everybody out and-" Christ ... kill myself? And We were in, um, Arizona visiting friends, and it's funny how calculated he is. W- we had a room that, like, opened up to a pool. And at night, he kept trying to just tell me, he's like, "Why won't you go drown yourself in the pool? It's right outside.

Why won't you just go outside and drown yourself?" And he told me 'cause I was a coward. I wouldn't kill myself 'cause I was a coward. And please just go outside and drown yourself and do everybody a favor. Again, I'd always known, right? But, like, that was the start, I think, of really, like, understanding that, like, I...

It was time, you know? Any, any maybe kind of good at that point that, that I was hanging onto, I knew that was going away. Like, anything I could possibly justify of, like, there being good, you know, um, was, was al- was gone. You know, when someone's telling you to kill yourself, like, like, that's... First of all, it's not normal behavior.

And he had calculated that so well, 'cause he even told his friend. He's like, "We'll get in an argument, and yeah, I'll say mean things, and you just wait. Tomorrow, tomorrow she'll be quiet." You know, like, it was so calculated. Like, even him kind of almost like... And again, you sound crazy. Like, you start to feel crazy and sound crazy- Yeah

and do crazy things that you would never do in a normal existence. And so you become... Like, they set it up, and you execute. And so they can be like, "See? See, I told you."

Ally Brettnacher: She's crazy.

Whitney Bevins: Yep. Uh, and that is another term called- Ah ... um, reactionary abuse. Reactionary abuse, again, is a actual term, um, where they will push and push and push and push until you respond.

Mm-hmm. And then they will use that reaction against you to say, "She-- Look, sh- look what she did to me. She did this," as, as, you know. But they forget to sh- share the other side of the story. Um, but ultimately, again, I knew it was that point. Like, I knew I was not in a good space. Um, I wanted... I think there were times when I wanted to die.

Um, I wanted him sometimes to hit me so people could see, you know? I wanted... I, uh, it sounds crazy, but-

Ally Brettnacher: No, it doesn't, actually ...

Whitney Bevins: it, like- Which is the sad part ... it would... Like, sometimes I wanted it, because I had nothing else, and I knew that. And in July, I would go to his work, and he had a new employee, and he introduced me to this new employee, and I had gotten to the point where I couldn't pretend.

I couldn't put on a happy face, you know? I was... I, my flo- I, I was dying. I was literally- Yeah ... like, as a flower, right? Right. You're like- Like, he had given so little, I couldn't, I couldn't even pretend to be Pretty, or, uh, you know-

Ally Brettnacher: Happy ...

Whitney Bevins: whatever

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah, normal.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. Um, I couldn't. Like, and I remember he introduced me to his employee, who's very kind, like a very nice person, and of course, "Oh, he's amazing.

He's amazing. He's the best boss. You know, he's amazing. He's amazing." And, and I got to the point I couldn't, I couldn't, like, agree anymore. I mean, this person literally had threatened to kill me, threatened physical violence repeatedly, um, and then w- wanted me to kill myself. And I th- I, I, I joked. I knew what I was doing, you know?

I knew I was being snarky, you know? I made a comment like, "Ha, you know, not all the time," you know? Or like, "Uh, you know, he, sometimes, you know, not all..." You know, I don't remember exactly what I said. Right. But you know, I w- I was being snarky. Not

Ally Brettnacher: all sunshine and rainbows,

Whitney Bevins: you know? Like- Yeah, you know, I was like, "Ha, you know, ha ha," like, you know-

Ally Brettnacher: Well, you should see how he's like at home

Whitney Bevins: I think exactly is kind of what I- Yeah ... I think-

Ally Brettnacher: Alluded

Whitney Bevins: to ... almost said that. Yeah. And, um, and I knew I knew

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah

Whitney Bevins: I knew I was in trouble. And his, uh, son was with us at the time in the house, and, um, luckily, I, I think him living in the house for as long as he did saved me in a lot of ways. But I knew once the son went to bed, I knew.

He threatened to kill me because I had not made him ego. Right. Um, I had not made him look good in front of his employee. Yeah. And I w- was able to record that, and I knew at that point I had something. And that next day, I took it to Carmel Police, and that was the first time I would actually work with the police on this.

And I went... I didn't go to Prevail. Again, I wasn't ready. I think I felt like that, you know, there were steps I need to take. I felt like, you know, like goodbyes. Again, at that point, like that was my- Yeah ... it was my life. Like, it was my, it was my home. It was my life. Like, I had my... I have my own home. I have my own home.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah, and I'm so glad you stopped at your

Whitney Bevins: house. Um, and I think when, again, like not to off tangent, but when people ask, "Why did you stay?" I, I think that is how powerful the trauma bond is, or it's almost like Stockholm syndrome.

Ally Brettnacher: Mm-hmm.

Whitney Bevins: I... Most people understand, okay, I get it. They're married. They have children together.

Uh, they have, you know, finances. Right. Like, you know, all these things, I, I get it. Like, and you're like, "Okay, that, I understand why s- he or she may stay," right? Like- Yeah ... I had my own home. I have my own finances. We weren't married. They were not my children. That is how powerful it is to break free from. Um, and another analogy I give people is if you...

There's an abused dog in a crate, and you open the crate door, and I guess for anybody that doesn't know animals, the response is the dog doesn't go. The dog does not leave the crate, and I didn't. Um, so I wasn't, I still wasn't ready. Like, I knew I finally had something. And so at that point, I started, um, uploading all the evidence I could possibly put together for a criminal case, uh, into Carmel Police system.

And I knew there weren't because there was not a lot of evidence of physical stuff. Um, I knew it was probably unlikely that the criminal case would go through. Now, I knew I absolutely had enough for a protective order, uh, 100%.

Ally Brettnacher: And tell people what that is.

Whitney Bevins: I think you mentioned it earlier, but- So yeah, so they're very, yes, they're very separate.

So the, uh, and this is a common question. The protective order is separate from a criminal case. Um, and I'll say if a criminal case had gone through, if they'd actually pressed charges against him, um, there would've been an automatic no-contact order. Like, that becomes automatic. But without the criminal case...

So protective order's separate, and again, Prevail was there to help. Um, I had a friend come in, and ultimately I would complete the process at Carmel Police. Um, simply, I went to Prevail a few weeks after the death threat, uh, 'cause at that point I was just, I think, being normal. I was uploading evidence.

Like, I didn't want anything to be, you know... Like, I felt like I needed some normalcy to be able to upload all this stuff, and so I stayed until I think, you know, I, um... Anyway The protective order is you have to... There's a, a process online. You can fill it out on your own. It's, um, form through the state, and you, again, you can do it on your own.

I was grateful I had help because any woman or man in distress, I can understand why it might not get granted, because it is a bit of a tedious process. You have to fill out, um, you have to document very specifically. You have to upload evidence, um, and incidences, and you need dates. And, you know, I think the wording helps.

Yeah. And I can only imagine a person trying to do that in, in a, in an immense amount of stress. Mm. There are four levels. Essentially, um, once you submit your stuff, um, to the form, a judge will review it. And the lowest level, essentially, a judge would see what you've put in, and the lowest level, again, it would be denied.

The judge would say, "Okay, there's just not enough here to grant one." The second level, at least in Indiana, and I can't speak for other states, in Indiana, the second level would be there is not one put in place, but there is a required hearing, and both parties would have to show up. And if it would be required that there be a hearing, we'd have to both present evidence for a protective order to get put into place.

There's not enough evidence, but a judge says maybe, okay, maybe there's something here. Um, and if either one of us would have not shown up, for example, then it would, the case would get thrown out. So that's level two. Level three is a judge sees a threat, grants a protective order, but requires a hearing and says, "Okay, I think there's a threat here.

I'm granting this, but it's temporary until we have the hearing." Okay? In which both parties, again, have to show up. You're not required to have a lawyer. The highest level in Indiana is called, um, it's, it's granted, it's, uh, called, um, ex parte, and I may be, um, saying that incorrectly. But a judge sees that there's enough of a threat to grant you one immediately, and there's no required hearing.

It is granted, for me, it was two years. So mine was granted at the highest level. Uh, the judge saw all the evidence I submitted in my protective order and granted one immediately without a hearing. For two years? For two years. Now, he is legally allowed to request a hearing in this case, and he did. So it's not required.

A judge granted me. I had protection, but ego, ego. He did not want that on the public, um, protective order registry, so he requested a hearing because of course he would. He has the money. Um- And so he did request the hearing, and ultimately we would settle. Um, h- he got what he wanted, which I'm not thrilled about.

Um- So

Ally Brettnacher: it's not public information anymore?

Whitney Bevins: It's not public. It's still granted. I still have protection, uh, for two years. Um, but it's not on the public registry, so. Now, because we didn't actually have a formal hearing and we agreed to the settlement, I still have protection. He's not on the public registry, which isn't public by the way in terms of you and I couldn't look it up.

But in terms of legal- Law

Ally Brettnacher: enforcement, yeah ... police,

Whitney Bevins: lawyers, um- Like if, if there was a background check, it would come up on that, something like that. Ah, okay. But it's not like a My Case Indiana, my case.

Ally Brettnacher: Right, where you can go

Whitney Bevins: see. Yes. And that w- that is partly why I pursued the criminal case, 'cause my hope is I really wanted his name out there- Right

for women to see. Um, so mine was granted. We did settle. He, again, it's, it's still in place, just not on that public registry. Ultimately, he would have to pay my legal fees, which was a win. Um, you know, um-

Ally Brettnacher: Right ...

Whitney Bevins: he's required to attend in-person mandatory anger management, which honestly I think is a bit of a joke.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: It's not an anger issue. It's, I mean, they're controlled. They know exactly what they're doing.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, and he has to write me a judge-ordered apology letter, which will be hilarious. I haven't received it yet. I only imagine it will be-

Ally Brettnacher: AI generated ...

Whitney Bevins: AI generated. Um, but he is required by the judge to legally...

Again, anybody who's abusing you for years, and they, they don't apologize for it. Like if he wanted to apologize, he would have. But, you know, so it's, it's a bit ridiculous. You know, I plan on publicly posting this so people know what a public-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: judge-ordered apology looks like- Looks like ... after years of abuse.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, again, I'm... I don't know. It'll be interesting. But that's, that's how, essentially how the protective order, uh, process works in Indiana.

Ally Brettnacher: Okay.

Whitney Bevins: And, um, you know, he's not allowed, if he were to contact me in any way, even kind of be a third party, um, or if he were to show up at my house, or again, um, I could call.

Um, now the way it works is if it was on the public registry and he violated, he would go automatically to jail. Mm. Part of this agreement that we did is essentially he gets a, there's an in-between step. If he were to violate it at this point, he would go back on the public registry. If he violate a second time, then he would go automatically to jail.

Okay. So it kind of gives him a little, like-

Ally Brettnacher: Little bit

Whitney Bevins: of a buffer ... one extra, yeah.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um- This

Ally Brettnacher: is so-

Whitney Bevins: Yes. So that was granted. Um, again, like he denied it. He denied that there's even one in place because he can. I mean, there's not out there. Like- Right ... like besides the legal document I have, um, I mean, he just tells people, you know, I'm crazy and delusional and like I'm making all of this up, you know.

Yeah. Um, which, you know, again, like I've been trying to post up publicly, as you know, um, as a way, I don't know, just, I, I don't know. I, I, I think because that's who I am as a person. I know not everybody wants to share their story, and I understand that too.

Ally Brettnacher: Mm.

Whitney Bevins: I get it. Um, but that's just not who I am. I, you know, I think I'm- Just I'm not quiet which partly gets me in trouble too.

Um, but I wanted it out there. I, I couldn't... If he was gonna get to walk away with no consequences, just like zero. There, nothing.

Ally Brettnacher: Still has his job.

Whitney Bevins: Yep, still has his job. You know, he's seen, again, he's created a scenario there where I'm, you know-

Ally Brettnacher: Oh, yeah, like-

Whitney Bevins: He's, he's the victim. Mm-hmm. So they often, yeah, they, they're the victim.

Yeah. They become the victim. Mm-hmm. Um, he's never done anything wrong. His own lawyer, when I, when we were meeting, it was just his lawyer, my lawyer, and I in a room, and they kept him separate from me for obvious reasons. His own lawyer apologized to me after seeing the evidence. Um, it's really hard to put into words because, again, they're, uh, they're so good.

I mean, there are people that refuse, even though I, I could literally show them everything, and they're just like, "No."

Ally Brettnacher: They'd be like, "That's not real." "

Whitney Bevins: Nope. Mm-mm. Nope. She's making it up." Like, "That can't be true."

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. "

Whitney Bevins: I met him." And again, I was not a perfect person in the relationship, like, by, by, by any means, you

Ally Brettnacher: know?

Well, when somebody's screaming at you, so- you gotta fight back at some point too. Yeah, you do. Like, how, what are you supposed to do?

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, you do. And-

Ally Brettnacher: It's hard ...

Whitney Bevins: um,

Ally Brettnacher: and you-

Whitney Bevins: I can't, I

Ally Brettnacher: can't imagine ...

Whitney Bevins: you become a person that you've never... Again, my, you know, ex-husband, like we, I, I don't know that we ever called each other, in 14 years, a name.

Yeah. Right? Like, that's not, we didn't have screaming matches- Yeah ... you know, like ever. And but you become this person that you've, don't recognize. You question everything you've done. Like, "Is it my fault?" Like, "If I, did I, did I provoke this?" You know, it, like, "Am I, like am I these things?" Like, you question, like, your reality.

Like, I, maybe I am. Like, maybe I am this, maybe I am this horrible. Like, I don't know. Like-

Ally Brettnacher: It makes me wanna scream

Whitney Bevins: at the

Ally Brettnacher: top- Um- ... of my lungs ...

Whitney Bevins: um, but I think where it comes back to running,

Marker

---

Ally Brettnacher: Quick break in my conversation with Whitney to talk to you about the organization Prevail. they were part of how Whitney got out of her abusive relationship. They are a nonprofit in Central Indiana, in Noblesville, that has been supporting survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault in Hamilton County since nineteen eighty-six.

They've served more than seventy thousand survivors and their loved one. Everything they offer is confidential, twenty-four/seven crisis line, advocates who go with you to the police, hospital, or court, help with protective orders, support groups for adults and kids, safety planning, and help getting back on your feet with housing and resources.

They also teach thousands of Hamilton County middle and high school students what a healthy relationship looks like. If you or someone you love needs help, their crisis line is three one seven seven seven six three four seven two. And if you wanna support their work, go to prevailinc.org to donate or find out how to get involved.

You can follow them on social. Share this episode with someone who f- might need it. and the National Domestic Violence Hotline is open twenty-four/seven. It's free and confidential. You can call one eight hundred seven nine nine seven two three three, which is one eight hundred seven nine nine safe.

Now back to my conversation with Whitney

Whitney Bevins: but I think where it comes back to running, and I wanted to give a shout-out. Um, when I first got out, cause ultimately I would get out. I am, I knew there was a, there was a, a day.

I, a couple weeks after the, when I went to the Carmel police, um, I, I, I thought he was probably having an affair. A- again, which is ironic, you know?

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, you know, and I'm, uh, grateful for that lesson. If there is karma, I, I don't des- I didn't deserve to be abused, but you know, there was some karma there, and I'm grateful for that lesson.

Um, I thought he was having an affair, um, and I called him on it, and I knew I had made him angry. And I knew the morning he had to take his son to work And I knew if I was in the house when he got back, it wouldn't be good. Yeah. I knew. And that's the day. I didn't plan that day. I, I had been solely, like, getting stuff out of the house and, um, I knew that was it.

I knew I had made him angry by asking about this other woman. And so I did. He was gone, and I got my dogs out. And, um, I blocked him, you

Ally Brettnacher: know. Did you go, did you go to your house?

Whitney Bevins: I went to Prevail. Prevail. Like, actually, that's not true. I stopped and, um, I said goodbye to his son. Um, then I went to Prevail, and it was just, it was just, it was so stressful.

I, I, I wasn't... It wasn't that I wasn't ready to do the protective order. It was just, it was not, like, the time and space. I couldn't formulate thought. I couldn't be articulate in the way that that- Mm-hmm ... process needs. And they were great. Like, the lady helping was very kind and patient. I just, I knew I wasn't in a space that morning, uh, when I left.

And so the next day, I went back to Carmel Police and had a friend accompany me, and I'd been working with a social worker there. Um, and she, they helped me fill it out, and it was granted. Um, so it'd been a Tuesday. He was served, um, that Thursday. There's been no contact since. I had to see him in court briefly, and then I saw him at the restaurant a couple weeks ago, but there's been no contact.

And it's difficult. You literally, when you walk out, and this is why people don't leave, you, you leave your life behind in a second.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah, well, it's crazy to think about. Like, you mentioned the kids. I mean, we're not gonna go in detail- Yeah ... about the kids, but the relationship's there and- Mm-hmm ... and I'm glad you were able to stop and say goodbye.

I mean, it's just like- Hard to imagine the pain

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, you leave ev- everything in that instant- I mean- ... is gone. I mean, again, because they're not my, you know, kids, like that, those relationships are gone, like in a second.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah, right.

Whitney Bevins: Um, again, a home. It, it's not my house, but you know, it was my h- home.

Ally Brettnacher: Right.

Whitney Bevins: I left.

And every day, every day, honestly, I mean, it's been 12 weeks, I think every day I find something that I'd left there.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah, yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Like, I'm like, "

Ally Brettnacher: Oh, shit." You're like, "Oh, that's where that is."

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. No, truly, like I'm-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: where is that thi- oh.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: You know, I got my dogs, and I think the things that I knew were, you know, I needed to happily have, but, um, you know, nothing of significant importance.

I left all my Christmas decorations. Like, it's crazy. Like, there's so many things, like I'm like, "Oh," like... So anyway, there's stuff like that. Um, but you leave everything in that instant, and I get, like, I was fortunate to have a place to go. Yeah. You know, I was scared. I stayed with friends in Indianapolis.

Um, I'm very grateful, very, very grateful. Uh, Daniel is a good friend of mine for years and years. Um, he helped, let me say, in his place and, and helped my dogs, and I'm so grateful for him. Um, he was there every step. And, uh, so I stayed with him for a couple weeks because I was terrified to s- be at my home.

Yeah. Um, but you leave, the second you're done, you leave everything behind. Like, and now again, I w- I get why people go back. And I, I think I put the protective order in place as much for myself as- Mm ... you know? Because I knew, again, I have a bit of, like I have an addictive personality or, or whatever. Like, you know, like that was, I knew that was my life and, and there's parts of it that I wanted to go back to.

Yeah. Like, there's no denying that. Like, I, there are parts of that life I'll miss. And so the protective order is much for me as it was, it kept me from going back. Yeah. Um, 'cause I tried to leave so many times and couldn't. Um, and yeah, it's been 12 weeks. This is, um, yeah, it's wild to think about.

Ally Brettnacher: Well, I've, I'm so grateful that you reached out to me- Mm-hmm

and then we got to con- reconnect. And, like, it just sucks, from somebody who adores you- Mm-hmm ... it, it sucks to know what you've been through-

Whitney Bevins: Mm-hmm ...

Ally Brettnacher: for the last few years without me really understanding or- Mm ... knowing what you were going through and feeling like, man, like, how, how could I have been a better friend?

Yeah, and I- And things like that. I mean, but, but I, I, I- Yeah ... I know. But I'm just grateful that, um- That we get to spend time together again. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I, I just, I love, I mean, when we got... Oh my God, we had a blast working at Fleet Feet together.

Whitney Bevins: We did. We did. That was a-

Ally Brettnacher: And- That was

Whitney Bevins: a fun time ...

Ally Brettnacher: so much fun.

Whitney Bevins: That was a great-

Ally Brettnacher: I

Whitney Bevins: loved it. It was. Um- Loved it ... and I wanted to, again, I think it's important to highlight, again, like, I, I wanted to, I do wanna bring running into this, and there's, like, two more things I wanted to touch on and as it relates to running- Yeah ... for the purpose of this. Please. And, um, so in 2025, um, and, you know, there's two people, um, in the running community 'cause, you know, Brad Peterson is a coach who has his own running organ- group.

Um, you know, and he, you know, he knew running was important for me, and he offered me, uh, to help coach. He knew I, that would be good for me- Yeah ... after I lost the coaching job at Westfield. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Um, and then I'm grateful for, um, Aaron King, who's the commissioner of Green Wave with WYSI, um, Westwood.

He reached out to me in 2025 and, you know, he knew a little bit about my background and all this stuff, not anything about my abuser, but he was like, "You know, hey, like You're just sitting here when you have all these resources and skills- Yeah ... and as a dietician and a runner, like, we could use your help.

And, and, um, he reached out. He got, you know, was, got connected through somebody who had my number, and he ran at Pike. He was very good. He actually, and I m- may get this wrong, in '98 he was, um, he ran at Foot Locker Nationals. Oh, wow. Okay. And so he's a very, yeah, accomplished runner in his own right, and has his kids run for Green Wave.

And- Okay ... so he reached out to me and wanted me to help. I can't say I wasn't allowed, but I wasn't allowed. The only reason I would be coaching youth sports is because I, he would call me, um, a pedophile. The, I have no children. I have no business coaching children. Um, and the only other reason I would be coaching would be to, um, have sex with the other male coaches.

And so I had an opportunity to get back into coaching and, you know, something that I love and would be good for me. Yeah. And I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. Uh, couldn't. I, again- Yeah ... it's hard to say couldn't because technically you'd be like, I didn't, you know, he was a lot, you know. Yeah, of course. It's so hard to, it's so...

Anyway, this way it's spun, but I didn't, so I didn't get it back into... And I'm grateful for Aaron reaching out and, and when I got out, um, I reached out to him and he w- wanted my help. And so I've been... It's been good for me to, like, get out of house. Yeah. And so I help a couple days a week with the Green Wave program, which is the, again, We- Westfield's youth, um, running program.

And I'm thankful for him, you know, for asking and, um, you know, and again, I know I have a few other opportunities in, in coaching and I knew, I think it was maybe week two when I got out, I knew I would need running. I knew I would need running, and I don't know where my body was at the time. I was, and I'm gonna, like, you know me, I'm pretty honest, I'm an open book, but literally I was Um, and I'm, you know, probably, you know, I was drunk on my porch, if I could say that- Yeah

on your podcast. Um, I was drunk on my porch- Oh ... at night, um, flipping through Instagram, and I saw an ad for Badlands Running. And it w- um, a- and his, um, his name's Lu- um, Jelen, and he's a coach up in, um, gosh, in the Dakotas, and they have a group called Badlands Running, and they coach collegiately, but they also have a side group.

And, uh, just on a whim, I responded. It was like, "Were you an old com..." I think his ad was like, "Are you an old competitive runner that wants to get back into running?" Yeah. And I knew I would need running, so I reached out to him immediately, like, like, I don't know what time.

Ally Brettnacher: That's so funny.

Whitney Bevins: And I was like, "Yes.

Yes." And he got back to me, like, the next day, and, um, we set up the Zoom call and everything, and it's, like, a six-month program. And I have so many, uh, people that are willing to coach me here. But it was just, I don't know, like, I'm, uh, as you probably also know, I'm an impulsive person.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Uh, it gets me into trouble sometimes.

But in this case, I was like, "Yes, I need running. I know I need running. I know I'm not gonna get out of the house on my own yet, and I need someone, that accountability." Yeah. And so I got connected, um, to his dad, Jarvis Jelen. Um, and again, shout out to Badlands Running, uh, for taking on such a case. Um, and they've been very patient with me.

Jarvis does write training, um- And I've been very clear, like I... Well, I did mess up my Achilles when I was helping at GreenWave, because I still think I'm not 45 years old. Um, and you know, he's been very patient. Like, he'll write workouts, and I just don't show up sometimes, and I, you know, have to like explain a little bit about where I'm at.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: And but it helped get me out the door. Like, and he's been, like started me just like two miles a day.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, I think that one day I was supposed to do like two miles and I ran like eight. Right. I know. With him. Like, I mean, he's like... I was like, "I'm sorry." Like I was like, "I promise I'm a coachable person."

Um. And anyway- Oh ... they've been great. Um, but yeah, yeah, Jarvis Jellin and Luke Jellin, um, and Badlands Running. That's cool. Like again, like they're in the Dakotas.

Ally Brettnacher: Does that c- does it, the six months, does it culminate somewhere?

Whitney Bevins: Um, I think it's just, you know, for me, I, I told them, I think I was honest. I was like, "I just need getting out the door right now."

And I mean, I think the goal- I

Ally Brettnacher: mean, do they have a race at the end of the six months-

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, no ... that you go to, or? I mean, I think probably for most people that's the goal. Right? Is to, to work up to something.

Ally Brettnacher: And you're just

Whitney Bevins: like, "

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah." And,

Whitney Bevins: um, yeah, so literally I signed up. That's so great. Like auto-enrolled.

Literally the next day I was like, "Okay, here's my money and I'm, let's do it. You know, here's this six-month running program." But I n- it, it was great. Um, it did, like would just, again, and we're he's being very patient, 'cause I t- I think I told him I needed the rest of October just my, I tweaked my Achilles.

Um, y- you know, so I, being dumb, 'cause I'll never learn. Um, so I was like, "I can't, I actually can't run. I'm not, just not running." Yeah. "I just actually can't anymore." Um, so they've been amazing in just, in helping me get out the door on the days when I need that accountability and help- Yeah ... doing it. Um, and so, you know, o- I don't, when does, even the six months ends, I'm not sure.

But um, but I'm grateful for them. You know, again, there's so many people I know in this community, but I just saw the ad one night and I was like, "Yes, I need that. I know I need running."

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: And I'm grateful again to, uh, Coach King. Um, you know, and he t- he's been patient too. He's like, "Just show up." It, 'cause there are, I'll, I'll be honest, like I- That's all I do.

I just, like, still leaving my house is a lot. And you know me. Yeah. I've traveled all over the world- Right ... and do crazy things, and I'm not afraid of most things, you know? Sitting into a spot where leaving my house is hard, that's crazy Um, but I still show up and it's been good for me 'cause then it gives me something a couple days a week, um, to do that, you know?

And

Ally Brettnacher: I- Dude, I brought the tennis- Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: I,

Ally Brettnacher: I realized I didn't, I hid them from you.

Whitney Bevins: That's okay.

Ally Brettnacher: I'm such an asshole.

Whitney Bevins: Here. Um, but yeah, running, you know, again, I, again, like bringing full circle- God ... I knew running-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: would help save me, um, again, and that's still the goal even though I tweaked my Achilles. Um, and I did tweak my knee climbing 'cause again, I forget- I'm, I'm 45.

I'm not, you know, even 30 anymore, uh, or whatever age. Um, but I was climbing with Brandon and tweaked my knee, so um, I'm on a hiatus from running again. But anyway, uh, climbing has been a really amazing outlet and I'm grateful to kind of have that. I've climbed before, but not, never serious and-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah, that's cool.

Whitney Bevins: It's really fun. If you have... I don't know if you've never done it, like, uh, it's the, um- Do

Ally Brettnacher: you remember Galleon's?

Whitney Bevins: Yes.

Ally Brettnacher: That's all, that's my climbing experience.

Whitney Bevins: I forgot they had a climbing wall there.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: I, I don't know if I ever did it.

Ally Brettnacher: It was like a old, like for people who don't know, it was like a- Yeah

athletic sporting goods, but it was called Galleon's. Yes, yeah. And they had a huge climbing wall in the back of the store.

Whitney Bevins: Uh, yes.

Ally Brettnacher: And I always loved going when we- Yeah, I don't- Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: That's great. The, I remember it, but I don't, that's-

Ally Brettnacher: Right ... I don't know. Isn't that weird?

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, I love the... Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Um-

Ally Brettnacher: So yeah, that's my, that's my experience-

Whitney Bevins: Okay

so. It's fun. Uh, I've, I've enjoyed it. Um, and I did buy a bike. Um, I bought a bike, uh, you know, again, like with the hope that, you know, I would do, be able to do more of that, um, as I'm coming to terms with my body and what it can do- Yeah ... in the running-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: sphere. Um, and but I knew, yeah, I knew I would need running again, and I knew I couldn't hesitate, and I, I knew if I didn't kind of like pull the trigger on that Badlands running-

Ally Brettnacher: Right, that you would just maybe put it off or-

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, and so I, in that moment, and I, they've been great.

They've been so patient with me. Good. I'm sure frustrated, but they've been just very kind and supportive where I'm at with running right now and what I need, uh, in terms of coaching.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. Well, maybe they'll hear this and be like- Yeah ... "Oh."

Whitney Bevins: I did ask permission.

Ally Brettnacher: Okay.

Whitney Bevins: Uh, be- Yeah ... before I came on the podcast to, um-

Ally Brettnacher: To mention them, yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, they're, yeah. Thank you.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, so they're, yeah, they've been great, you know. And I'll reevaluate in six months. Um- But it's what I needed at the time- Yeah ... it really is. Yeah. I don't, I couldn't actually tell you what I needed, but I knew I needed running and, and like I said, Coach King just was like, "Just, just keep showing up," you know, and it is good for me.

You know, it's good for me to be in that space, um, again. And there was a, a girl, she's middle schooler and, um, uh, she's homeschooled, um, and so she was the only one representing from Greenway that the, um- Christian homeschool state meet

Ally Brettnacher: Oh.

Whitney Bevins: I know, it's a lot to say.

Ally Brettnacher: Didn't know that existed. Cool.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, I didn't either.

Um, yeah, and a lot of kids are, she was really, it was really neat. And w- I had to, I had to relearn that moment how to coach. I, she, you know, her mom was like, "Where are the bibs?" I'm like, "That's a really good question." Um, you know- Yeah ... with the course, like walking the course with her, showing the course- Yeah, yeah

or whatever, even just like timing of like how does he, like when to use the restroom, like- Right ... when to go to the starting lines. Yeah. I had forgotten all that stuff and, and I loved it. I loved it. Like, I'm a lunatic when I'm coaching in terms of just, it's like I become a different person, and it was so fun to get to be there for her.

Mm. Um, she did great. She was third in the middle school race in 3K. That's awesome. Um, and so it's really fun, and I'm grateful, uh, again for Coach King to kind of like keep, keep just getting me out the door. Yeah. Um, and again, Coach Peterson has asked me to, you know, to help with his group and, um, you know, people that know me know I need running.

And you, you got me on that Friday morning group, which I haven't been to 'cause of my Achilles, but the day I went, I just was so grateful for you for inviting me. Um, and what an amazing group of women you have. Like, the support in that chat is just unbelievable, and I'm blown away by that, and so I owe you for that, too.

Like, thank you. Um, and thank you for being willing to do this because- Yeah ... I don't think we got there yet, but the criminal case, I just found out a couple days ago, um, will not go through. And that is devastating in so many ways- Yeah ... because that was the only, I think, as an actual consequence for him, that was kind of all I had.

And They told me there wasn't enough evidence. And I don't even know, like, what more evidence I could possibly-

Ally Brettnacher: Your dead body?

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. Would that be good enough? I mean, I submitted holes, pictures of holes in the wall, um, multiple. I remember once I was trying to get away from him, and I locked the door, and he kicked it in.

The hole is still there. Um, he threw a glass vase. He tore apart a-- I mean, there was a picture of he and I, and he shredded it. Uh, he threw a glass vase. I used to keep champagne corks in that I always, like, wrote dates on of special occasions, you know. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And I kept them in this glass thing, and he shattered it, threw it, and there's a giant hole in the wall.

Um, I submitted the death threat recording. Um, I submitted pictures of me with bruises. Um, I submitted the urgent care report of the concussion. I submitted him admitting to the concussion. Um, I submitted all the times he wanted me to kill myself, um, or told me to kill myself. I submitted him wishing me dead.

And in the text message it said, "I wish you were dead. Um, it's the easiest thing for you to go away, and I will take care of all of your things. I'll get rid of your dogs just so you're not here."

Ally Brettnacher: Was there something you said you wanted to play? I think you mentioned earlier.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, there is. I wanna make sure before we- Yeah, um, so this is something I would submit as evidence, and I'm gonna play it now because it, um- Um, it wouldn't be enough.

You know, even this wasn't enough. Um, it was September of '24. Um, so in this video, um, it's crazy, uh, 'cause it comes back to running. It does. Um, I was asked to speak, uh, at a, um, high school... for a high school team up, um, really good friend of mine, um, Coach Ashel. He's, you know, really a good friend and coach at Winnemac High School, and you know, I wasn't...

After losing a coaching job, I, you know, I didn't really know what to do and, um, he'd asked me to come up and give a nutrition talk. Okay. I had told him, you know, about it and everything, and even invited him- Yeah ... 'cause I knew if there was a situation, you know, there's another male coach. Like, I invited him to come with me, you know?

Yeah. I knew I had to do, be calculated in that way and- Mm-hmm ... like, you know, I wanted him to come too. Like, it wasn't even just that. I was like, I would have enjoyed him being there, and he was like, "Yeah, that's fine," and, um, something had come up with his daughter and I call it a smokescreen. It's my term, not anything.

I call it a smokescreen. So anytime there needed to be control, um, he would create almost, like, just a huge scene, and ultimately I wouldn't go. Um, I wouldn't go up to give that nutrition talk. I had to let him know. I let him down. I let his team down because I was scared. Like, if I went up there, I was scared.

And in this video, again, there had been a conversation. Um, he worked remotely at this time, and I was working on my computer, and I don't even remember. It was a conversation about me going up there and then, but it escalates. He, again- Yeah ... I call it a smokescreen. Um, they do that as a way of control. And he had gone out to the garage and got a hammer, and in this video, I mean, you ca- y- you can't see, but he has a hammer.

And in the segment I didn't... Again, w- you're in these situations, like, I, I learned to be calm enough so I could get some of these recordings. Like, I, early on, I, I didn't know how to or even-

Ally Brettnacher: Right.

Whitney Bevins: So I was able to get a, a little bit of it. Um, so this is a video of him with a hammer and coming at me with a hammer, and this is part of all the other evidence I submitted, and again, not enough.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Not enough. Um- So crazy ... which is wild. Um, but I'll play it for you. Okay. Shut the fuck up. Let me do my job. Go. Yeah, there, record your fucking thing. Shut the fuck up. Oh, it's awful. Yeah. Um, you know, so like That wouldn't, you know, like that alone, I mean, I had literally, I, 20 or 30 things. Um, I have a text where he threatened to go to jail.

He would hurt me bad enough to go to jail if I didn't do what he asked. Um- Just so awful. I, I- I have a voicemail of him threatening to come to my job. Oh, yeah, yeah. Um, "If you don't stop texting me-

Ally Brettnacher: Mm ...

Whitney Bevins: I will come to your work, and I will break you in front of your coworkers."

Ally Brettnacher: I'm so glad I was able to at least do this, like give you a platform.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, and

Ally Brettnacher: I'm- Albeit that's not huge, but hopefully helps-

Whitney Bevins: No, and

Ally Brettnacher: that's- ... other people know they're not alone.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, I think that's, um, yeah, I, for any, for any person- Yeah ... in this space, and I was grateful and through, I'll, I'll say women because it's been women. Um, I've found multiple women who I had no idea, I've known for years, and once I started speaking out, um, not even just publicly o- on social media, but just over the last couple years- Yeah

like, you know, reaching out to friends and sharing some stuff, I, I had no idea. I've, I've found a community of women who have gone through so many similar things that I had no idea. Ugh. Honestly, I had no idea that they had been through something similar, and so, you know, I think there are so many women out there, and again, I respect, I respect for whatever reason they choose not to share their story, and whether it's a safety thing- Right

I get it. Um, or, or whatever, you know, I get it. Like just some people are more private. Um, y- my mom doesn't understand. Um, I, it's not who I am. I think I'm just, I've always kind of been an advocate in whatever space I'm in. Yeah. You know, whether it was, again, in the running community, I've been very vocal about anti-d- you know, like anti, like the drug doping.

Um- Right ... and I think I've just always been someone who is okay, even though in certain spaces I'm quiet and not, I am scared to use my voice in some things. Like, in other ways I'm not. Um, and this was, I knew, I always knew once I was out that I would share my story, and part of it's just, part of it is the frustration that he gets to put on this facade for everyone else

Ally Brettnacher: and- Well, and that there's gonna be another woman that's gonna go through this.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, there will be. There, there will

Ally Brettnacher: be. Like Patient Zero, the song. Remember I sent it to you? Yes.

Whitney Bevins: The Taylor

Ally Brettnacher: Swift

Whitney Bevins: song. And I, yeah, and I, I listened after, um, yeah, it was, it's, it's so on point.

Ally Brettnacher: I, I was like...

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. If there's no justice at all, right, and the, there, in terms of law, there isn't, right? Like I'm protected, and I get that.

Like that is huge. But for

Ally Brettnacher: two years, so like what the hell are you gonna do- Yeah ... at the end of two years?

Whitney Bevins: Uh, it, I mo- I could renew it. I could renew it- Okay ... if I want. That's a possibility. Um...

Ally Brettnacher: So without, with no question asked, you can? No, I think- Because obviously he's not allowed to talk to you- Right ... so there's not gonna be any more proof of-

Whitney Bevins: Right.

Um, and that I don't know legally. I, uh, that's something I have to look into. Yeah. I don't know if I have to, if I can renew it without, I don't know if he has to provoke it- Right ... or if I can. I'm not sure.

Ally Brettnacher: Um- Well, you should, I mean, you should freaking be able to. Can you? Yeah. I mean, it's like-

Whitney Bevins: Yeah, I don't know.

Anyway. Well, it's broken. Um, that's the scary thought is- After sharing all this in two years, you know, what happens? Maybe nothing. Maybe nothing, I don't know, you know? Yeah. Um, but there's a fear there, for sure. Um, but it's worth it to me. Um, again, I... For me personally, it's just like getting... I, I, in a cathartic way, like just getting rid of it.

But also, I want people to know about Prevail and Firefly. Yeah. I want to know that there's resources. Um, I want to know, like if... You know, I'm, I'm a person if anybody needed to reach out- Right ... like to talk to. Um, and again, or, or even if just it makes somebody else like know that what they went through is not, you know, they, they're not alone in that either.

Um, you know, so there's a lot of reasons for me. Um, you know, and I've been fortunate, like with some of just my connections, again, like getting Prevail onto the Indy Now-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: segment. Oh, yeah. Like that was a huge win for me to do that, you know, 'cause again, I, people... I didn't know about Prevail until-

Ally Brettnacher: Right.

You were

Whitney Bevins: like

Ally Brettnacher: in the thick

Whitney Bevins: of it ... yeah, until I went to Carmel Police. Yeah. Like, and I think 'cause when you're in it, you're not necessarily... Like, you know, you get to a point where, you know, you're- You have to, you have to be

Ally Brettnacher: ready ...

Whitney Bevins: just, you don't... Yeah, and you're, but you're not always seeking like, "Oh, let me...

Like I need..." I don't know. I, I- Yeah ... I can't explain why I didn't seek out Prevail on my own. I don't, I don't know. Like I, I, looking back, I'm like, I don't know why I didn't. Right. But I'm grateful that Carmel Police sent me there. Um, now do I wish they would do more? No, I don't know, and it's Carmel Police.

Technically I think it's a state, and the prosecutor, um, has decided ultimately, uh, not to pursue the case for whatever reason, I don't know. I don't know if it has to do with Ham- I've been told Hamilton County is different than maybe Marion, right? If it had happened in Marion, maybe it would be a very different situation.

Um, so that's part of it. Stupid. Um, it could be that he's an educated white male with money, right? So, you know, I don't know So messed up. Um, but yeah, to your point, I, yeah, I think part of it, I've made everything public i- in case there's a woman out there, like maybe she learns my name. She can, you know, make the decision on her own.

Yeah. You know, the woman he was with in the restaurant, I, I, I'm sure he told her I was crazy. You know? I mean, I looked the part. I, you know... When, as soon as I saw him, I told him, like I told the restaurant, I was like, "He can't be here." Like, "He's not allowed to be here. He has a restraining order." Um- And so yeah, I'm sure.

I'm sure he could play that off. Like, "Oh, you see? See?" I hope, uh, that was my, you know, I hope maybe I planted a seed with her. I don't know who she is, you know? Yeah, right. I don't know where she lies in his world of supply, you know? Um, but I made myself public, and that way anybody can see it, you know? And that's the hope is, you know, he'll wear a, he'll wear a mask for a while.

That's... He's calculated enough to know for his kids, and 'cause they've been told about the protective order, um, they know it's in place. They know why it's in place, and you know, he'll do everything in his power to prove to people he's not that person. Right. And I, I assume any female that comes, you know, he will...

The mask will stay on longer this time.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: For, it'll be a very calculated amount of time before the mask comes off, 'cause, um, you know, a- again, his ex-wife did experience abuse. Um, it, you know, we're not close and, you know, but we did, I think we, we helped each other in a time and a space. Um, and she did admit there was abuse.

She, she was also very clear it was not nearly as bad. Yeah. You know, and probably at the time because the kids were younger and- Mm-hmm ... um, you know. Again, like he probably knew if he had done what he did to me, he would lose his kids, and- Right ... um, you know, and again, maybe me just being a more vocal person.

Like again- again, I don't think I deserved it. I don't, I don't like to say I provoked it. I think in some respects they don't like people standing up to them- Senior, yeah ... or challenging them in any way. Right, right. I mean, I wasn't allowed to have opinions, thoughts. Um, I knew better than to Like, I, yeah, my own opinion.

I mean, I stopped having them. Yeah. I stopped having thoughts, like, you know, generally, like- Mm-hmm ... became so calculated in everything I said and did on a daily basis. So calculated, like, to the point where i- I am still learning how to, like, make decisions for myself at this point. Like...

Ally Brettnacher: Right. I, I can't wait to see where you go.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah.

Ally Brettnacher: Now that you're free. I mean, you just,

Whitney Bevins: you...

Ally Brettnacher: I mean, we've talked about it. You're so incredibly talented.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. Thank you. Yeah.

Ally Brettnacher: You are so kind.

Whitney Bevins: I try to be.

Ally Brettnacher: You do not look like you're 45.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah.

Ally Brettnacher: You do not look haggard. Like, you're so cool. You're so funny. I appreciate it. Yeah, thank you. Like, I... There's just so many things I truly love about you, and I'm just really grateful that, you know, you're back, back in my life.

Yeah, me too. Thank you. And, um, that I get to cheer you on now. Mm-hmm. And that others will certainly be helped- Yeah ... in some way from this conversation.

Whitney Bevins: I hope. Uh, that's the only thing I can real- I mean, really hope. I mean, it is helpful for me, and thank you for, like, just on a, just a personal basis to kinda be able to share.

But I, I hope. That's really the goal, ultimately- Mm-hmm ... is if there's one person, even if it's not someone f- in his life, like, if there's a person that maybe sees it and is like, "Okay, I'm gonna call Prevail," like, I have- Right ... or, like, "Okay, I'm gonna share my story," you know? Mm-hmm. Or, um, again, uh, uh, someone who's been a huge support for me from early on, she even told me, she's like, "You gave me...

You helped me realize that my story can help someone else." You know? And she's like, before she had met me, she hadn't really done that. And- Yeah ... and she's like, "I see now that it's important that-" Yeah ... um, and so again, that's kinda part of it, too, is like, that's, that's it. And yeah, and sure, yeah, but I would love nothing more if, if someone he's with maybe sees my stuff and can decide on their own.

Right. You know?

Ally Brettnacher: Or at least it plants a seed.

Whitney Bevins: Yeah. I can only hope. Earlier. Yeah, earlier than... Yeah, than in... But I don't, you know, I g- it's not up to me. You know, at this point I, I'll, I'll share my story, and I'll keep sharing, and I have to move forward. Mm-hmm. I know that. Like, now that this criminal case is not an option, um, I've gotta kind of, you know, I have to start just, um, figuring out how I can heal and- Mm-hmm

moving forward from him and, um, letting go of some of the stuff and, um, yeah. I mean, you know. Yeah, yeah. Um, that's just all, how it has to be. Yeah. And I, I see so much that- How people in the situation that there is so little justice. Right. Like, and I, I don't know. I, there's-

Ally Brettnacher: There's endless example. It just sucks.

Mm-hmm. There's, like, endless examples, I think,

Whitney Bevins: where you're just like- I hope there's reform. I, I've seen some legislation, not so much in Indiana, but other states where- Yeah ... there's consequences more for, um, this type of scenario, and it essentially kind of what I went through, where there's not the physical violence on a regular basis.

Right. You know, where there's consequences for this type of stuff, and that would be amazing.

Ally Brettnacher: Oof. Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, or even just... I've s- I saw one state, and I don't... I'd have to look back, that there's a, actually, like, a public registry.

Ally Brettnacher: Record. Oh, a registry. Registry.

Whitney Bevins: Almost

Ally Brettnacher: like sex offenders, but for

Whitney Bevins: abusers. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Where again, it, and it wouldn't have to necessarily be, um, like, violent physical crime. It would be, but there would be actually a registry where women- Could ... I'm saying women. Yeah. People could look up to see if someone's on there. Right. And, like, um, you know. God. And at least at that point, you, you get to make your own decision, right?

Right. Like-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um.

Ally Brettnacher: Oof.

Whitney Bevins: And I don't know. I don't know- If he'll change? I, it, I don't know if... I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. With a personality disorder, again, no formal diagnosis, this is my own education and research. My understanding is with a personality disorder, it's often, um, 'cause often they'll go to therapists and become the victim.

Right. Right? Um, they're often pathological liars. Um, they do create a reality in which they live in that isn't real, but they do create that space where they start to believe their own reality. Um, and so the personality disorder is very difficult unless somebody's, um, self-aware enough- Mm ... to acknowledge that and put the work in.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: There's usually not, like, medication that-

Ally Brettnacher: Right ...

Whitney Bevins: fixes the personality disorder. It's, um, so yeah, I don't know. I don't know if he'll deep... I don't know what he thinks. I don't know if he's... Generally, there's no empathy.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: I don't think he feels bad at all. I think in some respects he doesn't a- he truly believes he's done nothing wrong, um, and that everything he did to me was justified, um, in some way, whether he really truly believes I deserved it or I made him angry or- Mm

um, he truly believes, I think, in his world that, um, it was okay. Yeah. Because that's w- honestly the world he... I mean, he probably literally thinks he's done nothing wrong. Um, but that's part of the personality disorder. Yeah. Um, y- you can't make s- I mean, you just can't pretend to make sense of it because there is no making sense of it.

Right. Um, and I think that that als- also why people stay, right? You try to make sense of this thing- Mm-hmm ... that is impossible. Yeah. Is completely impossible to do that. Um, uh, no, but I'm so grateful for you that, like, your 9:00 AM Friday group is, is truly amazing. Like, and I can't, like, I want nothing more than to be healthy enough just, like, just so I can join.

Well, guys,

Ally Brettnacher: Jenny's come out on a bike before. You came out on your bike even.

Whitney Bevins: I did come one time, yeah.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, yeah, no, it's such a positive group of women, and just the support and upl- like, just they've been, even, like, not knowing me, like, they've reached out and been so kind, and I'm grateful for you for bringing me into that space- Yeah

and in a time when I needed it and I need it- Yeah, yeah ... still.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Um, you know, and I, I think I, my hope is so many people have been supportive of me, uh, and my goal is like, I just, I, I hope I can

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: give back in some way to everybody that's stepped up and, um, helped, you know? So that's the goal for me, too, is to hopefully I don't know.

I wanna show my gratitude and thanks for everyone who's been there along the journey and, and post, you know. Right. This is another huge step of it, again, 12 weeks out. Um, I look back, and again, my friend Daniel, who I stayed with initially during the protective order, um, he probably... Again, he was there, like, during the worst of it, could probably see the Right.

You know- Yeah ... some of the progress. And even, again, like, um, um, you know, my friend Brandon is, I think even just, like, in a little bit of time could probably tell you, like, um, like, has, you know, just seen me come out of my shell a little bit-

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah, yeah ...

Whitney Bevins: in just even that short amount of time. Um, and so I'm, you know, that's...

And I can see it, too. I can see it, you know? So every week is, like, a little better, um, a little better, and so that makes me feel good about where I'm headed.

Ally Brettnacher: Thank you.

Whitney Bevins: Thank you.

Ally Brettnacher: Thank you for sharing.

Whitney Bevins: I don't know if there are any, I don't know if there's anything on your mind. I

Ally Brettnacher: think now the only other thing that I would add- Mm-hmm

is that I'm gonna put the resources- Yeah ... that we talked about- Mm-hmm ... will be available in the show notes.

Whitney Bevins: Yep. Yeah.

Ally Brettnacher: Um, and of course, your Instagram will be linked and stuff- Mm-hmm ... so if people wanna reach out and-

Whitney Bevins: Yeah ...

Ally Brettnacher: DM you or-

Whitney Bevins: Please ... you know. Please, yeah, please do. Um, if you have any q- And I'm open to questions, too.

Like, I get it. People are curious. Um, you know, I, I, again, I'm not a public figure by any means, but I do understand in our community, like, you know, um, that, you know, I'm more well-known in some areas of the running community. And so I want people to ask questions. Yeah. If it helps someone, like, even if, uh, just to learn or educate.

Like, I'm, I'm an open book, people. Yeah. I will tell you everything. Here I am on this podcast. Um. I probably share, I overshare sometimes. Um, but, um, that's kinda just who I am, you know, and I'm okay with that. Um, sometimes it gets me in trouble. Like, I need to keep some stuff inside. Like, there's an issue of like, okay, Whitney, sometimes not everything that up here needs to come out of the mouth.

Yeah. Um, I could work, I could work on a filter sometimes. Um, but no yeah, Prevail, Firefly. Um, and again, I know there's the, um, downtown, the coalition of, um, and I'm gonna say this wrong. Yeah. Um, the coalition of,

Ally Brettnacher: um- Yeah. L- Yeah. We have, there's the Julian Center too.

Whitney Bevins: Julian Center. Um-

Ally Brettnacher: Um, and there's, like, hotlines.

I mean, there's- Yeah ... a lot of resources out there that I'll try to just compile there so that- Mm-hmm ... people who might need them or-

Whitney Bevins: Yeah ...

Ally Brettnacher: will have them.

Whitney Bevins: And I think something like, something just people just keep reaching out. Just keep asking if they're okay, and just keep, just tell them they're loved and that that's it.

Like, that's what, you know, I think that helps.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah.

Whitney Bevins: Just to know you're not alone.

Ally Brettnacher: Mm.

Whitney Bevins: Thank you. Holy cow. I can't wait.

Ally Brettnacher: Yeah. Thank you. I don't

Whitney Bevins: know why we talked this long.

Ally Brettnacher: It's a lot to... I mean, gosh. Yeah. And we could, we could keep talking for hours. No, I,

Whitney Bevins: it, yeah. It's, it's, it's- Yeah ... honestly, it's like three and- Yeah

Ally Brettnacher: almost

Whitney Bevins: four years' worth

Ally Brettnacher: of

Whitney Bevins: stuff. Yeah.

Ally Brettnacher: So. Yeah. I, well, I'm sorry you went through that. It is absolute- Thank you ... just madness thinking about. here for you. Mm-hmm. Cheering for you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for doing this. Thank you,

Whitney Bevins: Ally.

Ally Brettnacher: Absolutely. I love you.

Whitney Bevins: Love you.

Ally Brettnacher: All right, you made it to the finish line of this episode. here's to hoping Whitney's story can inspire someone else to get the help that they need or to speak out, because you're not alone. So thank you again to Whitney for coming forward and sharing this, and to Prevail and other organizations like Prevail that help women and men who find themselves in abusive relationships.

Like I said, my monumental race recap and all of that will be coming soon, but I wanted to do this episode the justice that it deserved. so stay tuned for that. thanks for listening

Ally Brettnacher

Episode 182: Whitney Bevins - Whitney Bevins Returns

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