Episode 17: Eileen Poore - Running Through Fire

Episodes

Jul 28

Listener note: This episode includes detailed discussion of sexual assault, a parent's addiction, and suicidal feelings.

Eileen Poore has run through Hurricane Katrina, bankruptcy, a parent's addiction and a sexual assault. Running has been the one place she felt like herself, all the way back to Boston.

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About this episode

Eileen Poore grew up in New Orleans, went to Michigan State on a full ride for hospitality business, and has lived in the Indianapolis area since 2004. She has run 25 marathons since 2006, qualified for Boston several times, and has always used running to burn off what life threw at her: a father's addiction, losing her family home in Hurricane Katrina, bankruptcy during the 2008 recession, and raising young kids on a tight budget. In 2019 she was raped by a rideshare driver, and this episode is the first time she has told that story publicly.

We start at the beginning, with her mom's polio, Brennan's restaurant in the French Quarter, and her first marathon in Columbus run on two stress fractures. Then Eileen walks me through the assault, the long criminal process, running Monumental with "I forgive you" cards, running 32.17 miles at an eight-hour endurance race days after reading her victim impact statement, and making it back to Boston in 2022. She is also the reason my tagline is "every runner has a story."

In this episode, we discuss

Why episode 17 and the number 17 mean so much to Eileen
Her Women Run Wherever the F They Want shirt and explaining it to her kids
Growing up in New Orleans and working at Brennan's in the French Quarter from age 15
Her mom contracting polio as a baby and raising three kids on crutches
Growing up with a father's addiction and using running to escape
Moving to Indianapolis and training for her first mini with a group
Hurricane Katrina, losing the family home, and her parents being airlifted out with the Ursuline nuns
Her first marathon in Columbus in 2006 with two metatarsal stress fractures
Bankruptcy, two mortgages, and running at the JCC at 6 a.m. with two little kids
Ragnar, qualifying for Boston in 2010, and running Boston in 2011
Her 2018 PR year and a first 50K in Brown County with one gel
Being raped by a rideshare driver in 2019 and the care she got from her forensic nurse and the Julian Center
Running Monumental in her hospital sweats and dropping "I forgive you" cards on the course
The long court process, her victim impact statement, and running 32.17 miles at an eight-hour race
Back to Boston in 2022, Hozier's Nina Cried Power, and what's next

Chapters

00:00 · Intro
04:00 · The shirt and the Carmel Library
07:00 · New Orleans to Michigan State to Indy
12:00 · Growing up at Brennan's
19:00 · Her mom's polio and her dad's addiction
24:00 · First mini and running as an escape
26:00 · Hurricane Katrina
29:00 · First marathon on a broken foot
35:00 · A hostage scare, the recession and bankruptcy
39:00 · Ragnar and qualifying for Boston
48:00 · PR year and a first 50K
53:00 · July 2019
1:04:00 · Running Monumental with "I forgive you" cards
1:09:00 · The criminal process and the victim impact statement
1:18:00 · An eight-hour race and back to Boston
1:32:00 · Nina Cried Power and what's next

Where to find Eileen

Instagram: @leenie353353

Mentioned in this episode

Races: Boston Marathon, Columbus Marathon, CNO Indianapolis Monumental Marathon, Indy Mini, Indianapolis Marathon and Half Marathon, Ragnar Relay, Crescent City Classic, Tecumseh Trail Half Marathon, Gnaw Bone 50K, Rocky Run
Organizations and charities: Julian Center, IU Health Methodist Hospital, Brennan's, Michigan State University, Ursuline Academy, White Lodging, Fleming's, Nordstrom, JCC Indianapolis, Carmel Clay Public Library
Other: Mile Markers by Kristin Armstrong, Nina Cried Power by Hozier, The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, Glennon Doyle's interview with Shalane Flanagan

Previous guests mentioned

Alex Baker (Episode 6)

Related episodes

Frequently asked

Who is Eileen Poore?

Eileen Poore is a New Orleans native living in Westfield, Indiana who has run 25 marathons since 2006, including the Boston Marathon, and shared her story of survival on episode 17 of Finish Lines & Milestones.

How did running help Eileen Poore after her sexual assault?

After being raped by a rideshare driver in 2019, Eileen Poore kept running, finished the Monumental Marathon that fall while dropping "I forgive you" cards on the course, and later returned to the Boston Marathon in 2022.

Where did the Finish Lines & Milestones tagline come from?

Ally Brettnacher says the tagline "every runner has a story" came from an Instagram message Eileen Poore sent her about the podcast.

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Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically, so it may contain errors.

Welcome to Finish Lines and Milestones with Ally Brettnacher incredible stories and tales of triumphs with everyday people achieving their goals in fitness. This podcast brought to you by Athlete Bouquets. Celebrate finish lines and milestones of the people that you love by visiting athlete bouquets.com.

Hello and welcome to episode 17 of Finish Lines and Milestones. This is Ally Brettnacher and I'm coming to you on a Friday night after a margarita at Mexican restaurant. So fair warning, but I am really honored to bring you this episode. This is with a new friend of mine, Eileen. Poor Eileen and I have been friends virtually for quite a while.

Messaging back and forth on Instagram, but she's local to where I live, so she is in Westfield, Indiana. I'm in Carmel. Those are two neighboring cities, and so I've been really looking forward to meeting her. We've had this on the books for a while because Eileen will tell you in this episode why it's so special to be episode 17.

That number means a lot to her, and when this is coming out, it will be four years to the day that she was released from the hospital after being raped by her Uber. There's really not an easy way to say that, but you should know that. We do talk about that in this episode, and Eileen went through so much more leading up to that.

So this episode covers her upbringing and childhood. Up until today and talks about how running has been such an important outlet for her throughout her entire life. And as I sit recording this in my closet, I also am holding onto a book that Eileen gave me this morning. We exchanged, we exchanged this book in the lobby of Riverview Hospital where I was getting an allergy shot and she was on her way to carpool with a friend to Chicago for work.

And she said, I have gotta give you this book. So Mile Markers is the name. It's by Kristen Armstrong. And this book is like, there are underlines, highlights, hearts, like it looks like it's a hundred years old. And I'm just so thankful that Eileen let me borrow it and I'm really excited to read it when I head to Michigan for this week.

So. I want you to know this episode's really special because I'm just, I'm honored that Eileen chose me to be the first to really hear her story, and I just also feel gosh, so well angry, empowered. Inspired by what has happened to her throughout her whole life, and not just the events from 2019 that you'll hear her talk about, but Eileen is incredible and I really hope that you enjoy this conversation.

Okay. Okay. We're here. It's recording. Oh, yay. Okay. Oh, hi Eileen. Hi. Welcome. Thank you. I'm so excited for this. I'm pretty excited as well. Super nervous. I'm cursing the plant-based deodorant. I have 'em right now. It doesn't seem to be, it's okay. Is it? I had so many onions on my salad for lunch too. I forgot to say that.

No, you're totally good. I was frantically chewing these cinnamon mints on my way here. 'cause I'm like, we're gonna be pretty close together and I really don't want Eileen to be like, wow, your breath smells real bad. So I have a restaurant background, so. Oh, so you're immune to that? Yeah, totally. I just love onions so much.

I do. I love the smell of onions. It's fine. So great. Two peas in a pod here. And we were talking before we recorded about the shirt that you're wearing. Yes. So, and I asked if you ever wore it in front of your children. Yes. Well, I got their permission, so I'm wearing the women running wherever the fuck they want.

I was driving in the car with the kids. We were actually driving down to Florida a couple weeks ago, and, um, I was like, Hey, I had shown the picture to my husband and he was like, yes, you absolutely need to buy that shirt. And I said, Hey kids, would you be embarrassed if I bought a shirt with the F word on it?

And they were like, what? No, mom. And. He was like, well, it wouldn't just be the F word. He was like, honey, can you just like explain what it is? So I was like, well, I was like, it's based on, you know, there have been some women that have been attacked while running and um, when women are typically attacked, they are ashamed in every sort of way.

Like whatever time or what they were wearing and this and that. And this is basically saying that no women should be able to run wherever the fuck they want, wear whatever they want. And they were like, oh mom, yeah, you gotta get that shirt. So now if they were to turn around and be like, Hey mom, I found this shirt that has the F word on it, I'd be like, uh, and that's probably coming probably from my middle child.

I can totally see that happening. But, um, yeah, so, uh, once I got it in the mail, like my little girl, she's just like a little spitfire. She's like, yeah mom, it's my new favorite shirt. And I was like, okay. I do really love it, especially I haven't seen it in person before. Yeah. 'cause I just love Sarah's stuff.

I do too. I think it's so much. It's great. So, yeah. Yeah. And how old are your kids? So Patrick is 16. He is, uh, going into his junior year at Westfield High School and Hamrock and, um, Lukey is 13 and Cece is nine, and they both go to SMG. Oh, great. Yeah, I. Can't remember if I, if we've exchanged messages about this or not, but I was from the first graduating class at, we Have Not, but I heard that on your first podcast.

Say that and I was like, yay. Did. Yay. SMG sg. Good old Catholic School. Oh yeah. Yep. Yeah. I had I think 18 kids in my eighth grade class. Yeah. It was interesting. Yeah. To say the least. Yeah. And then went to Westfield, so yeah. Yeah, here we are. Some Westfield locals. Yeah. Um, and we were commenting too about how nice the Caramel Library is.

Oh my gosh. It's amazing. I'm, I'm used to hanging out in the Westfield Library, which I is like really old school, you know, they have like the newspapers stacked at the front door and you just, yeah. It's just really small and quaint and everybody, there's some women that get together to play dominoes in there and it's, that's adorable.

So cute. And sometimes I really wanna like, jump in because, can you like, can I play, um, we get into that later, but I just have, I've always volunteered at an assisted living residence, so I just, I used to go play cards and yeah, I think it's really cool. It's just that, that generation and, um, just a, a knowledge there that, you know, is just.

Rare. Yeah, more traditional, right? Yeah. There's women here that play Mahjong and I've actually never seen that in person. I have no idea. Do you know what I, you do know what Mahjong is? I do. Is it, it's, um, 'cause I, my first, uh, term paper I ever wrote was on the Joy Luck Club. Um, are you familiar with No.

That book by Amy Tan Uhuh. Um, but yeah, they, they play Mahjong. Okay. Yeah. Well, it's like, so the tiles and so many tiles. Yeah. It seems like in person would be just a lot. Anyway. Yeah. We, enough about Mahjong. Okay. We have a lot to talk about today. Yes. So let's just start at the beginning. Okay. Yeah. My name is Eileen Poor Eileen Kincaid, and I was born and raised in New Orleans.

And I went to Michigan State for college. I moved to Indy in 2004 when I graduated, and I have been here since. I had never planned on staying in the Midwest. I cannot stand the cold, like coldness is is anger to me. It is really, I just have never gotten used to it. My freshman year of college was definitely culture shock in many ways, but come October, parents bought me season tickets to football games and I remember the first football game and everybody's like so jazzed and I'm like, oh my God, it's so cold.

And it was only like 50. So yeah, they were like, you have no idea Eileen. You're in for treats, so, yeah. And what, wait, what brought you to Indiana then? From Michigan? So I went to Michigan State for hospitality business. Okay. I worked in a pretty famous restaurant in New Orleans. Uh, I started there when I was 15, and I really wanted to go to Cornell.

I ended up getting waitlisted, but then I, I got a full ride to Michigan State, so my parents were basically like, wow. Yeah, yeah. That's where you're going. That's, you're going, going. Yep. I had never been to Michigan. I had never seen the campus. The owners of the restaurant told me if you got into state, like it's the oldest hospitality program and at rivals Cornell.

So just go. So I did. So I show up. Never having visited the campus, never been to Michigan. Wow. I couldn't even, yeah, it was, uh, we drove up, my birthday is August 17th and we drove up, my mom and I, and it was like a hundred degrees when we left New Orleans. And I remember we got there at night, we checked into the hotel and the next morning I woke up.

I had to drive to sort of the abridge version of orientation. It was mainly for international students that like moved there and started like, moved in early and starting school in a couple weeks. So, um, it was a lot of outta state kids. And, and I remember waking up to walk to the lecture hall and it was like 60 and I was freezing.

I mean, I was, I didn't have a sweatshirt. I, I was like, mom, I just don't know. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do this. Just like. Go buy yourself a sweatshirt. Yeah. And go get your butt to suck it. Suck and suck it up. And uh, yeah. So when I graduated from State, I had a couple of job offers and there was a small hotel management company out of Merriville White Lodging services, and they primarily managed Marriott brands.

Mm-hmm. So the GM of the Marriott downtown had come to, uh, state. I was the executive director of La Gourmet, which is a seven Chorus, black tie gourmet dinner. That was a fundraiser, but it was also a way for. Students to showcase their talent at school. Student run freshman and sophomore, serve it work back of the house, front of the house.

And then, uh, juniors and seniors mainly. We were on a board that they either did donations. I had a board of nine under me. So I had a front of the house director, back of the house director, director of donations, director of scholarship, some other things I can't remember. But basically it was a a year commitment and all these companies will buy a table and it's a way to recruit and fundraise.

Interesting. That's really cool. So he was here, he was at the dinner and he was just kind of hardcore about recruiting me and I. Ended up coming to Indiana. I wasn't planning on staying here. I was actually coming to train here and then go open up a hotel in Austin. So, but then I met my husband and, oh, there it is.

I was like, what? Well, who got you? Yeah. Who got you to stay? And that's it. So I've been here ever since. How did you guys meet? Locker B Pub Perfect. Kind of hole in the wall. It's closed now, but all of the service industry people hang out there after work. And a guy that was bartending for me at the Marriott downtown was best friends with Dave's roommate and we all just kind of met out one night and that was, that was kind of it.

That was it. Mm-hmm. We had talked when we had met at Lockerby, and it was mainly just about my, my past in the restaurant business in New Orleans. And I had a passion for wine. I was a wine runner. Yeah. And, and I knew, I knew that this was somebody that I connected with. So my first job was also at 15 in a restaurant, but I was a hostess, and that's where my restaurant experience ends.

Mm-hmm. As somebody who's been in the business a ton. But I wanna know, like, some of the insider stuff about the restaurant industry. Like what should people know? What are some of the insider? Well, I mean, a, I think I, it's such a, such a wonderful industry, uh, new Orleans is, is in and of itself, like just such a special place and food in New Orleans.

The culture in New Orleans is so centered around tourism and food and dining, and. Mardi Gras and Jet. Mm-hmm. I mean, there's so many subcultures. It's, it's such a beautiful city. The restaurant I worked in, Brennan's was in the heart of the French Quarter. I started there when I was 15 as a hostess. They also had the largest, one of the top 10 largest wine cellars for a restaurant in the country at the time.

And so the wine cellar was in a different part. A lot of the buildings in the quarter are set up, like there's front part a courtyard, and this goes back to the architecture and civil war times. And I would go and run wine. Anything that was ordered off the master list, it was like over 30,000 bottles or something like that. Was in the back, in this back area. And so it was, it was on a CHI system, so like the first number was the first or second floor. Second number was row column side of, you know, it was a five or six digit chi. And so I learned how to navigate this. I was 15 when I started there. Yeah. And I was the only one that knew how to pull wine because for they had transitioned the hostess staff, a lot of them were in college and had gone back Sure.

To school. And so my brother's godparents actually are the original owners. And so I, I just learned how to do it and I was fast and I became really efficient. And so when they had private parties, they would just be, they would call my parents and be like, can you come, can I link up a wine after school?

And I didn't open it or anything. It was just mainly me, like running back and forth and fetching wine. And so that was kind of my intro, but being that it was famous for brunch, it was, there was a saying in New Orleans, breakfast at Brennan's, dinner at Antoine's. Those were kind of the two Gotcha. Uh, big restaurants down.

I mean, they're a million, but Brennan's, they invented Bananas. Foster, they cooked at Tableside. They did like 1800 for brunch. Anybody that was famous that came through town came through Brennan's and it was just a really special place. I grew up in that restaurant. My parents ev any special occasion we would go, we would go for Easter first communion, their anniversary.

Um, the servers knew my parents. Before they had us, so, and wow. It kind of like, that's like Lifetime. That's similar to like what Saint Elmo is here. Yeah. Here. Brennan's was there. So lifetime servers. And so when I had started it just became like a safe haven and I was just mesmerized by just the experience of like having a meal, like.

People would fly from all over to stab brunch there, and when they came in town, they have to have brunch there. And it was just special. And there was something about creating this experience. Yeah. And these memories. And it was just something that I, I left, like I got lost in it. I had a lot going on at home.

My dad is an addict, alcoholic, recovered now. But growing up, you know, that was a definite, I did whatever I could to not be home. So once I got rolling in the, in the restaurant business, it was kind of like my home, away from home, outside of school. And so, yeah. Uh, so it's crazy busy. You, uh, there's way more technology in the restaurant business now, but you, there's just a passion and the, the people that work in restaurants to have.

Such, at least when I worked in restaurants, I have been away from it for a while. But you know, there's, there's a passion to serve, there's a community and working hard and playing hard together and I loved it. And that's when I went to school. The being in a major with people like myself who are really passionate about the business and passionate about service.

Yeah. It was just, you know, these are my people. Yeah. So the restaurant business is really, it's a lot of hard work. It's long hours, you're on your feet, you're running around. But you know, an eight hour shift feels like two hours. You know, I mean it, depending on how busy it is, but yeah. And it becomes, your family and all walks of life are welcome and you see some pretty crazy things.

You know, people can be not so nice. I feel like it should be a lifetime requirement for everyone to work in a restaurant. Yes. And, uh, so that, that's kind of how I got my start. And then when I got to school, I was very involved in everything involved in every student organization related to hospitality business.

And I also worked at Bdubs, so I was working full-time as well. Wow. Even on scholarship, working full-time. Yeah. So That's awesome. Yeah. Well that kind of ties into like my parents and Or they made you Yeah. Well, well they didn't really make me, I was always very stubborn. So when I started working at Brennan's, you know, things were never really great at home.

And I, my dad was an attorney at his own law firm and sort of the way to make up for not so great situations was, you know, to go shopping or to buy me something. And I just was like, or pay for something. And I was like, well. You know, screw you. I don't want your money. I am just gonna get a job and pay for my own shit.

And basically, sorry. Wow. I hope it's okay if I curse. Yeah. We already said the F word. Oh, okay. Or we talked about it. Okay. No, we said it. Yeah, we did. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. My shirt has the F word on it. It's fine. Yeah. So I was like, yeah, I'm just gonna go. I'm gonna work. And, um, I won't have to ask you for anything 'cause I, I didn't want anything from them.

Are they still together? Your parents? They are, uh, my parents. That is a story. My mom and dad, well, my mom's handicapped. Okay. She contracted polio on a cruise ship coming over from London to New York. My grandfather was in the oil business. This is, my mom was like a year old. My Aunt Janet. Four. My mom's 72.

I'm sorry. I'm not that great at math off the top of my head, but, so she had contracted polio during the polio epidemic. And Benny, you're in an iron lung. My aunt Janet, who was four at the time. Iron lung. What is that? I'm not really sure. I, I'm guessing at the time it was like some sort of ventilator. I should, I should have looked this up.

I wanna, I'm gonna Google a picture of that. Yeah. Because I have, I feel like I've heard about that in school. Yeah. Like what that was. But I don't remember. It sounds very intense. And then my aunt Janet, my mom, my aunt Janet, my mom was the worst of the two cases, but my Aunt Janet actually passed away and she was four.

And my mom that sort of, uh, left her paralyzed from the neck down. Both sets of grandparents are extreme Irish Catholic. My great-great-grandparents, both of them are from Ireland. My grandmother, who I'm named after, my grandmother, Eileen, was very, very faithful. She actually took my mom to Lords when she was six or seven.

Are you familiar with the story of St. Bernadette? Mm-hmm. Oh. Um, St. Bernadette, apparently Mary appeared to St. Bernadette, asked her to dig this river. The river is apparently holy and people make pilgrimages hoping for a miracle and will bathe their kids', adults, any sort of healing. Wow. Any sort of disease, they'll go make a pilgrimage to Lords.

It's the river is apparently blessed about. A year. So after two years after my mom went to Lord's, her neck brace, back brace, one of her leg braces came off, but she still still has a muscle tissue. She has 15% of her right quad muscle. She was never supposed to have kids. She walks with crutches. She has a metal brace.

When she takes her brace off, she has to crawl. So my parents, they met so, so random. My dad was in law school and he had decided to go on spring break with a buddy, like last minute to Miami. And my mom was in nursing school in Miami and they met through my mom's cousin and that was kind of it. And then so when they had my sister.

Uh, my dad, it was right before my dad graduated law school and then they had me and my brother we're all, my sister and I are two years apart. My little brother and I are 16 months apart. But we had, uh, my dad was working for the DA's office and my mom, we had an apartment on the third floor and my mom can't like, physically walk and hold us, so she would throw her crutches down to the bottom floor and just go down the stairs with us in her lap and like scoot.

Yeah. And, uh, that's pretty much how she got around. She would just hold on the railing and scoot down and up the stairs. And then when we were old enough to grocery, help her carry groceries, you know, it was, it was a long time. There was no, this was like before the a DA was passed, so, geez, I cannot imagine this.

Yeah. So what, yeah, like anytime I have. Come across any sort of difficulty or obstacle in my life. Like my mom for sure is like this in incredible force, but her and my dad, my dad was alcoholic addict, but she had this crazy faith and I swear the man is still alive because of her. And yeah, it's, it's pretty incredible.

He's been sober now for 16 years. Um, wow. And we, yeah, it's, it, it's been a rough road. When I had moved to Indy, I had joined Ken Long Association 'cause I like didn't know anybody and I had moved. Part of the reason why I moved to Michigan, you know, was to get away. Yeah. My sister went to VI Lenovo, my little brother went to Boston College.

All three of us, I think, you know, this thing had consumed us so much that uh, we just needed to be away from it and live our own lives. Yeah. Although that became hard still because a year after I moved here. So anyway, let me go back. So I joined nfs, it was NS Marathon. Oh. Or Half Marathon training program.

Okay. And NFS for anyone not from Indianapolis, is a gym downtown. Yeah. Is it still around? Yeah. Yeah, it's still around. I went there, I've been there before, but it's been a long time. Yeah. So, and I was living in Riley Towers and I didn't know anybody and I was like, oh, I'll just join this running group, because I had always run, like, you know, to get outta the house to escape the shit.

Like I'd go for a run. Mickey and I, when we were little. My mom was a nurse and there was a cool yard across the street from our house, St. Rita, and the nuns and priests would be out walking every day. And four, we figured out that four laps was a mile. So like Mickey and I would get up in the morning and Megs would be like, go take Mike for a run.

And we would go run a mile while she kind of cleaned up before my mom got home from work, my dad. And so then, yeah, I, I, I just started using running to burn off some steam, you know? Yeah. 'cause we didn't, I didn't really, we didn't really talk about that. I went to All Girls Catholic school, uh, K through 12.

Uh, yeah. Ursuline Academy. It was the first Catholic school in the nation. Wow. Yeah. And pretty special, pretty special community. Definitely. Gosh, I, I mean those years and those walls just kept me safe and yeah, it was pretty special. Um, sorry I'm jumping around a lot, but, so when I joined NS to train for my first mini, I didn't know anybody and I was like, oh, I'll.

Join this running club and try and meet people, but I'm pretty much an introvert. Yeah. So unless somebody like initiates a conversation Yeah. It really doesn't happen unless, like, I'm definitely put myself in positions and so now in a business that forces me to talk and initiate conversation, but if it's just me on my own, I, I don't, I don't, I don't know why that is.

I think it just has to do with a lot of my upbringing and just observing and being quiet. And so I didn't mean anybody, but I ran the mini and I loved it. Like I, I loved it and I was like, I can't even imagine what it would be like to run a marathon. But I know, I knew once I did it that I, that I would wanna do it.

And uh, and then Katrina happened and, ugh. So remind me what year that was? 2005. Five. Mm-hmm. So then Katrina happened and Yeah, that was, uh, that was pretty life changing for my family on so many different levels. You know, the addiction went to rock bottom and we lost our home. My parents were, they had.

Taken shelter at Ursuline at the school. I was actually in Baltimore training for a job at Flemings. They were opening Flemings on the north side. Yeah, I was on the opening management team. So they had sent me to Baltimore, starting this new job. And, and then I had come home from work the second day and I was watching the news and my neighbor, um, my like childhood friend who I had grown up with, Kim Sanford, her mom was a nurse at Ochsner or Methodist?

Methodist. It was Mercy Baptist and the Baptist, the Methodist. And, and uh, she was like, try talking about her mom being at work. And I was like, oh my gosh. Like we growing up in New Orleans. You know, it's below sea level and every year you have like the hurricane simulator that, you know, they show the map and if it's category five, like this is what's gonna happen.

And so, and we had seen it like every hurricane season, but it never actually was directly hit. So everybody, you know, had been through, I mean, generations and generations of people have lived there. And this had never happened before. Right. And so yeah, that, oh, that, that was, that was something. So, and Dave and I had just started dating so.

That was, that was also difficult because they're, hi, welcome to my family. It's kind of a shit storm. Um, yeah. So after Katrina, um, my parents were displaced. They moved to Baton Rouge. They were choppered out of the school with the Ursuline nuns, which was the first time since 1727 that the Ursuline nuns left the Ursuline convent.

Like, wow. Yeah. And it was just a very surreal time. And while the three of us lost our home, my dad was sort of spiraling and that was, that was pretty difficult. And that's kind of when I had decided that I was gonna run a marathon for them. So after Dave and I got married in 2006, I had signed up for Ken Long Association for the, um, marathon training program.

And at the time there were, there wasn't monumental and there wasn't Carmel. So their closest marathon was Columbus. So Columbus was my very first marathon in 2006. I had, I was so mad 'cause I got back from my HI mean, I ran on my honeymoon, I ran when I got back. And then I found out that I had two stress fractures in my metatarsals.

And my running coach was Tom Hathaway at the time. He used to coach down at Southport. He was 82, just the most wonderful man. And uh, you know, we would go, it was at Roberts Park Church downtown, and we would meet on Tuesday nights and they would pass out these. He would pass out these papers and we would fill out our weekly mileage and turn 'em in.

That's great. From the previous week. And then he would like write notes and it was like, it was just, and I have 'em saved. I was gonna say. Oh. Oh, I want to see those. Yeah. That's so cool. I say so I, um, so we made the, the journey to Columbus. My mom came, uh, at the time my dad was missing. Uh, he just sort of just disappeared after my wedding.

And uh, was he at your wedding? Yeah, barely. Okay, good stuff. Did he walk you down the aisle? He did. He did Also. Barely. Gosh. Yeah. That tough. He did. Um, it was that morning I think that my mom found his drugs. We were waiting for my. My uncles, my dad's the oldest of six, and they, they're all from, they all live in Philly.

My aunt Mary Ellen lives in Baton Rouge, so she was always like a safe haven. Like if I had, if you know, we had to leave or miss school or whatever, I would go stay with her. And so my dad, he, my mom purposefully booked the flight. Father Joe came up, he was a pastor at St. Rita, my parents good friend, and he was gonna marry us.

And my mom booked the plane ticket with him on the plane. Father Joe and my dad decided to drive. Can't bring your drugs on a plane. Geez. So, uh, yeah, it was just kind of crazy. Anyway, so I ran Columbus and it was, it was great. Like. It, it was flat. I don't really remember. I remember asking Coach Tom, I'm like, okay, I, if I run this with my fractured foot, like is it gonna be any worse?

Or he's like, no, just take some ibuprofen. He's like, but don't tell anybody I told you that. He's like, you're not gonna make it worse at this point. So I'm like, okay. So, uh, that's what I did. And then, yeah, and that was my first marathon and a few weeks after I had found out that I was pregnant. So, um, that was my very first marathon experience.

So you were technically probably pregnant and pregnant and broken foot. Yeah. Great. Do you remember your finish time? Gosh, I, I think it was 4 4 0 4 0 9 4 11, 4 0 2. All of those I don't, something like that. Yeah. I don't have a spreadsheet. I, I'm not, I wish that I did. That's good. It's probably healthy not to have a spreadsheet.

Yeah, I know a lot. You know, a lot of runners do. Yeah. But at this point, like running was really just therapy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So then fast forward to 2008, um, I had Patrick and then, so I found out I was pregnant in October. I had Patrick in June, and then there was still a lot of shit going on with my parents and I immediately signed up for, my dad was not around when Patrick was born, so I had signed up for Indianapolis.

At Indianapolis half in October. So I had Patrick the end of June and then ran um, Indy half in October in my cotton ray shirt. And I remember Wow, that's so soon after. Yeah, baby. Yeah. Was, I wasn't really thinking about that. Was more like just gotta it. Yeah. Just gotta get it out. Right. And I remember nursing him before the start and handing him off to my husband and going, running the race and then coming back and then nursing him and, 'cause at that time it was like, now they have all kinds of resources for women.

Yeah, yeah. Stuff. Yeah. Stuff. It was like, this was like, now you could like put this thing in your bra and like run around and pump. Yeah. Which is crazy bizarre. Yeah. I'm bizarre. Like, let me put the cigarette lighter charger in. Yeah. Beam it up. Yeah. Yeah. So after that. And was that still when they had the full marathon there as well?

Yeah. And you did the half. You did the half. I did the half, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I did the half. I'm trying to think of what my second fall was. And these were your first races, like Columbia, you've never done like a 5K before doing the Columbus Marathon, or have you done? Oh no, I had done five Ks. I had done the Crescent City Classic 10 K in New Orleans, but I wasn't like, you know, running was running was like an outlet for stress and for conditioning.

I was a diver actually. Oh, okay. Uh, when I was younger I was on a junior Olympic travel like club team for USA diving and, um, so I would You need like three hours. I, I know we ran for conditioning. There's, I told you there's a lot on Unpack here. Yes. Geez. I wanna know more about that. But we, I'm sorry I'm It's okay.

I'm sorry. I'm going all over the place here. No, it's all, it's all good. Um, so then after that we were living in on 36 and Penn, and I remember New Year's Day. There. The dog started going crazy and Dave was at uh, work doing inventory in the wine cellar. So like he, it was no cell service. Yep. And I look outside and the SWAT team's like on the front lawn of your house, of my house at 36 and Penn, and they're using the yellow caution tape to like tape off the street.

And I'm like, what is going on? And like they're getting out, they got their SWAT gear on and they knock on the door and they're like, ma'am, we have a hostage situation next door. There's a woman and her kids being held up at gunpoint. Um, we are gonna need you to stay inside. And I was like, okay. Um, cool.

And how old's Patrick at this point? Like not even a year old? Oh no, wait, I'm sorry. This was before I had Patrick. Okay. Yeah, this is right before I had Patrick. 'cause then we had to move. Oh, while you were pregnant? Yes. That's fun. That's what spurred us move to get out there. Yeah. Yeah. So we hadn't sold the house, but it was like, we just, I was like, Hey, I can't come home from work at night.

And he works mainly nights. So I'm by myself. I was like, this is not, this is not gonna work. Yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna have to go. Um, so we moved into our new house and then, then I had Patrick, and then the following New Year's, we had been struggling to pay both mortgages. And this is like 2008. 2008 was like the big recession.

Dave had a side business with two partners. They owned nine rental homes on Butler, like around Butler. Okay. And so they rent 'em out. And then Marion County, we levied tax property taxes. The economy crashed. We had two mortgages. And, um, I remember looking, my brother had come to visit me and the, it was New Year's Day again, and the refrigerator and the washing machine broke.

And Mickey was like, come on, Lee. Like, let's, let's just go. Like, it was so stressful. We were like completely outta money at that point. And, um, we go, he is like, let's go get a beer. I'll buy a dinner. And we're sitting at, uh, Scotty's or wherever we went and looking at the TV and on the news, somebody had gotten shot and killed.

And there is like, and it was on our block of our old house that we, and the talk to Tucker signs there and. And I, who wants to buy it? Perfect commercial. Happy freaking there. Oh my God. Um, so anyway, so all of these rental homes were, what I'm getting at is that like there was nothing left and we found out that six of the nine mortgages were tied to Dave and he didn't know, 'cause the, the business part, I guess wasn't set up completely, or they had never finished setting the business part up.

So there comes bankruptcy and then I found out I was pregnant. Oh my gosh. Yay. So when people are like, uh, you know, we're just not ready. We're just not, we wanna be in a good place financially ready. Oh geez. It's like, you're like, come on, I've, I've done this. So having a toddler and an infant is one thing.

When you have. When you're basically a single mom because of his job, right? I mean, I was, it was just me. Like I'd work all day. I picked them up from daycare and, and, but add being a paycheck away from homeless adds another level of stress. And I just had, I just had to run. I just, I was at the J every morning at 6:00 AM on the treadmill, and I had signed up, my friend Rachel, who had done my first marathon with me, they were doing Ragnar after Lucas was born.

And she was like, come on. I was like, I cannot afford to go to Arizona. And she was like, I don't care like you, we will pay for you to go. Like you gotta do this. So I'm like, okay. So February I do Ragnar and it was just amazing. I mean. There's so much stress and it for the first time, like it was my first time away from the two of 'em and, and I was meeting people just as me.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. I felt like there was so much baggage, you know, I went from Katrina to issues with my dad and then bankruptcy and having babies and being broke, and I just, it was just so much fun. And I will never forget, my second leg was at 3:00 AM through the desert. I think I had an eight mile leg and it was just quiet and I just, I loved it and I, and it, we had a, the best time we ran from press kit to Tempe, Jack Daniel sponsored us.

Our team name was Hold My Drink. I'm gonna try something. That's great. And uh, yeah, we just had the best time. And then I ran Columbus again in October and I, you know, I had so much, I don't know what the word is. Just so much internally. I, when I had moved here and married Dave and my schedule wasn't set up to where like I could really make friends.

Like, I didn't really know. I still didn't really know many people here. Yeah. And you know, I worked during the day and I had the kids at night, so it wasn't like I had any time to socialize. Yeah. And I didn't really have anybody to talk to about all of this shit going on. So all I could do was run. And um, I had just kind of put it in my head that I was just gonna run it out and see if I could try and qualify for Boston.

And I didn't even know what that looked like. I just knew, like, I had always, when I saw jackets, I was like, man, someday like, I just want to do that. That's so cool. Like, I don't even know like how one goes about doing it. But then I ran Columbus in 2010. Um, Lucas was. Just, just over a year old. Wow. Because he was born September 29th and it's always the third Sunday of October.

And that was, oh God. It was, it was great. I mean, I just felt like I got some shit out and then I found out I qualified and, uh, I was so excited and I didn't even know like, what, what came next, but I was just so excited. And I remember one of my Ragnar teammates, and this was actually like the, the day before registration had opened up, one of my Ragnar teammates was like, Hey, you know, you gotta, you gotta get in, you gotta register tomorrow.

And I was like, oh. Oh, okay. So I get on the website and this is before. This was like first come, first serve. I can't even believe now with all of the rules and stuff. Yeah. Like I can't even believe this is how it used to be. But you got a one minute grace period. So my qualifying time is like 3 40 11.

Okay. 'cause you got, you know, a minute over your qualifying time to get in. Wow. How nice does that sound? Yeah. And then it was like. First come, first serve and the website crashed and people were pissed. But I got in. I got in and I was so excited. And then from there, that was the year that changed. You know, they had the rolling registration and they had lowered the standards, and then I was like, oh man, you know, now what am I gonna do?

I'm gonna have to quit smoking, by the way. Yes. Up until this point, I was a smoker. Well, I did wanna point out, because this whole time I've been thinking like, I mean, did you ever deal with alcoholism or drugs or anything like, because I'm just thinking, wow, like with all that stress and all of that on you, like, and just having that in your family, like turning to something like that wouldn't have been all that surprising.

No. Like, well, I was around it. I was a lot. I was around a lot of drugs when I worked in the restaurant business and just in New Orleans in general, like. Uh, there's so much centered around alcohol. Yeah. And we would go out and, and we had a good time. Like, you know, drinking is part of the culture and in high school, but I never really, this is gonna sound weird, but I was like, I don't wanna drink.

I'm only going to smoke pot. I mean, like, I'm going to not swear off alcohol. And really, like, through college, I mean, I, I didn't, I was, I was working, I had two jobs and I was taking 15 to 18 credits and I wasn't, I didn't drink much. I did smoke pot. I was a pothead. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And I smoked a lot of cigarettes.

Cigarettes. That's so, so not only. Did you run your first marathon with a broken foot and while pregnant? Mm-hmm. But you're also, you're a smoker up till this point. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's, that's wild. Yeah. I'm hardcore ally. Yeah. I, I mean, learning all this about you is just so, I mean, I just feel so fortunate to be Well, learning all this.

I mean, it's so amazing. I mean, it's kind of crazy. Holy shit. 'cause we haven't even, we haven't even gotten to like, the other race, I mean, all the races. It's like in recent past. No. So anyway, so, uh, so yeah. So then when they, after I, I got to Boston and I didn't even know. I didn't even know how I was gonna get there.

'cause we had like no extra money. I think my brother and my sister may have helped, but we, we went out and it was, yeah, it was, uh, very surreal. It was surreal and I just couldn't believe, you know, up until this point, like just being ridden with anxiety every, every day and just not even understanding or being able to fathom, you know, this experience.

It was wild and beautiful and amazing. And so that was my first Boston. And then the next year they, they lowered the, raise the qual and find time. I don't know. Like it lowered Right. You know. Yeah. Made it harder. It made it harder. What, wait, what year was your first Boston? 2011. 11, okay. Mm-hmm. Yep. Okay.

Yeah, 2011. So I qualified when Lucas was just over 12 months old. And when I got to Boston, Patrick was three, and Lucas was about 18 months old, a year and a half. So how the hell did you train on a treadmill? Yeah, at the JII. Did they have childcare there? Yeah. So they went to the JCC. I didn't care like it, you know.

Whatever it I had to do to get them there. 'cause it was the very best place. And with everything going on, I just wanted them to have like the best experience. And also, Dave and I needed daycare from seven to six essentially, I guess. Yeah. You're working your ass off. Yeah, because I worked eight to five and then he worked from anywhere from like typically mid 12 to 12 or 12 to two.

So yeah, so I was, I was at the J like every morning right when it opened. I get my miles in. I also, when I was at Nordstrom, there was a girl that worked for me that lived in the apartments and she gave me the gym code. So I would like run on my lunch break. That's kind of always been, I just fitted in whenever and then long runs I would do on Sunday when I wasn't working.

Yeah. Wow. So yeah, that was. Nuts. Just make it, yeah. Yeah. I just, just do it. Just do it. It was just like, you know, it's like if you make a, a appointment to talk to a counselor for an hour, you know, it's like that's basically what it was. It's like I gotta go get my mileage in. Yeah. Yeah. And I just kept running.

So did you do Boston the following year then? I had qualified the following year. I was sort of grandfathered in, but that, that's when they started the cut. And I think the first cut was like a minute under, so I didn't make the cut. And then I qualified again in 2015, I think it was for 2016, or it may have been 2016 for 17.

And I missed cut by 17 seconds. Oh. And that was so hard. That's sad. That was so sad. I remember crying into my soup just like, I was just like looking so for it, it was so hard to like make it back. And then 2018, I was a year, it was like a banner year, like, you know, we had finished, we were out of bankruptcy 'cause we were on the payback plan or whatever.

And I had been promoted a couple times and life was starting to get a little bit easier. I had CC in 2013, I had switched jobs. I had to leave Nordstrom I think in 2015 or 16, 20 15. I think my grand, my Dave's mom lives here. Um, and she's the only family, but she's 80 something. 80. She's 80. 89 now. Wow. Okay.

But when she had turned 80 at the time, she was like, I cannot watch all three kids. Like, you're like, oh, it makes sense. Yeah. And geez, and you know, Saturdays birthday parties and Yep. Play dates and everything was happening on Saturday and both of us were working Saturdays. Wow. So that's when I kind of transitioned out to recruiting.

And then, um, 2017 I got a new job and at Design Bell Construction Firm and uh, as a recruiter, I was the first in-house recruiter they brought on and life started to kind of settle a little bit. Mm-hmm. You know, things we had considered buying another house 'cause we were outgrowing our 1600 square foot house.

And now we, we could actually, yeah. 'cause we couldn't. Before. And then that's when we went looking, got our house, um, new builds, new community in Westfield. Um, we were the first, so we got a good deal on it. And yes, 2018 I, my miles ended up, it was less of a transfer of pain to more of running for a different purpose.

Like it felt lighter and easier and more joyous. And so, and that was like my PR year. So I ran Columbus and I prd, I qualified for Boston 2019. A couple weeks later or a week later, I did Temsa Trail half, and that was pretty amazing. I, I think I was third female or third of my age group. And then I did monumental half and that was my half pr.

So like 2018 was good and I had 2019 comes. I did also do. Before I did tecumsah, I'm sorry, I had glossed over Naone 50 K. Oh, that was my first 50 K. Yeah, I was wondering where that came in. Wow. Yeah. So I had moved after I had started my job and I had missed Boston. I had just was like, man, I just gotta, I gotta get it out.

And I was like, I'm just gonna. I'm gonna sign up for this trail race. I'm gonna do my first 50 K. Gosh. Which I didn't know, like I had never done. I had, I did one trail run at Eagle Creek maybe a couple months before. It was like a, it was like a 15 K, but it was short. And I didn't understand him. My friend Jenny was like, no, trail races are typically like shorter because the GPS isn't accurate.

So it was like actually eight miles and at Eagle Creek and it was like, I mean those trails are pretty much flat compared to Brown County State Park. Um, so I had no idea what, I just like signed up for this thing and I, I'll have to find the start line photo for you. 'cause it was like one of these things is not like the other.

Here I am in my trucker hat. I had one buff, my sports bra, one gel. And that was it. And like all these people have like camel backs, backpacks. Yeah, backpacks. Who knows? They got food, they got like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and I was like, oh shit. Oh boy. Um, what did I miss? I didn't have a drop, I didn't have a drop bag or anything.

So yeah, so that was, that was insane. And I remember getting to, gosh, it was like mile 26 or 27 and I was like, God, when it's gonna end, this is so painful. And I remember making the turn, the last mile coming out and they were like, here comes our number three female. And I was like, what?

Who, where is she? 'cause yeah, that me, um, it was wild. It was wild because it was not on a trail. A lot of it is extreme. If you know the Naone series, I haven't, I I know of it. I know I've not done any, it's kind of like off road trailing, like you're also trying to stay on course and look for flags and climbing up.

You're scaling like mountains and jumping over trees. And there were, I was swatting horse flies. And I was like, this is just miserable. Like, I have no idea. I remember driving to the registration, I looked at my friend Jenny, and I was like, um, what, how, how many hills are there? Oh God. And she was like.

Just make sure that your shoes are tied on really tight because it rained, it's on horse trails. Your first two miles are gonna be all uphill and you'll be sinking in mud and you just don't wanna lose your shoes. And I was like, oh, okay, great. Cool. But it'll be great. It'll be, you'll be so good. You've got this.

And I'm like, oh God. Yeah. So that was, wow. That was surreal. And another like amazing experience. And then we moved and then comes 2019 and things were good. Like we moved out of our house. We had to move into an apartment downtown. 'cause our new house wasn't gonna be ready till August. Oh yeah. And that's, that sucks so bad.

Like packing up one house, putting stuff in storage, moving to a two bedroom apartment in downtown Indy with all three kids and the dog. Three chill. And a dog. And a dog. Yeah. Perfect. Oh four for like. A month and a half until our house was ready. It was so chaotic. So the kids usually go down to Sanibel every year to visit.

Dave's sister lives in Naples. Okay. So they'll spend a week with Aunt Gina, and then we go to Sanibel the first week of August we've gone every year. That's where Dave's grew up going. His mom and dad bought, uh, four weeks timeshare, like back in the seventies and they've held onto it. And so like each kid got a week and we typically have gone the first week, um, free, you know, free vacation.

Yeah. Um, so this year though, we weren't gonna go because of the new house. We were, you know, we just wanted to spend time and get stuff situated, go furniture, shopping, whatever. So the kids left on a Saturday and I was gonna meet Dave out for date night. I had gone to Broad Ripple to meet some friends, took an Uber 'cause I didn't wanna like get in my car out of apartment garage.

And, and I knew I was gonna have a couple drinks and so I, I went to Broad Ripple maybe for an hour, hour and a half, called a ride share. And what would've been a 10 minute ride back downtown was, uh, not. And uh, I got dropped off at his restaurant and uh, I called him 'cause I didn't know, I didn't really have a concept of time at that point.

I. Knew that I had been raped. And uh, I call him and I was like, Hey, where are you? And he was like, I'm at the apartment. Like, where are you? I mean, and I said, I'm at the restaurant, like, I thought you were gonna be here. And he was like, honey, it's like almost midnight. Like, and I said, I need you to come get me.

I've been raped. And I walked through the bar and I go to the bathroom and I just collapse. And he parked in the alley, carried me out, and we went straight to downtown IU Methodist. And um, I got there shortly after midnight and that was the most, um, I was in shock for sure. I didn't really. I couldn't really process what had just happened.

All I knew was that I was hoping that maybe I was dreaming and I kept saying, you know, do you think it was a dream? Like maybe I was dreaming. And uh, that's when I met, um, Cheryl, my forensic nurse, there is a separate center in the ER for sexual assault victims and it's set up like a hospital room slash lab.

'cause they, you know, do a pretty extensive, extensive rape kit, which seemed to last for like three and a half hours. And then they take you to a room and you have to take like every sort of medicine possible. They give you like every STD drug and shot heavy antiviral drugs, uh, some sort of HIV antiviral drug that they have now that, um, makes you really sick that I had to be on for 30 days. And, uh, I just remember walking out of the hospital. It was probably like 7:00 AM and they had bagged all my clothes and, um, they gave me these large white blue sweats and it was July and I just remember feeling like so hot. And, uh, we got back to the apartment and, uh, I just filled the bathtub with scalding hot water and sat.

I just remember thinking still, like maybe it was a dream. And we decided Dave went to take a nap and I was awake. I called my sister. And, um, once he woke up, we went for a walk and I said, can we walk to St. John's? That's where we got married. And, um, I lit a candle and I just asked God to please gimme the strength to forgive this person.

Mm-hmm. So that I could make it through what I knew was going to be not, uh, not a good time. And, uh, said my prayers. We walked out, we walked around downtown and I just remember the sun was like burning hot. And, um, the rest, the next six months of my life were somewhat blurry. Like, uh. Saturday, or this was Sunday.

Sunday I had gotten out of the hospital and um, after we had gone to lunch, I wanted to go see my best friend Monica, who I met at Nordstrom when I transferred to Keystone. And it was like, she's always been like a godsend. She's like my sister. I went to her house, I told her what had happened. My forensic nurse had called to check on me on the way home and gave me her work schedule because she was worried about me.

And she was like, I know this isn't protocol, but I just wanted to check on you and give you my work schedule and let you know when I'll be here. And then Sunday night I was up all night. I didn't go to sleep and I had to go to work Monday and I get to work And um, well they had. Told me when I had been released that an SVU detective would be in touch because there wasn't one on call, or he was called away at that point after I had been, after my rape exam was done.

Um, so there was another officer, but they passed the case over to SVU. Um, so I got to work and having not slept, and I, I couldn't, uh, I, it was, I wasn't, uh, I was pretty numb. I had to tell my boss what happened, which was like, um, I, I didn't even know how to find the words, but I had to tell him because SVU had called and said that they needed me to come down the station and I had to leave work, and I knew that I wasn't gonna be able to go back on the night before.

I had called Cheryl, she was working at iu, and I was like, I can't, I can't sleep. Like I don't. She had called Linda, who was the director of clinical services at Julian Center and gave her my number directly. So while I was at SVU, Linda had called and wanted me to come to see her, and I was like, okay, well, you know, I, as soon as I finish up here, I guess I'll go there.

And that was, that was surreal. I show up at Linda's office and uh, I remember sitting in the chair and she just put pillows all around me and gave me a blanket. And she was real quiet and she was like, I know that what you just went through, what you've been through is a lot. She was like, but if you wanna just sit here, you can go to sleep if you want.

And I just remember it was the softest I had felt and everything felt so harsh. Uh, I don't know how to describe it. I just, like my clothes. Everything just hurt and it was the most comfortable I had felt in that moment. And I don't even think I said very much. I just remember feeling safe. Um, Dave had to work.

My sister flew in town. I was awake again Monday and Tuesday. Uh, my friend Sarah offered to come over and sit with me so that I could go to sleep. And I, up until that point, I hadn't really slept. He, the last thing he said I remember was, you could go to sleep if you want. And he, he being your rapist.

Mm-hmm. And I had just seen, you know, I, I didn't, I didn't see a face. I saw his eyes in the rear view mirror and that was kind of it. There sounds, you know, Sunday, uh, when we had gotten back from St. John, actually I had opened my email and I saw my receipt and I had been, I saw that I was in the car for almost an hour, and I think that was the first time I actually realized like it was real.

And so I remember, or just not knowing like what to do with myself, like. How to be, how to exist. I knew I had to run, I wanted to run, but I was on all of this medication and it was like, it tore me apart. I was, it made me sick. It was messing up my blood sugar. I wasn't sleeping. Couple weeks go by, the kids come home.

Yeah. You know, it was kind of a godsend that they weren't here. 'cause I had a couple weeks to like get my bearings and then we had to move. We had to move. And they had just transferred schools. They had just started SMG, they were at St. Luke previously. So they were, we were moving and they were starting a new school.

All of these things. And I was just this shell of a human. Yeah. Trying to keep it from them. And I, I wanted so badly I had run a fall marathon. Every year that I wasn't pregnant. And I was like, no, I'm not gonna let this change. Like I'm just, I gotta run monumental somehow. Part of the course passed over where he pulled over and, you know, the last stretch on Meridian, the Rideshare Office, big old sign right there, the final stretch.

So I had decided that I was gonna run this thing no matter what, and I had barely trained, 'cause I, I just, I wasn't okay. I had to, you know, I was moving and getting kids ready and, uh, the medicine and lack of sleep and lack of everything, lack of sanity I guess. But I kept trying to run. I kept running, no matter how painful it was.

And I showed up to monumental. I decided that I was gonna wear my sweats. That I got released from the hospital as my throwaways so I could throw 'em away. And I filled out index cards that said, I forgive you. And it had the date and I dropped them on the course. And uh, I just needed a finish line. I just needed to feel like myself again.

Yeah. Oh. Because as I look back on my life, running is the one thing that has made me feel beautiful or kept away. The darkness, I guess more than anything. It was like one of those things that there was so much darkness around me, but when I was running, I felt like seen by myself, by my own spirit, if that makes sense.

Like I felt beautiful and I remember listening to a podcast when, um. Glennon interviewed Shalan and uh, she said, you know, I feel most beautiful when I'm running. And I wrote it on a post-it note. 'cause when I was went back to work, man, I, gosh, trying to focus, well, first of all, you know, Linda had helped me realize that trauma shuts your brain off so that as a mechanism to protect you.

And it, it's not just in that moment for trauma because it happens, like you forget your memory is going to be impacted for however many you don't even know. For me it was a solid year. Like, and I had a photographic memory. Like school was always easy for me because I could just read something and remember it and take tests and like my memory, I remember stuff from like when I was three years old and then all of a sudden I couldn't remember.

Anything. I couldn't remember if I, I go to work and I'd check my sent email box first. 'cause I didn't know if I had completed a task. Nobody at work knew except my boss. I didn't take any time off. They allowed me to take a half day on Mondays to go to, um, Julian Center to see Linda. But I had been through so much adversity and never once did I want it to be an excuse for my performance and my mind would be no different.

Although it was incredibly difficult to focus. I listened to music, I did whatever I could to like find some beautiful music, anything that could drown out the fear and the anxiety, and then the, the steps in the criminal process, you know. The rape kit in order for it to be processed in the crime lab.

There's only one crime lab in Indy. Um, and they told me that homicide comes first, so it could potentially be six to 10 months before they even get to my rape kit, which I was like, oh, I didn't even, I couldn't really quantify, but they were like, your, your case, you know, we could probably get it expedited given that it was a stranger.

And there are so many levels that are just wrong about the whole process in general. But like six to 10 months I was like, I, I don't even know. I mean, I, and then what? And then after that they had to confirm that it was a DNA find the DNA match, find him, get a warrant for his DNA, which he ended up being arrested.

There was a warrant out for his arrest just to get his DNA sample. Um. Once they got the DNA back from the crime lab, this was about November. Oh no no. November was when they, they were try, they had worn out for his rest 'cause they had to get his DNA and it was the day before Thanksgiving, I think he was outside waiting to give somebody else a ride and an off-duty officer there was bolo out for him.

So, uh, an off-duty officer had seen the car and the description and so that's how they ended up arresting him to get his DNA. But then they had to let him go because then they had to send his DNA to the crime lab. So fast forward to March, they sent his DNA, came back from the crime lab, I think until, not until after January.

And this is January, 2020 now. And it's such, such a process. The first six months I was, I was pretty much numb. And I, you know, looking back on all of it, I, I, I, I, I'm not really sure how well I coped or, or was I, I just, I had to, I had to work and I had to be a mom, and I went from working all day, hiding it to being a mom at night trying to hide it.

But kids, like, they knew, yeah, they could see that I was sad that I couldn't hear. I would forget things. I was on edge. They didn't know. They still don't, they don't, but they know that there was something. And man, those kids, like, they, they kept me going. I mean, there were so many dark days. He was arrested, March.

13th, 2020 and then the world shut down. Yeah. And he was released, he was under house arrest, but still, um, then, then came, you know, the criminal part, and that was just, I had three different prosecutors. I kept having to revisit the story. I had to have a deposition that kept getting continued. And they, they had also told me that one of the biggest tactics in sexual assault cases was to continually continue it, like the defense attorney will, will continue it because they want to wear the victim out.

And they do, they do. My deposition kept getting continued, and then they landed on a date, which happened to be my birthday in 2020. And Linda said, she was like, Hey, this is gonna be like the hardest thing that you do, but your words, and this will stay with him. It will, no matter what happens in your case, like this is important.

Like just be strong. She was like, it's gonna be tough, but she gotta do it. She gave me these bracelets and it was, it was brutal. It was brutal. And then I went ax throwing. I didn't expect that. I didn't see that coming. Went ax throwing after her. God. Yeah. And then I got another prosecutor and it just kept going.

And then, oh gosh, entering 2021 and it's still going. And, uh. At this point I'm like waiting for trial and they keep pushing it back and pushing it back. And then it was May, and then finally I was like, I can't, I can't do this. And my third prosecutor was just, I mean, there was like no care. And it was as almost, if I had been now to so many meetings and I felt like I, there is no way that they were gonna have my back.

I mean, I didn't, how on earth am I gonna get on the stand and trust these people with this horrific thing that we had been over, over again. And I just, they continued the trial again and I was like, just come up with a plea. They had, the defense came up with a plea and I was like, yeah, I'll take it. Yeah.

And then they said, you can read your victim impact statement. Uh, you have that right. And I went back and forth 'cause I still didn't have a, a face and I felt like I don't wanna put a face. I don't know if I could have a face, but I know that I was something I had to do and everybody's like, oh, you'll feel so much better.

But I knew I had to do it because I had to address, I had to address it. And I had been through hell and I wanted, I wanted to find my words. And, um, I read my victim impact statement. When I got the date, it was three days before eight hour endurance. And I was like. I signed up and I knew that I was just gonna go run it out.

And I don't even think, I didn't tell Dave until the day before that I was doing it. I was just gonna go. Yeah. I was just gonna go and do it and run until run, until it just drop it and, um, run until it didn't hurt, or, I don't know. I just, it was perfect. Yeah. I'm like, I'll just run for eight hours. Great.

And so prosecutor, of course, we're supposed to be there at 9:00 AM it was late. I'm like in the bathroom, like vomiting and dry heaving because this is like completely not a normal thing for somebody to do. Right. I mean, like to face, I was so scared and, um, I hadn't eaten or slept that whole week, just like not even knowing what this would be like, but they waited and, you know, you go into a, a room.

And it's not just me, it's like a million cases. So there's like all these attorneys and you're waiting for your case to be called. And um, the jury gallery is just like, turn attorneys on laptops and it's kind of loud and people are talking and they just go from case to case. And so, you know, they call my case and my husband had a statement and I had a statement and um, they call me up, Monica had come with me and I just felt like my words were just like evaporating.

Like here I am reading what my life has been like for the past two years and it was just. Nobody was paying attention. I remember there was an attorney in the jury gallery, um, typing, and as soon as they heard me start speaking, he stopped. And then the woman next to him stopped and they kind of looked at me and they kind of gave me a nod, and I'm like, not looking at my rapist at all.

And he wore a mask, like completely. And this was after, like masks weren't a thing. He, he wore a mask. Um, and I, I read my statement and I just felt like this was about as cold as the entire process. But I also walked away thinking, I really, really feel like I can handle anything. It was such a non grand.

Event. And I guess, you know, when I walked out, IW there wasn't like this weight that was lifted. It was like, fuck. Like, this was like not important. And you know, when I got to eight hour, I had my pair of shoes and my sports bra, of course. Like, I'm so not prepared. And I heard my friend Lauren was like, Eileen, are you ready?

Like, they were about to start. And I'm like, yeah, you know, like I was, you know, I'm just gonna go do this thing. Did you do it by yourself? I did it by myself. I did solo. Um, and that was, I mean, up until the eight hour, I think it was eight hour last year, that was the farthest I ever run. I did like 32.17 miles.

I end all my runs. One seven. I was born on the 17th. My street address growing up was 77 17 Belfast. The house we lost in Katrina seventeen's just kind of always been my like number. And so when you had said, you know, when can you be on the show? And I was like, ah, gosh. Should be, I gotta be episode 17. And when you told me the date it would air, that will be four, four years to the day that I walked outta the hospital.

And I was like, I know that I have to do this. The biggest thing, you know, in this entire process was people don't know what to say. Mm-hmm. Or how to react and you want so badly. And I had been through so much in my life up until this point, and I, I was able to get through it. Like I could do it, but this thing, this, this one thing stole all of the color in my world and I couldn't.

I couldn't do it alone, but nobody knows what to say or do, so they leave you alone. 'cause they don't want to bring it up 'cause they don't want to upset you. Mm-hmm. But they're like, I, I just don't want you to think about it. It's like, no, I think about it, yeah. 24 7 all the time. It never leaves my brain now, of course.

No. But yeah, it was the most isolating, you know, I lost friends. I lost sanity sleep, my dignity and color time. I lost time. My victim impact statement, I wrote it after Patrick's eighth grade graduation. I was sitting in SMG church and I saw him walk in with his suit on and he just looked so old and grown up and I had missed it.

And I had missed time and I had missed life. And, uh. And that's what I talked about. And you know, I, uh, it's, it's not something that anybody knows how to approach the subject. It's a very, uh, broken system in a lot of ways. And, uh, it's a very taboo subject, but it is very prevalent. Rapists are the least prosecuted criminals.

Only 3% I know why Now it's, it's a process where you are just in this deep hole and all I could do was run. And so after the endurance eight hour endurance, I, uh, my first race back, like race, race after COVID and all of this shit was Columbus, and I was just ready. I was like, man, I just gotta like, I just gotta run it out.

And I wanted to qualify for Boston again. I had qualified for 2021. There was like a seven minute cutoff or some. Something crazy. And I had seven minutes and 11 seconds and I think it was 7 47. And I was like, oh, you've gotta be kidding me. But I was like, no, whatever. Screw it. I'm just gonna, I'm gonna run Columbus and I'm gonna do it.

And I remember crossing that finish line and the kids were there and I prd, I didn't look at my watch, I just went and man, I just felt like I had just conquered the world in a way. And uh, when I got to Boston in 2022, I remember riding the bus to the start line, just starting to cry, thinking, man, I don't even know how I made it here.

There were more days that I wanted to be dead than alive.

But I think the main thing that I wanted to say and do on this show. It doesn't matter if you have no money, if you lose your home, if you are struggling with addiction or parents with addiction, or you lose all your friends, you lose your dignity. There's a fire that cannot stop you and you just have to hold on to positive things and silver linings, because that's what I've always done, and I've always believed that from every like dark place, there's this light, you will find delight.

You just gotta hold on and wait to see it. Because when I look back, there are so many things. You know when Katrina happened, that's when I met Dave, and I don't think I would've been able to handle that if I hadn't. Been falling in love, you know, with my husband, when my dad hit rock bottom, we got married, you know, when we had to file for bankruptcy, I still had these two beautiful babies that kept me going.

I kept going in life, and it doesn't matter. Like, it doesn't matter. You just have to hold on. And, and I think running and being able to cross as many finish lines as possible has been so, so monumental to my life. And, uh, so if anybody, you know, I mean, I have a place to, you know, if you're struggling with anything, if you've been a victim of sexual assault or anything, you know, I mean, feel free to reach out.

Like I will run with you. I will be with you. I will tell you all of the beautiful things that you are because. I didn't have that in this time. I mean, uh, I know we have like way past time and there's so much more I could say. Yeah, there's so many more stories, but I mean, that's pretty much the crux of it.

Will you ever tell your kids? I mean, yeah, I think so. Uh, I think kids are so freaking smart. I know my oldest, you know, my oldest and my middle might know. I eventually, if they ask, I think I, I haven't been able to know what to do with that. Yeah. Um, you know, I, I, I don't want to, you know, there's not much that they can do about it under the right circumstances.

I hope that they come to know that their mom is just. A fighter and we'll fricking walk through fire for them. And I pretty much did. Yeah. A million times over. And, and, and that's what motherhood is, right? I mean, you know, it doesn't matter how much you're going through, you have this responsibility and, and going through this like, man, I, it made me even more sympathetic to my parents because, you know, when you're going through something it's, it's like almost like you're, there's no room for you to process or go through anything yourselves when you have children, right.

Because it's like you're on stage. Yeah. Um, and they see, and they can feel that energy and you have to figure out a way to, um, channel it in a positive way. And, you know, some days I was great at it and some days I wasn't it, but you know. I hope that when I do tell them that they, they know that, you know, at this period of time when I was sad, it was, you know, I fought, I fought for them and I fought for, uh, for me to, to pull myself out of this crazy darkness.

And that, that really, I mean, more than anything, to not, not lose faith and not give up on life, you know, I mean, that's essentially, oh, during the, I mean, I didn't really have my parents, this is, well, we didn't touch on this, but you know, right after I was raped, I found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer.

And so I didn't tell them for a while. Dave actually ended up telling them, but you know, my dad was going through chemo and I was going, I mean, it was just. Not, not, uh, all around very unpleasant. But yeah, it's, uh, I knew that I, I've never talked about this and I know I had kind of a long, a lot of life to unpack before I even got there, but I, when you had talked about when you had started this and I had listened to Alex's story, I remember I was on the elliptical on my lunch break, and I'm just like crying and I'm like, Eileen, stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Like, you know, like, you, you, you're alive and you have so much left to live. And like, you know, it just kind of changed my perspective and I think the platform and the, the idea of. Um, heroes in everyday people. Yeah. Or drawing inspiration from everyday people is, is a real thing. And I, and I, I had to do that myself in many different ways, in many different areas of my life.

And I just think it's such a, a positive thing that you're doing, so thank you. You're welcome. Well, and I don't know if you've noticed this, but I originally, I don't remember what my tagline was for the podcast. It was kind of like, it was like inspiration from everyday people. But you said something to me in DM on Instagram that was like, you said, I love what you're doing.

Every runner has a story. And I was like, yeah. Mm-hmm. So now the tagline on my podcast, because every runner has a story and it's because of you. And I just, it's true. Everybody, you just, you never know. Yeah. You don't know. I had no idea walking into this room. I mean, I shouldn't say no idea because I knew your story somewhat, but like all the other things.

All that you've been through. Yeah, I mean, running, running has just been, you know, I mean, I didn't even have a watch, I didn't have a watch for my, like first 10 marathons. I've done 25 marathons since 2006. I don't even know how many halves. Four something 50 Ks. I know. We didn't even get to the full mo, but yeah, there been, oh yeah.

Right. You're the fact that you were first place, yeah. First sub masters. Yeah. Ma, I mean, I don't care. First at masters. Yeah. It was sub masters. My, my lovely mug sits at my desk at work because it was like a couple months before my 40th and I was like, I'm gonna drink outta this every day while I'm a sub master.

Yes. Yeah. Because 40, you know, I was just so, uh. I didn't care except for I had lost time. Yeah. Yeah. And I felt like I lost a lot of time, but I know that I'm gonna make up for it. Hell yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, and I mean, not only that, there was a fucking global pandemic, like just in there. Well, yeah. I mean, for me it's like you gotta live through that no races.

So you have no out, like that outlet is gone during that time. Yeah. You know, a time when I just needed and wanted, uh, to be hugged, I'm a hugger. Um, to be hugged and, and be with people, everybody was like, yeah, I mean, so scared. Like it's a whole nother level of isolation. Yeah. So it was, it was like a. A triple isolation.

Yeah. And I wasn't, yeah, yeah. Uh, talk about a, a blur of time, but, you know, I made it through and, um, I'm just super thankful, you know, my husband and the kids and the people that have, um, embraced me and, uh, I've just been so fortunate. Um, the friends that I've made, there are these five women at work that, gosh, we be, they, they befriended me in the midst of me being a zombie.

I was like, they had asked me to go to Arnie's for a drink, and it was like, again, like the 50 came home and I, like me, spun my head around. I'm like, are they talking to me? Like, because at work I was so in my head and just focusing on like not showing any kind of emotion like. I was worried I would just crack.

Yeah. You know, at any given day. Um, so yeah, it's just been, you know, I, I wouldn't have, I don't know that I would have the same friendships if mm-hmm. I hadn't been through all of this, so Yeah. I'm very fortunate and I, I'm hoping that this helps somebody. Yeah, no doubt. Yeah. Thank you for sharing. Of course.

Because I know that that was not easy. Yeah. And you and I both now have been into, I feel like, I'm like, well, how the hell do I say, okay, now I'm gonna ask you about the song. Yeah. So we're just gonna do it. We're just gonna transition. 'cause I don't know. So no. So I did a lot of treadmill runs 'cause I was afterward 'cause I was a whole nother level of fear of like going out to run alone.

Ah. But I would put music on and I, whatever would just say, keep me going. And that song I think I sent you a Hozier is, uh, from Ireland. And, uh, Nina Cried Power is just this, I mean, originally it's, it's written for, uh, in honor of, uh, protest. I mean, Nina Simone was a, a black singer and civil rights activist.

And if you listen on the lyrics, they're so powerful. But they bring up all of the people that that wrote song or, or protested, you know, James Brown, Tony Mitchell, oh gosh, who am I missing? And he sung it with, uh, Marva Staples. And she's a great gospel singer. Say, did I say Marvis, Mavis Staples. Sorry. I'm thinking Marvin Gaye, whatever.

Uh, but it's just one of those songs that is so powerful and I remember there was a lyric, you know, it's not the song, it is the singing. It's the heaven of the human spirit ringing. And yeah, it's just, I, that's what every finish line has been for me. What I felt after every run, like, you know, I would be like, no, it was like my own protest to what I was living through.

I'm like, oh my God. Like I just gotta keep going. I just gotta keep going. And I would put it on when I start to feel down and yeah, it's just so good. Yeah. Do you have any mantras too? Mantra? Oh, buck up buttercup. Like, I mean, I don't, when I'm running, I really don't. Um. I used to say this is so opposite of what racing marathons is because it's like, it's a 20 mile run with a six K at the end.

And I would like, say it's a 20 mile training run and then a six mile cool down.

Oh, it's funny. Like whatever works, whatever works, whatever you need to tell yourself. Yeah. Whatever you need to tell yourself. But I think that was my mantra for monumental, just because I knew that I was not, I was not trained for that. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, that was, that was a rough one, but also like, did so much for my spirit.

Yeah. And what, what day is it? It's almost, it's July. It's July. What, what do you have next? What races are coming up next for you? Well, what's your next finish line? Um, I qualified for Boston next year. Um, so I just got PRP uh, I, before this past Boston, I found out that I tore my hamstring. And I, there was no way I wasn't gonna run it, so I got a cortisone shot and my sits bone, which holds a, that doesn't sound, yeah, no, it was not good.

And then my doctor was like, look, I really, I'm not, you know, this will get you through the race, but I really think your hamstring's torn. And I was like, I understand, but I gotta do this. Yeah. So I did it. My sister was really sick, like on the brink of death in December, and we didn't even discuss that, but I, I had to do, I had to do it, I had to do Boston and so after um, the mini this year I got p ped done when they take your blood and they separate out the plasma.

Okay. And then they inject the plasma into your tear to Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Your tend, because there's no blood flow in order to facilitate cell growth and healing, so. Mm-hmm. I didn't run for. I couldn't do anything for two weeks, but I, I didn't run for seven 'cause like I'm trying to, this is the most compliant I've ever been in my life.

Really? Yeah. I mean, I was injured after the rape and, and had battled chronic injury, but I, there was no way I could not not run. So, so I managed to plow through it for two years because the pain in my heart was definitely, definitely trumped the pain in my body. Yeah. And, uh, I think that's kind of how it's always been for me.

So it just, just make it happen. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so I think. I don't know. My siblings wanna do some Rocky Race in Philly. Like we, we all were like Rocky fans growing up and there's like different distances and you run up the stairs and my brother and sister live in Philly now and they're like, come on Lean, let's do the Rocky Race.

It would be really cool for all of us to do it together 'cause neither one of them run. Um, and then I saw that there was a Wonder Woman race Oh, in Chicago on October 21st. Oh. And my daughter is like a Wonder Woman fanatic, and I just thought it would be really cool to, that would be so cool. Do something like that and have her see me around.

But yeah, I don't really have anything on the dock yet. I was just trying to be compliant. Yeah. And see how the healing goes. I'm just getting back. I went to PBT last night and just ran like easy miles and, yeah. Yeah. We didn't even end up getting to talk about that either. That's okay. I'm sorry. That's okay.

I, I've always just wondered about, I really don't know. A lot about the elusive like P-B-T-P-B-T like tank, because it's like, for as an outsider, like I always see the tank tops tank. Oh yeah. And you're like, what's that? Well, Matt Ol Matt is the coach. Yeah. We do speed work on Tuesdays. Um, I started with PBT in 2014.

I had CC in 2013 in November, and I started the summer of 2014. And Matt's wonderful. I mean, it's not just for elites, although he does have, I mean, there's a fast, there's a lot of fast. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I am not, you know, I don't, Hey, Don myself, don't. No. Mm-hmm. M sorry, sorry, miss podium. Finisher on your age group.

I don't care. You can't tell me you're not fast. Uh, yeah. Well, you know, it's relative. Yeah. Uh, well, like you said before this episode will come out. July 28th. Eighth. I'm glad it all came together like that. That's really special. Yeah, me too. So this has been very cathartic. I'm sorry. I'm like not the most eloquent woman.

How can, I mean, I'm like trying to explain my life. It's, it's hard. Yeah. And if people want to find you, your leanie. L-E-E-N-I-E. 3 5 3 3 5 3. Yeah. On Instagram? Yeah. So, yeah, Leany my family. Like everybody calls me Leany. Leany. Yeah. Yeah. My, uh, the godmother of my children, William Godfather, their, uh, oldest daughter is Eileen.

Really? And they're a Catholic family too. Are they? Yeah. See? Eileen especially, I love the name, all the names. They're coming back. 'cause like, I had never met, I've never met an Eileen that's like my age. They're mainly like, you know, uh, silver. Yeah. What is that? Like, geriatric, like, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I mean it's like, you know my grandma's name and Yeah.

But it's very cool. Well, it's been so great getting to know you better. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. And happy running everybody. Have a good one.

Ally Brettnacher