Episode 14: Renae Saager - R.I.P. Other People's Expectations

Episodes

Jul 7

Listener note: This episode includes discussion of eating disorders, alcoholism and the sudden death of a parent.

Renae Saager spent years in the grip of bulimia, anorexia and alcoholism. Now 14 years sober, she coaches women to get ballsy, stop chasing perfect and stop worrying about who's watching.

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About this episode

Renae Saager is a life and confidence coach and host of The Ballsy Broadcast who moved to Indiana from Eastern Oregon about three years before we recorded. Renae and I first met while she followed me through the Indy Mini, but this was our first real sit-down conversation, and her energy is contagious.

Renae shares how a teenage drive to work out turned into anorexia, bulimia and alcoholism, two stints in rehab, and the sobriety she's kept for nearly 14 years. We talk about leaving nursing for Trader Joe's and then coaching, how her mom's sudden death pushed her to change her life, finding friendship through a women's trail running group in Portland, and why she's learned to stop chasing moderation. We also get into her gold metallic onesie, a new women's sprint triathlon group and one very memorable watermelon run.

In this episode, we discuss

Going viral on Instagram with a video of her dog and a peanut butter jar
Moving from Eastern Oregon to Indiana so her partner could stay close to his son
Shifting her coaching business from food and body work to getting ballsy
Becoming a mom at 35 after years of saying she never wanted kids
How restricting and overexercising as a teen led to bulimia
Drinking hard, rehab twice and nearly 14 years of sobriety
Why she stopped chasing moderation and learned to work with her all-in personality
Trying to be a nurse, working as a CNA and realizing it wasn't for her
Finding her people at Trader Joe's, where she met her partner
Personal training, bootcamps and moving into mindset coaching
Running her one and only marathon in Portland
Finding real friendship in a Portland women's trail running group and the Cactus to Clouds hike
Competing in triathlon and protecting her mental health in a new Go Girl sprint triathlon group
Losing her mom suddenly after a fall and how it changed her career and her relationship with food
Her gold metallic onesie and a mid-run emergency after too much watermelon

Chapters

Intro
Going viral on Instagram
Moving to Indiana and getting ballsy
Becoming a mom
Bulimia, anorexia and alcoholism
Rehab and 14 years sober
From nursing to Trader Joe's to coaching
Running, community and trail friends
Triathlon and keeping competition in check
Body image and raising kids
Losing her mom
The gold onesie
A watermelon emergency
Songs and what's next

Where to find Renae

Instagram: @renaesaager
Podcast: The Ballsy Broadcast

Mentioned in this episode

Races: OneAmerica Indy Mini Marathon, Portland Marathon, Hood to Coast Relay, Leadville Trail 100, Ragnar Relay, Go Girl Triathlon
Organizations and charities: Trader Joe's, Portland State University, Peloton
Other: The Ballsy Broadcast, Cactus to Clouds, Grand Canyon Rim to Rim to Rim, A Child Called It, Strava, Son of a Bitch by Nathaniel Rateliff

Previous guests mentioned

Alyssa Stickley (Episode 2)

Related episodes

Frequently asked

Who is Renae Saager?

Renae Saager is a life and confidence coach in Indiana, originally from Eastern Oregon, who hosts The Ballsy Broadcast and helps women let go of perfectionism and other people's expectations.

How long has Renae Saager been sober?

Renae Saager shared that she was approaching 14 years of sobriety after going to rehab twice for alcohol, and she draws on her recovery from eating disorders and alcoholism in her coaching.

What podcast does Renae Saager host?

Renae Saager hosts The Ballsy Broadcast, a podcast of short episodes about getting ballsy and going after what you want.

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Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically, so it may contain errors.

Welcome to Finish Lines and Milestones with Ally Brettnacher. Incredible stories and tales of triumph with everyday people achieving their goals and fitness. This podcast brought to you by Athlete Bouquets. Celebrate finish lines and milestones of the people that you love by visiting athletebouquets.com. Hey there, this is Ally Brettnacher, your host, and I am recording this. Because I'm in the midst of packing for a week at the lake. So when you listen to this, it'll be past the 4th of July holiday, but I will still be enjoying lake life. We go to Lake Wawasee which is in Northern Indiana and Syracuse. IN part of the week will be with family.

The other part will be just me, Zach and the girls and our dog Doug of course. So looking forward to some much needed lake time. And this episode so good. Renee Sager is my guest this week, and she is a riot. She has this amount of contagious energy and confidence that is truly unmatched. I don't know if I know anyone else really like Renee. And what's funny is this is our first kind of real conversation. We've actually met in person, ironically, at during a half marathon. We knew each other. And then this was our first like sit down, have have a conversation. So first of all, and I think I say this when I start the episode, but go follow her on Instagram, Renee Sager and you will just love, love her there.

And she recently went viral, which we talked about. We talked about the eating disorders she's dealt with in the past. We talked about her races she's done. All kinds of stuff. What is a, you know, life and confidence coach? Kind of how she works with her clients. We have. She has a couple of really wonderful songs at the end, but I know that you're really going to love this conversation with Renee because she's just so ballsy. That's a perfect way to describe you, Renee. And she also has a podcast, so it was fun to have her on the other side of the microphone interviewing her.

But her podcast is the ballsy broadcast, so go check that out as well. All right. Well, without further ado, please enjoy this conversation with my friend Renee. OK, we're doing it. We're doing it. It's happening. I'm here with Renee Sager, and I was just telling her this is, I think, our first, like, actual conversation. Yeah, I mean, aside from Dms and sharing memes or tagging each other and stuff on Instagram, I mean, yeah, this is this is kind of it. Yeah, or. What was that two years ago? The indie mini where I just following you the whole time? Yes, yes, that was fun, that was.

Fun. That was really fun. We should talk more about that. But anyway, yeah, welcome. Yeah. Thank you. Excited to be here. Well, and you're a podcaster yourself, so I feel like you're the expert here. You're going to crush it. And here I am, like, I still feel like I'm pretending to be a podcaster. So I don't know how many episodes in you get to where you're like, yes. I mean, what does that even? I mean, what is even a podcast? Like, what makes a podcast? You start a podcast, You have a frigging podcast. Like, you're in it. You're miles ahead of so many people that are still sitting on their couch like, Oh my God, I think I should do it.

No, you did it. You ripped it off. I loved it. I saw your post. You're like, I'm thinking about doing a podcast. I was like. Hell yeah. I think everyone should do a podcast because they're so fun and there is no like professional. I mean, I I just sit down and talk for 20 minutes once a week and I'm a podcaster, right? Like that's it. That's all there is to it. Well, and you just have. You have a voice for podcasting. If nobody's told you that, oh, surely somebody has. What do you mean like? I don't know. I like me. More. When I listen to you talk, I'm.

I like it. I don't know what else to say about that. So I hope. I hope the people listening today also love your voice. And this is just going to be so fun. If you don't already follow Renee on Instagram, you should. Are you just are you Renee Sager on Instagram? That's right. Okay RENAESAAGER. Go follow Renee because she's so funny. And you recently went viral. That was weird. About like over 5,000,000 views. Okay. So can I tell you too, literally the same day or the day before I posted a real that now has 122,000 views and I'm feeling like this superstar that I actually like.

Made it, you know? And then. Then you're here with like these millions. It's crazy, so you guys should go look at it. It's adorable video of her giving a cat or jar. It's not business related at all. It's about my dog licking a bull or a jar of peanut butter, which is what we do like once every two months or however long it takes us to go through a jumbo size thing of peanut butter. And it is on fire like every day. I have more every time I open Instagram. It's, you know, like when you you open Instagram and you get some likes or you see some comments or mentions, you're like, I don't know, for me, I'm like, who is it?

Who? Who is it? Who? Who did it? Who, who, who did this? But now it's just a bunch of Ding Dongs getting on there and they're like, you shouldn't do this for your dog. You're going to kill your dog. I'm like, shut. Up. Like there's just so many dumb comments, but it's still fun to open it up and see like nine people mentioned you this many people have shared this, many people commented. But yeah, it's not about my business at all. So it's so funny. Isn't that like how you could plan yes for months for your content and it never goes anywhere and then all of a sudden some random thing you do?

Yes, that's why. That's why. I keep reminding myself, you just gotta keep posting stuff cuz you just never know you. Never ever know. Yeah, so I'm feeling like a little bit of that fire because of my post I mentioned. And it's just, it's kind of fun. You're like, okay. What was yours? I'm gonna have to go look at it. Yeah, it's. And I've done this before. I've done videos, same thing, And for whatever reason, this one. And it's me coloring in North Dakota on my metal hanger I had this. Race metal hanger that has the United States. And then like all my Pr's and so after every race, now I've like I video myself like hanging at my bib in my metal.

And you know, in this case I was coloring in a new state. I guess that was exciting. I don't know. And so people like, we're all about it. And everyone's like, where'd you get it? I'm like, well, the Etsy store is closed. Maybe I need to start making, but I I don't. I need to focus, Renee. I need to just focus. I could. I'm always like, oh, I have so many ideas. You get it? You I. Totally get it. So anyways, anyways, yeah, so I want to allow you to give a quick introduction, and actually to be quick, I want people to get to know you a little bit before we.

Talk about running. And guys, we're probably going to talk about poop in this episode. I'm just putting it out there. I'm a little nervous about it cuz I don't know. I don't know if I'm gonna. I don't know you. Don't need to do it. Don't. You don't have to. There's a. You will know when the time is right. If it's not today, there's no pressure. Yeah, it's too. It might be too soon. Anyway, my sister and my mom listen to this and they know what I'm talking about anyway. Tell us who you are, Renee. Thank you for having me. Hi, I'm Renee. I moved to Indiana.

Almost three years ago from Oregon. I'm from Eastern Oregon and I moved over here because my partner has a son and the son's mom moved over here and he didn't want to do the part time dad thing. So I work for myself. So I was like. Okay, I guess. Let's go to Indiana. I had never been here before then, so we packed up my entire childhood home, sold it, sold everything, threw it into this huge like semi truck thing and they shipped it over. And then we drove with the dog across the United States and. Came to Indiana and so that was fun. Actually, it wasn't.

It was, it was fun. But the A/C, it was like 110 degrees going through Utah and the A/C in my car went out and the dog was hot. But other than that, it was actually, it was a very fun road trip and David drove the whole way, which was outstanding. I couldn't believe it, I think because he was like, Oh my God, I'm dragging her to Indiana. So I guess I have to drive and I. Was a fan of that, but so I I mentioned I work for myself. I have been running my own coaching business for five or six years. I think I I don't know how to do math, and I work with women around food, body perfectionism.

I'm kind of in the middle of a little bit of a niche shift, so I really was hitting the food and body stuff hard for the first five or six years and I'm kind of reducing that a little bit and stepping more into the like. Ballsy Broads. Like that's my whole stick now. Like getting ballsy. Because truly, that's the thing. When I was working with women for five or six years and I knew this too, because I struggled with bulimia and anorexia and alcoholism and all of the things that you can abuse or do to the extreme. I've done and it's never about that. It's about.

Not speaking up. It's about this idea of having to be perfect, this idea that other people actually care what you're doing. Or if you don't do it right and no one cares, no one cares. You know this. You have a sticker. No one cares, right? Like, that's the whole thing. Nobody cares. And so it's just like, all right, now let's do it. Like, what do you need to say? What do you need to do? Why are you in a job that you hate? Why are you in relationships that don't satisfy you? Why aren't you going after the thing? Why aren't you wearing the clothes and and just like.

Stepping into that, because once you take that little step in and you realize the world doesn't stop, nobody stops and points and laughs at you. All of your people don't leave you. No one even really notices. You're like. What? So if I could do that, what else can I do? And it is like wildfire in the best way freaking possible. And so that's kind of what I do in my business now. And in addition to that, I am a new mom. I had a baby, a couple 3-4, three or so four months ago, and it's been a trip. I never thought I wanted Kids like the whole entire time David and I were in a relationship, I was like.

Hell no. There's no way I'm not ruining my life. I'm too selfish. I love my time too much. I love having money too much. I don't want anything to do with this. And then my brother had a baby and I went over and held his baby. And I I feel a little bamboozled by this because I didn't realize that this is like a normal thing, which I feel so stupid even saying this. I didn't realize that when you hold a baby. Often times it's normal to be like, I got a big thingy. This is so cute. It's so nice. That happened for me. And then like, two months later I got pregnant.

I was like, Oh my God, I love this baby. I think I want a baby. And then I was pregnant. And then the next time I went to see my brother, the baby was older and like, walking around and I was like, oh shit, what did I get into? How old? How old is David's son? He his birthday is tomorrow and he'll be 12. OK, 12. OK, so he was older. Like when you OK and? Yeah, if you were like me, I was never really around babies a lot girl either. So I I I don't think what you said was stupid. That you hold a baby, want a baby.

I actually haven't experienced that either, mainly because I just never really held them a lot until. Yeah, that was my. First, like at 30. Five. That was the first time aside from like 1415, when I was like, I want to be a mom. And then I was like, ugh, no thanks. Like keep your baby. They're boring and weird. And I just, I don't. I have, like, I had zero reaction to babies. I was just like, why? And then it was some some reason about my nephew. I was like, oh, my gosh. And I think just seeing my brother be so happy and I was like, I want that.

And so here I am with that. And so I have a baby and I have a yellow lab. Her name is Penny. And I love her so very much. Honey. Yeah. And so that's kind of me in a nutshell. Holy shit, Renee. Like, it's. I don't even know. Yeah, where to start because like all that you've been through and overcome to get to where you are now is amazing. I don't know. I hope, think that way. Well, not really. I think because when we're in it, I think everyone, I think if we sat down and talked to anyone about their life, there will be things that you're like, whoa, I cannot believe you've done that.

I can't believe you've overcome that. I can't believe you went through that. I can't believe you survived that. And The thing is, is that this is the same thing about getting ballsy. And like what I do in my business is just you underestimate yourself all of the time. You're like, I could never. I could never. How do you do that? It's like, bitch, when you don't have a choice, you just get up there and you do it. Okay. Like when the world is falling down around you and you just you just do it and you don't think about how do you do it. And I think that moms especially like being a new mom.

I mean, I have such a new respect for anyone that's a mom because it's just like. Oh my gosh. I had no idea how much you were doing. How do you do it? I mean, you have two kids. I'm like, how do you do it? And you're probably just like you just do it. You don't think about it. You just do it. You survive. You get through it. You go. It's like you when you're in the middle of a run, you don't think at mile 2, how am I going to do mile 50 or 20 or 10, right? You're just like, okay, here we go.

I'm just going to keep going. I'm just going to keep putting 1 foot in front of the other. And I think that that's really just kind of how I I move through life. Two is just OK. Yeah, I went through that and that and that and that and that. And I think that every single thing that I've been through has built my own degree of selfconfidence and selftrust to the point of, like, I mean, I I hate to say this because I don't want the world to be like, Oh yeah, well, let's see about that. But I really don't feel like there's much that I can't handle.

I really feel like I can take on so many things and not like the Grit and Barrett and push through, but like. Ask for help, cry, you know take time off. Like there's just there's, I feel a confident that I can take anything on because of the stuff that I've already been through and and that degree of certainty in myself. Which just makes everything so much more fun, which gives me the ability to take those risks, which gives me the ability to put myself out there because I'm like, what's the worst that's going to happen? Like they don't like me. Okay. I've I I didn't.

I spent a long time not liking myself like okay. Well, been there, done that. I love that. Well, I I want to know a little bit more about the how of going through the things that you mentioned, bulimia, anorexia, alcoholism. Yeah, that's those are like that's a lot of things. How did you? How did you live through that? How and just talk a little bit more about, you know what, what that experience was? Yeah. So it started in a really common path for a lot of people that go through because these three, anorexia, bulimia, alcoholism are not uncommon for people that struggle with these things.

They kind of build on each other. So it started with just wanting to start working out, you know, I was in my teens. And I was like, oh, you know, I'm becoming more aware of my body. And there was a little bit of stress at home. I didn't have like, a traumatic childhood or anything like that. But there was just like my parents ended up getting divorced. So there was tension and just, you know, I was starting to become more aware of my body and boys and blah, blah, blah. And so I just started working out. My dad's always been into fitness. He had a gym in our basement my entire life.

He always has drank a green smoothie that he's blended in the morning my entire life. He's always taken a ton of supplements. And so it was, I was kind of like primed to just move right into that. And so I started working out. And when you're in your teens, your body is very responsive to that, to changing your food and your exercise. And you know, in in typical all or nothing fashion, like I lost a little bit of weight. I got some compliments and I was like, this is easy. Like people are giving me praise for this for like working out and not eating bread.

I can do this way better. And so I just kept going and going and going and it it went from, oh, this is fun to like. I don't have a choice. It's this obsession. It is a compulsion. How few of calories can I eat? How low can my weight get? How many extra miles can I run? How many more calories can I burn? And it was just like every day I woke up. And I just it I was so tightly wound, I was just like OKI have to run because I have to burn the calories and then I have to do this and everything was just like super regimented, super strict, super structured and it was just very robotic.

And you can only restrict and over exercise for so long you either eat or you die essentially. Like that's kind of what happens and I ended up. Eating and it turned, you know, it's it's it was kind of slow. Like I started with nightly binging and like, why can't I stop eating? What's going on? Why am I doing this? I I must need to cut back more. I must need to work out harder. And it ended up turning into bulimia. Like I I would get so full at night. Like they were just full on night binges. I mean, I googled can I rip my stomach because I would eat so much in the evenings and it was so out of control.

Like, it wasn't cute, Like I'm just going to eat some chips or I ate like 4 slices of pizza. No, it was like ravenous. Like if I heard someone coming, I wanted to kill them because I was. I was just, it was this animalistic nature where I was just like like eating everything because I was literally starving. And you know, that shifted to bulimia. And you know, I was in the throes of bulimia, like hardcore, like binging and purging 1015 times a day, hundreds of dollars spent on food a week. I mean, just insanity. And that was when I started to discover alcohol because I was like.

Because how old were you at that time? I was bulimic from like 17 to late 20s, so I started throwing up at 17 and I quickly discovered alcohol. I never drank because I was too obsessed with calories. I was like, oh, I don't want to get fat, so I'm not going to drink. But what I realized was that when I started drinking, it gave me what food wasn't really offering me anymore, which was like quiet. I was like, oh, this drink. Makes everything quiet and it makes me not want to eat. So win, win. Like I get to chill out. I finally get to sit and relax because I was so just strung out on life and just crazy.

I couldn't sit. I could not sit down and watch a TV show. I could not sit down and have a cup of coffee. I was just insane. I had to be going and doing all of the time. I was obsessed about how I looked. I was. I was just so. On edge all of the time. And so that was when I started drinking and I drank the way that I ate and I drank and the way that I worked out which was like balls out, like let's fucking go. And I drank hard and fast. I drank to black out. And I mean, it took me a year to I, maybe a year and a half before I was.

I mean, I was. An extreme drinker, I had cirrhosis. I started developing cirrhosis of the liver within a year and a half of starting to drink. So I mean I was like, I was crazy. It was crazy and I went to rehab a few times for food and for drinking. I kind of flip-flopped between the two. And was that on your own accord or did your family, like, want you to or force you to? I guess it was, I mean. I was encouraged, lovingly encouraged, to go. You know, I started with food rehab for food treatment, eating disorder treatment, and I was like, okay, I'll go because I really hated it too.

I hated binging and purging. I hated obsessing. I wanted to just. I remember being in the car on the way to treatment for the first time, crying to my mom because I was like, I just want to eat a bowl of cereal. Like, I just. I just want that, but I can't because I'm thinking about the carbs and I'm thinking about the sugar and I'm thinking about what I'm going to eat later. And I'm thinking about if what if I'm hungry? And it was that moment that I think she realized, like, just how awful it was for me because I I couldn't just, you know, you see, and I would see people do, like, share a bite of something or take a lick of someone's ice cream cone.

And I was like, how do you do that? How do you do that and not think about gaining weight or the calories or how do you do that and then not go binge by yourself in the dark like. I couldn't imagine it. And so that was, you know, I tried backing out on the way there, and my mom's like, no, let's go. And I was severely underweight. And so I went. And then I went back like a year later, and that was when I had started drinking. But it wasn't too, too bad yet. And then, you know, when I went off to college at 18, that was when it was just like, I mean, I was.

Off the off the rails there was, I mean, I had a buffet, the meal plan thing. So I was like binging and purging all day in the meal thing. And then I was asking random people older than me if they'd buy me. I started drinking half gallons of Potter's vodka because it was the most I could get. So I wouldn't have to ask people like once a week to buy me more alcohol. Like, you know, I was Cree. I was. Managing my entire life around OKI have to work out so this time and then I'm going to binge and purge. OK And then I'm going to start drinking.

OK And that was that was how I I managed my life. I ended up dropping out of college because I was not in the state for that. And then you know, my drinking was, I mean it was dangerous. It was I was wrecking cars. I was driving drunk all of the time. I mean I was unsafe. I shouldn't have been around and so. The rehab for that was kind of definitely more forced than the the food. I mean, my mom and dad, they both ended up kicking me out because I just, I wrecked everything. I mean, I stole from them. I I any just crazy behavior.

And so they were like, no, you're going or you don't stay here. And I had nowhere else to go. No friends wanted anything to do with me. I had burned all of the bridges and so I went to rehab. Twice. I went to rehab two times. And the first one, you know, I started drinking like 3 months after I got out of that because I really did think that I just needed to, like, dry out. I really, I really did. And I think honestly, my parents kind of did too because they're like, I think that she's just in a phase. I think that she just needs to, like, get this out of her system.

Let's get her back on track. And then she can drink moderately. And then it was like, oh, there's. No off switch for her. Like it is go time. And so I went again and I've been sober since then so I'll have 14 years next month. So that is very exciting. So yeah, but like the drinking thing, No, I never would have gotten sober unless I had to, for sure. Because I love being fucked up in all of the ways. Like, I still drink too much caffeine from time to time because I love that feeling. I love running and working out because I love that feeling.

And I, you know, I think that that's. Something I just want to hit on too is that for so long I feel like I was looking for moderation, like just moderate it. Just I don't do well with moderation in a lot of things. And I felt a lot of shame and guilt for that for so long. But I'm just that way. I mean, that's just my personality and I kind of love a lot of that about me because I'm very enthusiastic. I'm very excited. When I see something I love, I go after it. I'm not just like a dead fish. That's just like, OK, well this is what we do.

Like I have a lot of energy and it's all over the place and I've learned to work with it. So I know myself now to be like, yeah, I'm going to do this and I it it can take off sometimes I'm going to watch it. But like instead of searching for this like super balanced and moderated life, I'm like, no, I'm going to probably drink too much caffeine and sometimes I'm going to do this and that and it's just I have more grace for myself because I just. I don't know. That's just kind of part of who I am. And it's so much easier for me to work with me instead of shove it into this like mold.

I mean, kind of like my brother. My brother is very he's worked in the same job for like, I don't know, 10 years or something like longer than I've done anything in my entire life besides binging and purging. But he and he's like just followed a very straight and narrow path and I just have tried for. Ever to be on that path and I admire people that can. This is not bashing them like I wish that I could but I've tried so many times. I it's not in my brain. It's not in my body and so. We and we need that balance. We need those people that can just be very consistent and very even keeled.

And we need crazy people like us that are just all over the place and like that's what the beauty of of life is, that we need all of those mixtures. And so that was a big part is just like knowing myself and trusting myself and stop like no longer trying to put myself into this like, OK, this is how I need to act to be happy and have people respect me and da da da da da. Yeah, This is when I like, I don't know, I want to start clapping and cheering because I'm like, yes, I I mean for so long. I was in software sales for like a decade.

And you know, I did like it. But I do feel like part of the reason I did it was because I felt like that's what I should be doing. And I was supposed to work in technology because my parents were in technology. And so I needed to just like climb the corporate ladder or, you know, like have my own software business and. I just felt like that's what I needed to do. That's what people expect me to do. And you know, I it took the pandemic for me to really realize, OK, like you don't have to do that. I just, I I kind of realized how miserable I was at that time.

I want to talk about how you kind of did that from a professional standpoint because you were going to be a nurse. Yeah, I wanted. I was like, I yeah, I wanted to be like a doctor or something because I wanted it. I wanted, again, the like, very respectable, high salary. Yeah. Bow to me. I'm amazing at what I do. Like, that's what I thought I wanted. Yeah, so I was going to school. And I tell you what, Allie, I suck at school so bad. I mean, I had the, I think there's like a statute of limitations for cheating in school. So I don't know.

But I had all the tests with all of the answers, and I could not. I still could not pass that damn anatomy and Physiology class. I took it three times, and finally I got through with a C. And I think the teacher at Mr. Cop just like, took mercy on me. He's like, God, get this girl out of my class. And so I finally made it and I had. I got my CNA license and I was up. I applied to some nursing schools. I had been working in the medical field for like 5 years or so. I was a CNAI, worked in chemical dependency, I worked in renal dialysis.

I worked in Med surge. And I. I hated it. I hated it. You know, I always thought like 03/12 hour shifts. That's amazing because then you have four days off. No, it's freaking terrible because you spend the whole day before dreading the 12 hour shift, then you get home and you're exhausted and then by the end of your three days on, you're so tired you can't do anything for the 4th day besides sleep. I mean, it's just it was not for me and I thought, I thought I was going to love it. I also wanted a very respectable job, like everyone when I told them I'm going into.

Nursing or I'm applying for nursing or I want to be a nurse. They're like, oh, my gosh, I you're going to be so great at that. You're so caring. You're going to be so good at. I was like, did you even know each other? Like, I am not that. Not my personality, but but like that was the feedback I would get. And so it was just this confirmation of like, yeah, this is the right path. This is the right path. And finally when I I ended up going to treatment when I was working in nursing because I was so. Miserable. Like, I'm not saying that our job is why we binge and have food things or compulsively do things, but it wasn't helping.

Basically what was happening is my life was not fitting who I was. And with that, I believe that we then reach for things to pretend that everything is okay. So instead of changing my job, instead of being like, you know what? I'm actually? Very unhappy. I was like, I'll just go home and eat like 12 cinnamon rolls at the end of my shift and it'll be fine and I'll go to work tomorrow and I'll just keep pushing through because this is what I need to do. But that's like, I got to the point where I just reached. I couldn't do it anymore like I was.

I just went to my boss and I said, listen, I have to go to treatment. She's like, what? You're you have an eating disorder. Because I looked very normal at this point. And I was like, yeah, I'm like shoving Graham crackers in my pockets. I'm stealing patients food. I'm a psycho. I I have to go to treatment and she's like, okay, sure, whatever. And when I was in treatment, I was like, I can't go back. Like I'd had that space without it. I was like, I can't like every ounce of my body. I was like, I cannot. Go back to this job and the people there were phenomenal.

The pay was great, the benefits were good. I was on a great path. It all made sense. And I was like, why can't I just be normal? Why can't I just go to this great job with these amazing people and be happy? But I couldn't. And that was when I ended up going to Trader Joe's and it was like. It's the first I speak so fondly of this. They've restructured a lot. And so I don't think it's as good as it was when I work there. Unfortunately, benefits are less and, you know, I've just heard stories from people that have worked there. But when I was there and I worked and it was like my first day and I walked in and people were insane, looking like they were loud, they were dancing, they were swearing, they were eating, they were.

I mean just, I was like, this is exactly where I need to be, like. I I've never, ever, ever felt that in the way that I did. But I was like, I belong here. These people are insane and I'm here for it. And so I worked there for three or so years and it was great. I loved it. I left once. I tried to get another, like, professional job as a kind of social worker. I hated it and went back to Trader Joe's and. I I just got to the point like I could have worked for at Trader Joe's for much longer, but I just, I got to the point where I was like nothing is terrible.

I just want something. Different I was like. I just feel like I'm not utilizing skills that I have. I feel like I'm not being challenged and pushed. In the ways that I, with my personality, need and like to be, I can clock in, I can clock out, I could put the beans on the shelf, I can stack the meat, I can do the produce. It's fine. And I want a little bit more, I want a little bit better, I want a little bit more excitement. And so I made the very tough decision to leave Trader Joe's, which is where, at the time, all of my best friends worked there, my partner worked there.

That's how we met. That was gonna be one of my next questions I. Was wondering, yeah. And then I moved back to Eastern Oregon and I was like, I don't really know what I want to do, but I know I like working out. I know I like helping people. And so I got my personal training certificate. I ran a gym over there, I did personal training, and then I got into coaching. And I've never, like I always said, I was a terrible personal trainer because I was like, I just don't care about these moves. I don't know, like just whatever, just grab a weight, let's just do whatever.

But it turns out like all of these people from my in my town really like that because they were like, I don't want to get shredded, but I just want to move my body and perfect. And so I did some boot camps for a couple years and it was so fun. It was just like dancing and loud music and games and. Oh my gosh. It was a blast. But I just again, I was like, I don't know. This isn't like I just don't care work out or like whatever. I don't I'm not going to weigh you. I don't give a shit about your body fat percentage or how much you can squat like.

So then I got into the coaching and the mindset piece and I was like, that's what I love because I've always loved like early early on my. I think my mom was probably terrified of like what I was going to be like when I grew up because I loved the just. Dark. Like, do you remember a child called it that book. Did you ever read that He was like, heavily abused. Just awful. Just terrible. And I read all of them. I was like, I love these books and so any books about just trauma, depressing, sadness, I was like, let's go because I just love the psyche that goes into it.

And I, you know, I I love people overcoming stuff. I love all of that and. So I got into coaching and you know, I was like, well, I might as well put what I've been through to good use. And I started working with people around food and body and, you know, changing their relationship to that and why we do it. And just, you know, also going into treatment, I was like, wow, they did a terrible job for helping me with my food stuff and treatment because they're just like just eat this food, just gain weight, it's fine. And I think that that's the what a lot of people do with either weight gain or weight loss where it's like, here, just eat this.

Plan and and lose this weight and then you're going to be good. But it's the same thing with my job, you know, in nursing where I was like no meal plan on the planet was going to make me like a job that I hated. And so it's like, it's not the food. The food is the symptom. That's the easiest. It's the lowest hanging fruit, whether it's food, whether it's, you know. Porn, whether it's drinking, whether it's what at online shopping, it's like something isn't right in our life. And so instead of looking at it and addressing it, we're just, let's just grab onto that, let's just grab onto that.

And so no plan was going to help me. And so then I got into that and that's been that's been how I found this little path for myself. Yeah, it's your energy. You would make a fabulous peloton instructor, by the way. Like, I would eat it up because you'd just be like. You know, and you just the realness of you is just so wonderful. I feel like I could get down with that be like, I don't give a shit if you do another round. If you feel like you need to sit, that's fine, you know. Whereas some of them like just Sims is like good at like, let's go, you must, you know, we're going to get another round, which I need to.

I need the ballot. Yeah. So where does running fit in? Where did when did you start? Because we talked about fitness. You loved exercising. So was running always a part of that? Yes. When did you start, Oh my gosh, start doing like races? Yes. So my relationship with exercise has been very weird because once you abuse exercise and like do it solely to burn calories and change the way your body looks, it's hard to get back into it and not have it be that because you're like it just, it was for me. So I started, you know, at 14 with soccer. I've always been active.

I've always played sports. And so I started running then and then like, it's just been up and down, up and down, up and down and. I had to take many periods of of breaks because I was like, oh, I'm getting crazy with it again. Like I'm obsessing over the watch. I'm obsessing over the steps. I'm obsessing over this. And so I've had to completely step back. And I feel in such a good place now with it that I really never thought I could be because I I used to hear people say, like you, I don't actually work out to change my body. I was like, well, you're a liar, so shut up.

Like I there was no part of my body that believed. Anyone that said that was like you're a liar. Yeah. Why else would you do that Give me a break. If I didn't have to work out just pass the chicken Nuggets like I'm good you know. But now I'm I'm that weirdo. I'm like Oh my gosh. I just love it. It's so fun. So I got into running. I mean for I've always been a runner and races and events always stress me out and I but I still do them. So I I, you know I started doing I did my. One and only marathon because it was terrible in Portland and I was like never again.

But that was cool. I'm glad I did it. And you know, it's just, it's really been a way for me to socialize because I'm not good at like normal socializing. I I don't like to stay up late. It takes a lot for me to just like get out of the house and go to an event. I don't drink. So that's like that's all people want to do when you're out socializing. So running has just been such an easy way for me to just, oh, OKI get to move, my brain gets to be a little bit more quiet. I get to just be myself. I get to meet other people that like to do this same thing.

So they're we're already kind of connected in a certain way. And I think that that's. A main reason why I kept doing it was because I, you know, I moved to Portland and I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know anyone. And so I just kind of started running. And then I like these people just kind of started trickling in. And then the way that it goes, you know, they're like, well, do you know so and so have you done this group? Have you joined that thing? And it was phenomenal. And I think I really got into a trail running, especially was when a group of gals in Portland started a women's running group.

It was like 6 weeks. It was called the YE Sisterhood. Sarah, Foot and Jen started it and I was so nervous, like I thought about bailing every single time because I remember going into the the group because I still like my relationships with girlfriends have never been great. I've never, you know? Growing high school was a nightmare, Middle school was a nightmare. And then I started restricting. And so I was like, I don't need anybody. I can just restrict and work out my I'm fine. And so making friends was never my strong suit. And I remember walking up to this group and I heard this.

Beautiful babe on a phone and she's like, she had long hair. Her name's Amy and I still know her, I'm friends with her. But she had like this beautiful hair, a beautiful body. She had a dog in the dog park and she's like I'm starting this like 6 week running thing and I was like, are you kidding me? Like I'm going to be in a group of people that look like her. I am leaving. Like, I was so close to leaving because she was so gorgeous and she's so nice and so sweet. But I'm so glad I got into that because it got me into trail running.

And it was the first time I feel like in my adult life where I met other women, that I was like, I think that. I think that I have friends like. I think I like. I think they like me. I think I like them like. Oh my gosh, this is amazing. And it felt so good because then we'd start, you know, after the hat it, it turned into a bigger group. It has since closed, but I'm still friends with a lot of those people. I still know a ton of those people. And that was the first time where I was like, I love this. And we did my favorite, favorite vacation I think I've ever done.

Well, maybe not ever. I've taken some cool ones, but it's like, it's up there. It was cactus to clouds where we rented this big Airbnb in Palm Springs and we did this massive hike slash run up a mountain and it was, I think it was only 13 1/2 miles, but it was up like it and there were so many switch backs. I mean we started sweating. By the time we got to the top, there was, it was like. Freezing. We went up so high and it was exhausting and it was what I live for. Like when you're tired, you're angry. You're eating cold pizza at the top.

You can't wait to get down. You can't. I mean, it was my favorite. And then the next day we just swam and barbecued. I loved that. I loved the community. I loved the camaraderie. I loved pushing myself physically. We also did the Grand Canyon, the gals did rim to rim to rim. I did not. I was not. So I was not set up for that. But still same thing. We rented a beautiful house, we went out, we saw the Grand Canyon, we did hard things with other people. We pushed our limits. I mean, it was phenomenal. So that was where I really got into running.

And that's, that's really why I love. It is I love. The connection I I put a lot of pressure on myself because I just started this new triathlon group which I'm we can talk about. But we did it. We did a time trial yesterday and I was like I'm totally just going to be chill and I'm and then he's like okay go. I was like. I mean, I did not know that that was coming, but I was like, well, I don't have a choice. I just have to go and but I'm just, I'm really excited to be there to just meet other people again because it's different ages, different sizes, different levels and it's just it's so fun for me to be able to to connect and get to see other people doing really hard things.

I just, I love it more than anything, you know, I get to crew a friend in Leadville. And that was my first hundred that I've ever been at. And it was incredible, like just to be there. To see people pushing themselves, to see people crying, throwing up, being excited, like watching people cross. I getting goosebumps just watching people cross the finish line. Like, I have zero desire to ever do that. But I will cheer the shit out of you and I will do whatever I can to help you, because I think it's phenomenal when when people do that kind of stuff. So that's really why I love.

Running and the sport and just all of just like the pushing yourself. OK, Renee. When when I do a Ragnar, you are in my van. Yes. Oh my gosh. So I've done the coast a few. Times, too. So that and they're super fun. They're the relays are are so fun. I've never done. I'm so intrigued by it. My friend Alyssa did one last year and I was supposed to do it, and then I couldn't. And I really want to. And so I, like, slowly, slowly started recruiting. And so now it's just like, how the hell do we? Like find a race that, whatever. You know how that goes.

But we will. I would, I mean, so fun. That would be amazing. Amazing. And then I've seen, so wait, actually I wanted to ask you what? What's the name of the triathlon group? Is there like a name? To it's go girl, go girl. Yeah, it's a women's only triathlon. That's a Sprint. So I've done 3 Olympic triathlons in the past. Yeah, and I didn't even know what this distance was until last night. I was like, what is this anyways? What am I doing? But it's a yeah, it's a Sprint. So I'm not really that that worried about it, which not to sound like full of myself, but I feel like I can't do this tomorrow.

So but I'm excited to meet new people and just. That's so cool. Yeah. Yeah. I have done, I think, just one Sprint at Eagle Creek. Yes, this is the one. Is that where it is? Okay. Yeah. So they it's been like, at least probably like a decade. It was a really long time ago, cuz I was really. I've been into running for a while, but I wanted to do something a little different. But I suck at swimming and so triathlon really isn't my I. Suck at it too. It's so terrible. But that's why I love it. Right. Yeah, that's fair. Fair enough. And then you're also into peloton a little bit, at least.

And I saw a recent post that made me laugh. It's like, we can't. You peloton friends. No. Tell me. Tell me why. Tell me why. Again, it's like that competitive when when other people are watching and and like, oh, I just, I feel like then I have to perform and a lot of the times I I get So I don't want to cool down. I don't want to cool down or I have to hop off like 2 minutes before the end and it's like why did you leave early? I'm like. Oh, my gosh. Get off my back. Like, I just have to go. Like, I have to pump her.

I have a baby. And it's like, why didn't you finish in this feedback? And I just, I just want to do it for me. I'm not on Strava. I don't want to know what you're doing. I don't care. I don't want you to know what I'm doing. Leave me alone. And that's just how I want it to be. So do you have like a super secret leaderboard name then that nobody knows? It's my old Instagram, so I was Ginger Swagger forever on Instagram. I like that Renee has red hair. Yeah, well, you will know once you follow her, because you must. Yeah, yeah. And so I just, I just picked that up.

But I'm like private, so people can't friend me. Yeah, that's. There you go. You have zero friends. You have. Zero. Yeah, Yeah. Nobody. None. Leave. Me alone, leave me alone. I'm like the complete opposite. I'm like, give me high fives like let's race. You know, I might get into it. I might see. Here's the thing with me is I my toxic trait is saying I hate something and I'm never going to do it. And then I do it and I love it. So, like, don't ever listen to me because I'm probably going to change my mind. Yeah, probably. Oh, I did the Portland Marathon and that's.

I'm never doing that again. Yeah, I'll totally do one. I'll probably do it. Yeah, Were you were you binging during that time when you? Trained for marathon? Yeah, totally my triathlon. The first one I did. Yeah, it's so hardcore. Like, I can't believe I'm still alive, but my triathlon, when I got, when I was training for it, it got like, I stopped binging and I just kind of went back into restriction mode and I was shredded. I was in the best shape of my life, like low, low body fat, like abs. I mean I was getting cut and I the the annoying thing is I felt fucking amazing and I was like.

Dang it, you know. And I hate that. It's such a doubleedged sword. And when I did the after the triathlon, like I I calmed down. I was kind of almost, I feel like in a manic phase where I was like working out twice a day. I would run 12 miles and then I would lift in the evening and like it was just over the top and. You know, you can only do that for so long. Something's going to give. And so I feel like, you know, after the triathlon, I went right back into binging and purging and it was worse. Like, I remember my mom came up.

My mom has died that we can talk about that too. But my mom came up before she had died. And she was like, Oh my gosh, I, you know, and I was a mess. I was crying. I was like, I can't stop binging and purging. I don't, I don't know why this happened. She's like, I don't care if you never do another event in your life, Renee, like, this is not worth it. You don't need to do this. You don't need to prove this to anything. You don't need to win anything. And that was the thing, too, is when I did it, I got second place and I qualified for nationals.

And then the second one I did, I think I got. Top three or four and then the second one I placed first and I was like and so then it's just this it. Feeds you and. The thing with this new group is, like, I really, and I have to know this about myself, is I have to be like, OK, like I have to talk, do so much selftalk people. When I work with clients, they're like, I feel crazy because I have all these like 2 voices in my head. I was like, welcome to the club. Like every day it's, you know, there's old Renee and then there's future Renee and two.

Voices. I've got like a handful. Yeah, and you have to like really I I have to really talk myself through and just like okay. If I even if I don't PR this smile, even if I don't place and just sometimes I have to make myself just stop and walk. If I feel like it's getting crazy, I'm like, okay, I'm, you know what, I'm going to make myself go down on the leaderboard. You don't have. To getting crazy with it. I don't. I'm not. It's losing the fun. It's becoming this aggressive like and that's something that's so. Encouraged in our society and our culture like, Oh my gosh, wow.

You're so you can really push. You can really. You're so amazing. Yeah. And I mean, you know, it's a fine line like so do we never tell people congratulations when they get first. I mean it's so weird, you know, to know what to do and say. And that's why I think it's important that we always just come back to ourselves and what we need to do. And so that's the thing with this Sprint try that I'm doing is they gave us a training plan And I hate training plans. I will not follow it 100% not going to do it. But I will show up on Tuesdays for the group because that's just like my hit of community.

I don't get out a lot. Again, I'm not social. I don't go to the bars, I don't drink, I don't do networking things. So it's like I'm going to get out of the house, I'm going to talk to another human being, I'm going to actually have something to talk to my partner about in the evenings because normally it's like, well, I just like. Watch the lady. And like, fed the baby. Yeah. So I'll have something to talk about. And that's that's what I I want to do. And I have to remind myself of that. Yeah man. I I mean I relate to so much of what what you've shared and I think I I'm like every woman has to how can you not I don't know like every.

And that's why I love being alive today because I feel like finally there's like you can finally say that you can finally be because because it's actually now accepted. In a way, right. I mean, I know we got a lot of, there's plenty, you know, ways to go. But yeah, I mean like Renee, in college, I shared a little bit about that my first episode. My relationship with exercise at first was very unhealthy. Like I played sports growing up. When I got to college, I would run on the treadmill like twice a day. I would go to group fitness. I would keep track. I still, I have this journal.

I found it at my parents House of all the calories, like and I would and I would. I mean, even a mint, a fucking peppermint. I would write in my journal and it was like, oh, 25 calories for this peppermint doctor's office or like, whatever. And I would, I would make sure that I had enough calories to then be able to drink that night. Like I was like, okay, I'm not gonna eat all day so that I can drink. And then at night, I would like go to the fridge, like my my bedroom was on the first floor of our house and so I'd like go in the kitchen.

I would eat like here and there. But I I mean, I never was to the extreme sense where I would make myself throw up or I was never diagnosed with anything. But I I mean, I I had a problem and I definitely see it very clear looking back. But at the time in college, so many girls cared so much about their body and it was like I felt very normal in doing that. And so, gosh, I and having a two daughters, like, OKI got to make sure that, you know, I never want to comment about my body in front of them. I never want them to hear me commenting about anybody's bodies.

Like if, you know, Sydney at one point was like, oh, that Lady has a really fat belly. And I'm like, OK, how do we, how do we talk about this? Right. It's like, hey, we don't comment on people's bodies because everybody has a different body. Yeah, I do that with Henry. I mean, he's a 12 year old boy. He's like, oh, she's so bad that I'm like, well, let's talk about this because they they learn this from cartoons, from YouTube, from movies, right. Like and so it's, I have a lot of hope for people our age and our kids because it's just, I know my mom tore her body apart.

She died in my entire life. When she died, I threw away boxes of Nutrisystem diet food. I mean. She just like. Always. Always. And so I'm so. Excited for the, you know, the generation under us because we just know so much more. We, like you said, we can talk about it now like our for sure our moms were thinking that stuff, but it was so normal and accepted to just always be on a diet. Hate your body, tear your body apart that that's what we all do. That because it's what we think we should. Anytime we go out to lunch with someone and they're like, I shouldn't eat this, I can't.

I've been so bad. They're not saying that stuff because they like to. They're not saying that stuff because they enjoy it. They're saying that stuff because. Because they think they should. They're like, okay, I know. They know that I've gained weight. So I'm going to tell them, I know I shouldn't be eating this and I know this is bad and I know I should make up for tomorrow, but. Just save it. You don't need to. Just like, yeah? You don't need to. Yeah, yeah. How did your mom die? She fell off a ladder while she was painting in our garage. And yeah, she, I had talked to her that morning on no Facebook Messenger.

And David and I had broken up and we had just gone back together. And I was like, hey, mom, good morning, Dave. And I think we're getting back together. And she's like, oh, that's so great. I'm, you know, I got a day of painting ahead. And I was like, hey, love you, love you too. Bye. And I was studying for finals at Portland State. And my brother called me. I was in the library. And he's like, the only person I answer when he calls. And so I was like, OK, I'll answer. And he's like, hey, Nayes, what's going on? I was like, oh, just studying for finals.

And he's like, well, I just, you know, need you to know that mom fell. And I was like, mom fell like, tripped like what? What do you mean? Right. Like, she like, she works. She golfs. She's not. She's like 60s. She like. What he's like and it's not very good. I was like, I don't know what you're talking like, what is going on? He's like, yeah, she's in Walla Walla and you know, we don't know anything. And just like the severity of the situation kind of hit me and I just picked up my stuff and I was like okay, I'm coming and I got in my car and I started driving back to Walla Walla and then they called me later and said she was doing worse and they were life lighting her to Seattle.

So then I had to turn around and I had to go the other way. And I think she probably didn't have an autopsy done or anything, but I think what happened was she either had a stroke or an aneurysm while she was on the ladder. And then the force of she fell off the top of the ladder while she was painting and hit her head on the concrete floor and between the two, Yeah, she was on life support and we took her off life support. And yeah, just like that blink of an eye. And that was a really. Bit like after I went through the year of just like crying and my life falling apart and doing all that, like picking myself back up.

That was like a big indicator of changing my career because I was like, I don't want to be misery and my relationship with food where I was like. Oh my God. For the last 15 years, all I have done is try to maintain or lose weight, like maintain a certain body, build a bigger butt, get smaller, you know, thighs or get a tighter waist or something. And it's like, holy shit, my mom died on a diet hating her body and she's been doing it for, I don't know, 25 years. I mean there's just no end. And and so that was like a really big wake up call of like life is so short, I don't want to spend it.

Binging anymore. I don't want to spend it with my head in the toilet. I don't want to spend it in a career that I hate. I'm I'm making a change. And like, it was really the push that I needed to to literally completely change my life, Which is exactly. I changed my career, I changed my relationship with food. Everything. Like, made a big change after that happened. Wow. Yeah, yeah, that's that is nuts. Yeah. It's not what I expected you to say either. So I I was like, you know, like Oh yeah, she had can't, you know, like the kind of the typical, like even a car accident, you know, But she's, yeah.

That's not completely out of the completely out of the blue. Yeah. And that's when I like just yeah, I continue to think about nobody cares. Do what you love, Do what you want. Because you just don't know. You really don't. My God, I and I just. I love following. What you're doing, Renee, because it just continues to give me the confidence to keep doing what I'm doing. And so I appreciate that. And I love your band. Like, tell me, tell me about your gold onesie because I need. There's like, when did you acquire this? How often do you put it on? Like I need to know more about this gold onesie.

So it started when I was managing the gym and I was doing boot camp classes and I was going to do a Valentine's Day workout and I was like, oh, I love fun, exciting things. I love anyway to make something more fun. And so I was like, just Googling on Amazon, like Valentine's Day outfits or red outfits or something. And I came across this shiny bodysuit and I was like, what is this like? Just. I was like just add it to cart and I got it and I put it on and I was very unsure of it because it's like skin tight, metallic, bright. And I put it on and the the reactions that I got from people was kind of like positive reinforcement.

I was like okay, people are eating this up, they love it. I'm in and so that now I have like 8 different colors of them and I wear the gold one a lot. And I just love it. It's just appear. It's become my thing and it's really quite comfortable. It's terrible to run in. I did do this trail. It's what is it? I can't remember what it's called, but it's this. It's like up a mountain and then down a mountain for as many laps as you can get within a certain period of time. And it's. It was so muddy, but I wore my my gold metallic bodysuit on it and I was there.

It doesn't breathe at all, so I had to open up the sleeve and dump my sweat out of it because it was it. It's terrible. But yeah, so now I just have them and I do a lot of dance videos with them and it's actually quite comfortable and I really enjoy them and I encourage everyone to own some. It's. I mean it's. Fabulous is Absolutely Fabulous. I love it so much. I realized too, it's almost been an hour and I almost forgot that you have a babysitter. So I need to like. Oh. OK, yeah, I forgot. It's so wonderful to finally have a conversation with you too, because I feel like I know you, even though I don't really know you.

And now we, like we have to meet in person. Yes, for sure. We'll go over around or something, do something. Cool. I would just. I would love that. Yeah. And. Gosh, we didn't get to talk about you're getting married soon. When's your wedding date? September 2nd, September 2nd fun. So we didn't really get to. There's so many things, too, that I have on my list that we didn't get to talk about. That's fine. Oh, and we didn't talk about poop, which, dear God, you guys. No, I'm not ready. But I'm going to read what you wrote me. Is that OK? Because this. Are you sure?

Because it is so fucking great. And you know why? Because this is because I think most people listening to this have done this, by the way. Because. And people do you just and the poor guy at the Boston Marathon who got caught on camera pooping, It's like, whatever, OK, so she says I recently pooped in someone's front yard at 9:00 AM Is this illegal? Am I going to be arrested? I am sure someone caught it on their alarm system footage, yeah. It turns out that I cannot eat. I don't know, maybe this is normal for everyone. I cannot eat a lot of watermelon. It is.

I did not know that this was a big end. And and I will eat an entire, I will eat an entire watermelon and it will not do good for me. And I had no choice. My boyfriend was like because I was a block and a half away from our house. And he's like, why didn't you just come home? I was like, you don't understand. I did not have a choice. I had no choice. And I just there was like barely any bushes too. And it was 9:00 AM and I live in. A. Nice neighborhood. And I was like, I had no I was like sweating and I couldn't walk because it was so loose that I just I I had no I had no choice.

It was like the bridesmaids episode when she. Goes into the street. I get it. That was where I was, yeah. Yeah, I well, so I won't tell my story yet, but at some point when it's further behind me, pun intended. But those damp, those dates from the Mini, did you get those? So yeah, those realize I didn't eat that well, no. Did I eat them before I run? Yes. But I made it to a bathroom that run. Thank God. But yeah. Anyway, there's so many stories, not my recent one, that it's just like, yeah, I don't feel like you're officially a runner until you've like peed or pooped yourself, which is just kind of weird.

But they can't really go disgusting. He's like, you guys are disgusting. He's like, I didn't know he thought it was just me, that I talked about it, but then he came out to like he was around an event and that was the topic. He's like. What is going on? Like this is just normal for you guys. I was like, Oh yeah, you just gotta do it. Talk about poop a lot. And it's weird. It's not to us. Or just like, yeah, did you poop yet? Because otherwise yeah, poop before race. You never know. Like I'm going to be back on wood. Never had to use a port, a pot.

But anyway, OK, so now favorite running mantra or song? Oh my gosh. OK. I was really thinking, I don't have a mantra. I was thinking about the song and it is just so dependent because I get. It just I go through so many waves. I love Son of a Bitch by Nathaniel or Nathaniel Ratcliffe. Ratliffe. I never say his right name, right? But it's so good. I love some gangster rap because I know. All the words. I just stop and shake my booty. I also love rise up and I rise oh God, this song is so good. I mean, it really just depends on the mood that I'm in.

I have so many bangers that I just I. Love. Those are good. I'm gonna make a playlist for this podcast I think, cuz people have given me such good. Yeah, fun. I'll send. You some more? Yeah, please. Cuz I'm into it. OK, And then what's next for you? So you're training now for this Sprint triathlon. When is that? I'm doing the Sprint try. I don't know, honestly. I didn't know anything about it. I was just like, sign me. Up. In August, I hope. I think it's. I was like, is this before my wedding And I don't think I'd fly out for my wedding yet. So I think I should be able to do it, but I think it's at the end of August.

I'm not exactly sure, but I also in the when you sent me the form about like races and stuff, I'm a very last minute doer because same it's the my brain like it turns into competition and then it's it gets psycho. And so I just kind of like to maintain a pretty solid base because I like when someone says, hey, I need someone to pace me for this run. Can you do it? I love to be like, hell yeah, let's do it. You know, if someone drops out last minute, like I'm in, I and I just, I That's kind of my personality too is I love surprises and I love exciting new things.

And to me, that's super fun. And so that's the finish line. And then milestone, you're getting married September 2nd, you said fly out. Where are you getting married? My dad's backyard, so back in Eastern Oregon at home, that's. Really cool. Yeah, it'll. Be fun. How amazing. Well, thank you so much for your time today, Renee. Yeah, hearing all that you did, I I would encourage people to again, follow Renee on Instagram, but also check out the ballsy broadcast. That's what it's called. Ballsy broadcast. Anywhere you listen to this, you'll listen to that. I love how they're like shorter episodes. They're just like, yeah, they get me fired up to like, do it.

So I highly recommend you guys check that out. And yeah, actually this episode will be 4th of after 4th of July. What's today? Yeah, after after the 4th of July, so not this Friday, but next Friday. And so I hope everyone has had a wonderful 4th of July holiday at this point and be. Careful on the watermelon. Don't eat too much watermelon. Yeah, happy running.

Ally Brettnacher